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A.B.
Dedicated November 2021

Guest Won't Give us Her Last Name

A.B., on September 30, 2021 at 9:45 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 39

So I have a weird situation. My FH's parents are divorced. His father has been dating a woman for a while. FH and I have both met her and obviously she is invited. But we do not know her last name and FH's dad told us we didn't need it. I addressed the invite Mr. FH Dad First and Last Name and GF...

So I have a weird situation. My FH's parents are divorced. His father has been dating a woman for a while. FH and I have both met her and obviously she is invited. But we do not know her last name and FH's dad told us we didn't need it. I addressed the invite Mr. FH Dad First and Last Name and GF First Name because when I asked FH about it, he told me that his dad insisted we didn't need it. His dad filled out the RSVP with just his name but 2 attending. We know it is the same woman as they have been blowing up FH's phone for other things like meal request and hotel repeatedly even though those issue were resolved weeks ago.

The issue is we are going to have escort cards. Do I try again to get her last name or just put her first name and put her card right behind his? The thing is I don't care if it's her legal name or a preferred name, I just don't want people to think poorly of us or her to look singled out.

39 Comments

  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    Wow are you serious? She won’t give her last name but she’s requesting all kinds of special accommodations? So rude.


    To be honest, it would annoy me so much that someone at my WEDDING refuses to give me their last name. I would consider disinviting over this but since it’s a parents significant other, I’d write “dads name and guest” on the escort card, I’m serious. What a whackadoo
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  • A.B.
    Dedicated November 2021
    A.B. ·
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    To be honest, I think it's his dad just being overly worried about things since he's the only one who called. I'm worried she doesn't realize he wouldn't give us her full name and will think we didn't care but I don't have her number.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Just put her first name on the card or put "(First Name) Guest" if you don't want her card to stick out. This is such a weird nonissue. I'd stop wasting energy on this
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  • Kris
    Expert July 2021
    Kris ·
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    We had a similiar situation--guest has their reasons for not sharing their last name, so we made one up for him and let him know which card was his!

    My stepdaughter and I are Supernatural fans, so obviously we made his last name "Winchester."

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I would just label her escort card as "FIL guest". It's annoying but not that big of a deal. You've asked, they're being weird about it. Just go with it.

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  • Melissa
    Dedicated October 2023
    Melissa ·
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    Even if they quietly married, they don't have to give her married last name.
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    Very true! You bring up a good point.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    That's really weird. I would either try to get the first initial of her last name or simply just write her first name 🤷🏾‍♀️
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  • Melissa
    Dedicated October 2023
    Melissa ·
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    Put "guest of (dad's name)" on the card
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Sounds like she doesn't want to be googled. Just write the first name.

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  • Janna
    Dedicated July 2022
    Janna ·
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    To solve this problem, you could put everybody’s first name only. Granted, it’s not what Miss Manners would advise, but it would keep anybody from feeling left out. For people with same names, put a last initial?


    Of course, if it were me, I would totally go Google sleuth and look up everything I can about her. Sorry they’re being so tight lipped. After all, it’s a last name, not the launch codes for the White House or the second part to the cliffhanger of your favorite show….
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  • J
    Dedicated July 2024
    Janica ·
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    Hello I think she should give you her last name but since she don’t want to just leave it alone cos it’s your day .And yes just put it behind your dad and say Dad guest
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  • A.B.
    Dedicated November 2021
    A.B. ·
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    She's not my dad's girlfriend, she is my FH's dad's. This is why I feel so awkward pushing it since I don't know how his family is about things. I think I'm just going to put her first name. It will be a tiny wedding so I feel like "guest" would sound even worse. They live together and practically are married which is why I thought it was super weird.

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    This is really weird. I agree with PPs who say just combine them on one escort card. His full name + her first name.
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  • TeachingBride
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    TeachingBride ·
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    Is she some kind of celebrity or politician so she doesn't want people to recognize her? Because I can't imagine why someone would be so weird as to not give a last name. Heck they could have given her fake name or something if she's so paranoid.

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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated August 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    We also had the same problem with a guest that was bringing a date. She didn't want to give us a last name, just Susan. We already had several Susan's coming and it would have gotten confusing with the escort cards. I told this guest if she does not want to give a last name we would be putting Stan Duke's date or Susan Duke on the escort card. I don't care if she gave me a fake last name I just needed a last name, eventually we got a last name.

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  • Kathryn
    Master December 2021
    Kathryn ·
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    My true crime listening self immediately thought she has something to hide! Probably not I hope!

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  • A.B.
    Dedicated November 2021
    A.B. ·
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    Hi everyone!

    Our wedding was yesterday and for those that wanted an update: everything went amazing. We just put her first name and it was fine even though others had last names. There wasn't anything weird about the dietary restrictions either. My FIL legit kept forgetting he cleared all the details with us and that's why he called us on 4 separate occasions. I thought it was because they were going to be super upset about the details but it turns out he just has horrible memory and couldn't remember the details.

    People were a little weird before hand with the names (some only giving women's first names other only giving Mrs. husband names) so I was nervous that it was going to be a big deal with someone people wanting everything old school and it totally wasn't an issue at all.

    Now I feel stupid for spending any time worried about it!

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  • Janna
    Dedicated July 2022
    Janna ·
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    Yay! Glad everything worked out and you had a wonderful day!

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