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Dedicated September 2018

Guest Rsvp’d whose not invited

Meaghan , on July 17, 2018 at 12:38 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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FH and I both have large families so we’re trying to keep numbers down. Our invites were sent out TODAY (so nobody actually has one yet as they’re in transit) and we already had someone RSVP on our website today. It’s my FH aunt and their STD as well as invite is addressed to Mr and Mrs, and we didn’t invite her kids or grandkids.

His aunt and grandkid RSVP’d that they were coming together. At first, I didn’t really mind since the husband isn’t coming so she’s bringing someone else. BUT I know this is going to happen a lot with his side of the family. Do we let her bring her grandkid to the wedding and run the risk of other people rsvping who aren’t invited? I’m nervous that next time it won’t be this person is coming in replace of this person, that it’ll be this person and my 2 kids and 3 grandkids are coming as well... Or do we make the same rule with everyone, only invited people can come?

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Theresa, on July 18, 2018 at 9:05 PM

Just Said Yes April 2019
Arree · on July 17, 2018 at 12:42 AM
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Unfortunately that is going to happen. People not RSVP and still come and they may bring someone. My fiance and I will be adding to the invite that children are not to be attending. Seems harsh but it's our day and our money
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 17, 2018 at 12:59 AM
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I would allow it if the grandchild is coming instead of husband, not in addition to. As long as you aren't having an adults only wedding.
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Master September 2018
Tara · on July 17, 2018 at 2:43 AM
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Invited people only. It could get too messy and make people mad.. well even more so
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Savvy November 2018
Brittany · on July 17, 2018 at 4:45 AM
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I set my website to where only people who were invited could RSVP. If they type the name & it doesn’t come up with anything-no rsvp. Not sure which website you used and if you have that option. I think either way people are going to come that weren’t invited.. not sending out my invites until September.. good luck!!
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Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on July 17, 2018 at 6:31 AM
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You should call her and let her know “I’m aware that you did not receive it yet but as with the STD the invitation is meant for only those whom it is addressed to and unfortunately we can not accommodate extra seats” if you allow this then anyone who tries it will get upset the allowance wasn’t allowrd for them as well. Especially considering this aunt didn’t just rsvp to bring ONE grandkid in place of her husband. But several. You reserved two seats. One for her and one for him and there should not be substitutions when a guest is invited by name. It just helps you as the host out!

nyone who RSVPs needs to be held to the same rules. Invited guests by name and no subs is what that will have to be. Unless you have enough money in the budget to handle an unknown number of extras
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Master July 2020
Neffe · on July 17, 2018 at 7:20 AM
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Hi Meaghan! I would speak to your FH about this and see if he has any ideas of how he can approach the situation!
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Master October 2018
MrsV1027 · on July 17, 2018 at 7:49 AM
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You have to make the rule consistent or there will be hurt feelings. Let it slide for her and let it slide for everyone or put your foot down and say no.
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Expert July 2018
2ndtime1stwedding · on July 17, 2018 at 7:50 AM
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Is this grand kid a kid?
If grandkid is of driving age/ability perhaps aunt is bring so kid can help her, help drive... considering most weddings are in evening. It may be late when she leaves. She probably has more grandkids but only the one is coming so it’s probably to replace her husband.
The whole same rule for all or make exception I think depends. She’s not adding to your head count

Whos going to know what you wrote on aunts invite but you? If you deny others from adding extra beyond head count on invite that’s fine. They won’t know.

I think if you stick to your #s that’s important. If you don’t want young children, I’d stick to that rule as well.
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Dedicated September 2018
Meaghan · on July 17, 2018 at 8:31 AM
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To everyone who has asked, the grandkid is in her 20’s, so not actually a kid.
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Dedicated September 2018
Jessica · on July 17, 2018 at 9:13 AM
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I would probably let the grandkid come since the husband isn't. I invited one of my cousins and her husband, her husband couldn't go but if her daughter was able I would've had let her come even though she wasn't originally invited. I was planning on that seat either way.
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Super September 2018
Janel · on July 17, 2018 at 9:14 AM
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Personally I would let her bring her. Adding additional seats is a bigger issue that I would address
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on July 17, 2018 at 9:53 AM
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Make the same rule for everyone. You can’t make exceptions for some people and not others, that’s a sure way to piss people off even more! Explain that you have space limitations and while you’d love to have her grandkid there, you can’t accommodate guests who aren’t on the guest list
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on July 17, 2018 at 9:55 AM
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Oh to add, if you DO let her bring her grandkid instead of her husband, that’s fine but then make sure you allow all your other guests the same privilege of bringing someone else instead of the person on the invite. There’s nothing wrong with letting her bring her grandkid instead of her husband but like I said, just make sure to have the same rule in place for everyone. If you allow her to do that, you have to give the same option to your other guests.
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Devoted October 2019
Missy B · on July 17, 2018 at 5:11 PM
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I would allow if that is her guest and the husband is not coming and make sure that you have your FH reach out to her so that she is aware of that. At my wedding I have made it clear to the parents, bridal party and anyone that will listen. If you are not invited, you will not have anywhere to sit. Period. "We are already over capacity and wedding crashers cannot be accommodated"...hahah I actually have that posted on my web site.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on July 18, 2018 at 9:05 PM
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I would call her and say We Just Sent Invitations Today, What Makes You Think You're Invited? Then after she stammers around awhile, say Kidding! You're Invited! But, The Grandkid's Not.
(I love living vicariously through others. Lets me suggest saying all the things I didn't do when I got married.)
So, in seriousness, I agree that only those invited should be able to attend. No substitutions! It keeps everything far simpler for you, and keeps things from getting dicey up the road.
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