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Meaghan
Dedicated September 2018

Guest Rsvp’d whose not invited

Meaghan , on July 17, 2018 at 12:38 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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FH and I both have large families so we’re trying to keep numbers down. Our invites were sent out TODAY (so nobody actually has one yet as they’re in transit) and we already had someone RSVP on our website today. It’s my FH aunt and their STD as well as invite is addressed to Mr and Mrs, and we didn’t invite her kids or grandkids.

His aunt and grandkid RSVP’d that they were coming together. At first, I didn’t really mind since the husband isn’t coming so she’s bringing someone else. BUT I know this is going to happen a lot with his side of the family. Do we let her bring her grandkid to the wedding and run the risk of other people rsvping who aren’t invited? I’m nervous that next time it won’t be this person is coming in replace of this person, that it’ll be this person and my 2 kids and 3 grandkids are coming as well... Or do we make the same rule with everyone, only invited people can come?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Theresa, on July 18, 2018 at 9:05 PM
  • A
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Arree ·
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    Unfortunately that is going to happen. People not RSVP and still come and they may bring someone. My fiance and I will be adding to the invite that children are not to be attending. Seems harsh but it's our day and our money
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would allow it if the grandchild is coming instead of husband, not in addition to. As long as you aren't having an adults only wedding.

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  • Tara
    Master September 2018
    Tara ·
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    Invited people only. It could get too messy and make people mad.. well even more so
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  • Brittany
    Savvy November 2018
    Brittany ·
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    I set my website to where only people who were invited could RSVP. If they type the name & it doesn’t come up with anything-no rsvp. Not sure which website you used and if you have that option. I think either way people are going to come that weren’t invited.. not sending out my invites until September.. good luck!!
    • Reply
  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
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    You should call her and let her know “I’m aware that you did not receive it yet but as with the STD the invitation is meant for only those whom it is addressed to and unfortunately we can not accommodate extra seats” if you allow this then anyone who tries it will get upset the allowance wasn’t allowrd for them as well. Especially considering this aunt didn’t just rsvp to bring ONE grandkid in place of her husband. But several. You reserved two seats. One for her and one for him and there should not be substitutions when a guest is invited by name. It just helps you as the host out!



    nyone who RSVPs needs to be held to the same rules. Invited guests by name and no subs is what that will have to be. Unless you have enough money in the budget to handle an unknown number of extras
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  • Neffe
    Master July 2020
    Neffe ·
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    Hi Meaghan! I would speak to your FH about this and see if he has any ideas of how he can approach the situation!
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    You have to make the rule consistent or there will be hurt feelings. Let it slide for her and let it slide for everyone or put your foot down and say no.

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  • 2
    Expert July 2018
    2ndtime1stwedding ·
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    Is this grand kid a kid?
    If grandkid is of driving age/ability perhaps aunt is bring so kid can help her, help drive... considering most weddings are in evening. It may be late when she leaves. She probably has more grandkids but only the one is coming so it’s probably to replace her husband.
    The whole same rule for all or make exception I think depends. She’s not adding to your head count

    Whos going to know what you wrote on aunts invite but you? If you deny others from adding extra beyond head count on invite that’s fine. They won’t know.

    I think if you stick to your #s that’s important. If you don’t want young children, I’d stick to that rule as well.
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  • Meaghan
    Dedicated September 2018
    Meaghan ·
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    To everyone who has asked, the grandkid is in her 20’s, so not actually a kid.
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  • J
    Dedicated September 2018
    Jessica ·
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    I would probably let the grandkid come since the husband isn't. I invited one of my cousins and her husband, her husband couldn't go but if her daughter was able I would've had let her come even though she wasn't originally invited. I was planning on that seat either way.

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  • Janel
    Super September 2018
    Janel ·
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    Personally I would let her bring her. Adding additional seats is a bigger issue that I would address
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Make the same rule for everyone. You can’t make exceptions for some people and not others, that’s a sure way to piss people off even more! Explain that you have space limitations and while you’d love to have her grandkid there, you can’t accommodate guests who aren’t on the guest list
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Oh to add, if you DO let her bring her grandkid instead of her husband, that’s fine but then make sure you allow all your other guests the same privilege of bringing someone else instead of the person on the invite. There’s nothing wrong with letting her bring her grandkid instead of her husband but like I said, just make sure to have the same rule in place for everyone. If you allow her to do that, you have to give the same option to your other guests.
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  • Missy B
    Devoted October 2019
    Missy B ·
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    I would allow if that is her guest and the husband is not coming and make sure that you have your FH reach out to her so that she is aware of that. At my wedding I have made it clear to the parents, bridal party and anyone that will listen. If you are not invited, you will not have anywhere to sit. Period. "We are already over capacity and wedding crashers cannot be accommodated"...hahah I actually have that posted on my web site.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    I would call her and say We Just Sent Invitations Today, What Makes You Think You're Invited? Then after she stammers around awhile, say Kidding! You're Invited! But, The Grandkid's Not.

    (I love living vicariously through others. Lets me suggest saying all the things I didn't do when I got married.) Smiley smile

    So, in seriousness, I agree that only those invited should be able to attend. No substitutions! It keeps everything far simpler for you, and keeps things from getting dicey up the road.

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