Guest Won't Give us Her Last Name

This really is weird... Maybe they've married in secret and don't want you to find out this way? Anyway, I would just put her first name on the card. If she feels singled out, it's on her, not on you.


Alternatively, do escort cards with first names - we're putting first names and the first letter of the last name on the cards, but that also only if there is more than one guest with identical first name.

Would she be willing to give her last initial? That way, she doesn't need to give out her last name if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so, and you would still be able to put together an escort card for her where it hopefully wouldn't be confused with another guest's card. Otherwise, I would put her first name on the card and place it right next to/behind the one for your FH's dad. I don't think anyone would think poorly of you if she didn't have her last name on the card.

View Quoted Comment I was also wondering this. Is it possible that they quietly married, and that's why they don't want you to know her last name yet?

I don't think anyone would think poorly of you. I would just worry that if someone else had the same first name as her they might mistake it for theirs, but I'm sure that would sort itself out.

I'm so curious about this now lol if you find out the mysterious reason why they're being so secretive please update us haha!

Yeah this is weird. I also wonder if it’s possible they married… or maybe she’s married and trying to be low key? Idk this is strange. I’d ask my dad why he wouldn’t tell me. I think it’s fair to know the first and last name of the guests at your own wedding…

Do you know her first name then if so say name your dads date

Thanks for all your responses. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it was weird and to be honest I'm getting kind of annoyed because they've been calling about every little thing on top of this.

I don't think they are married in secret because FH insists they weren't but I suppose it's possible. Her legal last name might be a previous husband's. Even so, in either case she could just give her previous name or use FH's dads last name married or not. It's not like we're going to card her.

I thought about first names only but I know that will ruffle other feathers. I got a family list from the other side of his family and they are so old school sexist that the family member who gave it can't even give or spell all the women's names since they never bothered to learn their names as anything other than Mrs. Her Man's Name.

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It's my FH's dad and that idea was shot down. If it was my dad, I'd just call him out and insist he stop being weird about his girlfriend's name. I'm wondering if I should ask my FH to push the issue with his dad or have her be the only guest who has an incomplete escort card.

View Quoted Comment If they won't give her last name, then I'd just have her card be the only one that is incomplete.

View Quoted Comment I agree. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

View Quoted Comment Yeah. And no other guest will judge you for a one name card— no one cares and it doesn’t reflect on you. If anyone even noticed I’d think the most thought they’d give is “thats weird” and…it is. The only person I’d worry about it offending with an escort card is the person whose name is on it, and apparently not having a last name for some reason does not offend her

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I honestly wish I could say this to all the little details going on. But my brain is saying ~ * Anxiety * ~

View Quoted Comment I know...! BUT it helps, I keep imagining my crazy aunt as a circus monkey 😉 at the end of the day, we all obsess over details that no one will notice, as long as the majority of people have a good time.

View Quoted Comment I love this saying!!

Escort card can say "Jane Doe."

OK, I'm kidding, but I would stop worrying about this (it's definitely weird, but they don't deserve any more of your headspace!). Just don't include her last name. Other guests will not even notice or care. And even if they did, this is such a SMALL thing. Let them be weird; accept their weirdness; move on to more important things.

I would just do your FFIL's name and her first name on the same escort card.

I wouldn’t continue press for the last name, but I would have FH let his father know that if she does not wish to give her last name (or any last name she feels comfortable using) then her escort card will be the only one that has strictly a first name on it, which is really going to put even more attention on her last name, and probably peak the interest of other guests as to why it is not listed. They may not have even considered that, and I’d want them to be prepared so they didn’t feel blindsided at your wedding.

Simply put her first name on the card or put your father-in-law and her name on one card. I wouldn’t make it difficult.

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Yeah, I think that's what I'm going to do.

To those that suggested it, I would just use FFIL's last name but FH specifically asked I not do this so I that it would make things worse. We only asked once for the invites so a second follow up shouldn't be too much.

Because they are being so difficult about this, I would just have her card say Dad Name’s Guest. He never specified on the RSVP and they are refusing to give adequate information.