Guest list

View Quoted Comment That’s not the case at all. I didn’t say they couldn’t invite people I just don’t want people that nobody besides them knew there it’s awkward. They wouldn’t even get time to be with them anyways so it didn’t make sense. They ended up switching out those people for people we did know so it worked out.

View Quoted Comment Thanks to everyone who responded. I wasn’t opposed to my parents having people they wanted there, I was to having strangers at my wedding. We were able to come to a compromise where I deleted people that didn’t need to come and they invited a few people they wanted that we all knew. It worked out in the end and I’m glad but in the end it’s our wedding and they choose to help and they are only paying for part of the wedding not all of it. So it’s only right and fair that we comprised and that we got the final say.

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry. We just totally see this differently. To me they're paying majority and you think it's not fair for them to have their own guests at an event that means a lot to them that once again they're coughing up cash for. But it's your parents and their cool with it so let me shut the hell up.

I think I’m in the minority on this forum. My parents are paying for my wedding as a GIFT to me and my FH and they told me this and labeled it as such. Gifts don’t come with strings attached. Idk my parents see it this way and would never demand that they can invite people just because they’re paying for it. I even offered to pay for my wedding but they were strong about me not paying for it. My dad wants to invite 6 of his friends but he didn’t demand it. I removed some other people that don’t need to be there and put them on the list. He is paying for it so I do want him to have input if he wants to give it, but if there was literally no one I could remove I would just tell him that there’s just no room. Idk that’s just my family and I understand that a lot of people see it differently. Maybe try and compromise and say you can make room for 2? Or is there any unnecessary plus ones or anything like that you could take off? Maybe it would help if you just drop it for a little while and let things cool down about these extras and maybe bring it back up closer to when you send save the dates.

Lol sorry I just saw your update about it all being resolved!

Dear parents. ITS NOT YOUR WEDDING!


Girl. Stick up for what you want and your day. It is about you being surrounded by the people you love and know to celebrate.

View Quoted Comment They aren’t paying for the whole thing and it’s our day not theirs. Just bx they are paying a little more doesn’t give them the right to invite strangers. Luckily we came fo an agreement and they are inviting friends we do know and not ones we don’t so I’m fine now.

View Quoted Comment Thanks girl. That’s what I said. I said I’m ok witb you inviting friends that we know that’s it. And I’m not cutting people so you can have people we don’t know there. If they didn’t agree we were gonna so our own thing bc I’m not dealing with that. Already have enough stress planing it without dealing with that.

View Quoted Comment That’s helpful and we did take off a few plus ones that didn’t need to be there bc it worked out where we both didn’t know their other halves anyways. But you are lucky; they offered to help and have been very demanding and unsupportive of some choices we’ve made and kept reminding us they are paying more for the wedding than we are. So we reminded them that they offered and we can pay everything if it’s going to be a problem and they usually stop but it’s getting a little out of control. One more thing goes wrong and we are eloping. Too much stress.

View Quoted Comment Thanks we figured it out and I think it’s gonna work out. I really appreciate your advice.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your advice. It was hard and we figured it out and came to a compromise with my parents. Hopefully we don’t have any more issues. I’m already stressed enough as it is and having issues with the wedding party too so I’m pretty close to just eloping as it is....

♥️I feel for you. My mother and her husband offered to help us out but we declined for this exact reason. Is it possible that you and your fiancé can come up with the extra money to keep the extra 20 guests? Just a thought. As much as we love our parents it’s so insane to me when they do this kind of stuff! This is about you and your fiancé! Your parents should be more understanding that they can go out with their friends and show them pictures anytime that they want, but people that mean the most to you will never get the opportunity to watch your ceremony take place. I’m sorry but in my opinion when parents offer to pay for the wedding they have to understand what comes with the territory and that territory is that the guest list is determined only by the bride and groom. Period, The end. Hope this helps♥️ And CONGRATS!!!! YOURE GETTING MARRIED GIRL!!!!

My word. My mother asked me a week before our wedding if she could invite her "friend". I've never met this friend and the last I'd heard of her she and my mom went to the movies last summer! I told her "no way". She put up a fuss, but she also didn't pay for anything and I planned the whole wedding alone, so ... oh well! It does suck that they have a say because they're paying for a majority. When people pay, it comes with strings attached. I was lucky I was able to straight out tell my mother no. I'm sorry you're not quite so lucky.

I am in this exact situation. Our venue fits 200-225 max and we have about 250 on our list. My parents have at least 6 people that I don’t know; and plenty more that I have not interacted with much in my life. I also want an “adults only” reception to cut back on people but my mom has an attitude about it. 🙄🙄🙄 Trying not to flip out on her. I’d love to hear how you approached the situation and if your mom compromised.

View Quoted Comment There are usually lots of people where you don't know one member of a couple. Their paying the majority of the bill does let them have some control over total numbers. But all 20 cut should not come from your list. And if they want those particular 4 people, they need to cut others from their list. Substitute them for their friends cut. Not add to their list and cut yours. 20 may have to go overall. But look at overall lists, and cut not from yours, unless you included distant family you rarely see. But from their list unless it is quite small. They should end up with a table of people who would not have been on your list. But beyond that, their guests and other parent guests get cut.

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much for your kind words. Then problem is that we can have up to 300 people at our venue and we are having a buffet that can feed up to 200 and it doesn’t really change much so I don’t understand their sudden need to cut people. It doesn’t change the price and it won’t change anything else other than how tables we will need. They didn’t give me a max guest count from the beginning and told me to invite who we wanted so we did. I just don’t get it and it’s not like they won’t know anyone at the wedding as more than half the guests are our family since we have a big family and my fiancée isn’t close to his family. So I just don’t get the big deal. We are paying for as much as we can but money is really tight so it’s not really an option to spend any more than we have to. So I’m just at a complete loss. The other day we were going over the guest list and they made me define every single person on the list; how I knew him how and how close I was and how often I talk to them. It was really awkward and unnecessary to be honest. I don’t feel like it was needed. I feel like nobody else deals with this. So close to eloping....

View Quoted Comment Yea it’s awkward for sure but luckily they finally agreed to not invite them. I explained more than half of the guest are our own family and they wouldn’t have time but said if they really wanted a friend they could if I knew them. I think we are good though.....

View Quoted Comment I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable having people that I didn’t really know and people that my fiancé didn’t really know either. I explain to them that more than half of the people there are our own family so I didn’t understand why they needed to have friends especially considering they probably won’t have time to even mingle with them. I told them that I was more than happy to have a friend of theirs at the wedding if I knew who they were but I wanted them to explain to me why it was necessary. I told them that with everything going on helping me plan the wedding and hopping make sure everything went smoothly and having all the family there I didn’t see them even having time to be able to interact with her friends. They understood and have since removed them from the list. But it took a while for them to get to the same page we didn’t talk to each other for almost 2 weeks. It was really hard but I had to let them know that even though I appreciate the fact they offered to pay for the wedding I wasn’t going to be uncomfortable at my own wedding. And I didn’t want my fiancé to be uncomfortable either. Luckily they understood. For you, I was just having her explain who those people are and why she feels the need to have them there. Maybe that would help you understand as well. Maybe you could plan a time to meet them and decide if you feel comfortable having them there if it’s such a big deal for her to have them. But honestly think you need to communicate how you are feeling because at the end of the day it’s your wedding not hers. I hope that works out and I hope that was good advice and I’m sorry that you have to deal with what I dealt with and I hope that year and result is better like mine.

View Quoted Comment Appreciate the advice. But to be honest they shouldn’t have any of their friends be over our friends because it is our wedding. I get that they’re helping and I’m grateful but at the end of the day it’s our day not theirs. I’m not against them having people they know what the wedding but more than 90% of the people that are there are our own family. They know who they are and they will be spending majority of the night entertaining them. So it didn’t really make sense for them to have friends because they won’t really see them plus their friends don’t know any of our friends or family so it would be awkward for them. Plus I don’t really know who they are and neither does my fiancé and that makes us both uncomfortable. They’ve already agreed to not invite them and to focus on the people that they do know there. So it worked out. Also we decided to pay a little bit more so that they’re not paying a majority so they don’t feel like they are able take any control. Not even trying to be a control freak it’s just about us not them and what we want not what they want. We’ve literally almost eloped because of them a bunch of times because they are trying to control the entire event. luckily they have since stepped back but it was becoming a problem.