Guest List

Having a kid free wedding does help if there’s that many kids you can cut out !
Also keep your list current to people you’ve spoken to or hung out with or keep in touch with in the last 1-2 years

One more thing, I plan to end the night with a bonfire.. would it be appropriate to invite those who were not invited to the wedding/reception to join us in the after party? Or bad etiquette?

We didn't invite any second cousins or children besides our own nieces.

I would cut kids if needed and second cousins for sure

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Bad etiquette. If they're not invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to other wedding related events. How awkward to sit around and listen to everyone talk about how much fun they had at the wedding you weren't invited to.

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Yep just cutting kids under 18 and second cousins.. my dad's family just slimmed right down to 59 people. Yay!

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That's what I figured. Thanks!

View Quoted Comment Wow that really helped slim that down !

Looks like I just brought it down to 202 people total with a few more I think I can cut. They say on average 80% will be able to attend so that will be close to 161 people. Which will be perfect!

Keep in mind that you're not obligated to invite everyone. Make a list who you can't imagine spending the day without being there. For some people, that means you might be closer to extended family than immediate. Every situation is different.


For many people, weddings are family events so cutting out kids is not an option. Countless people do not invite plus ones because they don't want to pay for random strangers and many of the singles will know others in attendance.
Only you can decide who makes the cut. If you want to invite people you haven't seen in awhile (but still talk on Facebook or whatever), I don't see the harm in inviting them if they are near and dear to you. Don't cut your best friends to invite your extended family.
Always be prepared for 100% attendance because it does happen.
Best of luck.

View Quoted Comment I agree. Every guest list is different. My fiancé and I have very large extended families, and we are very close to some of our second and third cousins so automatically cutting them was not a option. We found this chart to be helpful when reviewing our guest list and making cuts. Good luck to you, EmeraldBride! Making cuts is hard, but you can do it.😊

We are only including cousins that we see or talk to. Of my fourteen, I am inviting two. They’re the ones who are part of my life. We’re inviting five from his side because one is in the bridal party and he talks to another two. The remaining two are included because they’re the siblings of the first three, so we can’t invite part of the family without asking everyone.
We also aren’t allowing plus ones. Significant others are welcome, of course, but no dates. (The only exception is a groomsman because he’s in the bridal party and won’t really know anyone.)
For us, it’s about spending the day with people who are part of our lives. It doesn’t matter how they’re related to us.

Start with inner circles first: siblings, parents, their spouses or partners. Top friends. Then more friends & aunts/uncles. Stop there if necessary. If you have a special cousin, put him/her in wedding party so you don’t have to invite the others to be fair.

Dark humor: find a way to alienate half the family and VOILA! the guest list cuts itself!

(Ok, I might have done that semi-intentionally.) /end dark humor

As others said, second cousins aren't often invited to weddings, unless you are super close. There's no need to invite family you barely talk to, and plus ones don't have to go to everyone.

Good luck!

I had the same issue and there isn't an easy solution. You just have to make a decision and stick with it. For me, there's a 20-year age gap between me and my first cousins, so I'm closer with their kids. But I can't invite parts of family units or only some aunts/unclds, so that was another issue. My side is also 70%ish of the guest list, so I couldn't invite more. 🤯


Best advice I got was from a coworker with an even larger family. Put people in groups by who they have to be invited with. Like, I can't invite my parents without inviting my siblings. Can't invite Cousin X without Cousins A, B, Q and Uncle Y. Then eliminate entire groups until you get to your magic number.
I ended up with aunts/uncles, first cousins, and second cousins that still live at home (not many). No plus ones, no guests under 21. It's not perfect, but it's working.

Have a separate place(kids tent, hotel room, separate room) have parents pay half (you pay half, then they pay reminder/who many kids you except) for the sitter, for kids so you can doordash some McDonalds or pizza to them( honestly they will like it better than any weird fancy adult dinner) so at most kids cost 200 or say no kids. If you haven't seen or talked to each other(holidays excluded) (1 yr in state, 3 yr out of state) then it probably isnt a strong connection, and you dont need to invite them. The chart you see is a good one.

My husband and I cut down our guest list in two ways. The first thing we did was to look at our list and see who we haven't spoken to or have not seen in the last 6 months (from the day we made our list). If we haven't had contact with them recently, we did not invite them. The second way, after we did the 6 month thing, was to look at our list of people we cut and see if there was anyone on it that we would be upset if we looked around and saw that they weren't there. We had a couple, so we added them back to the list. Our list started at around 250 and we got it down to 140 for our invites by doing this.

We definitely were very blunt and level headed with our guest list, being that it is a (somewhat) destination wedding and we are very firm in the fact that we want it intimate but involve as many of our close family/friends as possible. For that reason, we chose to not invite any cousins, only aunts/uncles, siblings, parents, grandparents and our best friends (inviting 90 guests) — best wedding related decision we ever made! Takes away the stress and We are excited to have a small wedding (budget friendly too)

All of your ideas are good ideas to cut the guest list down, you can also cut by how close or how connected you are to each family member. For example I don't speak to some first cousins and they do not reach out, but I speak more and am closer to 2nd nieces. For me my wedding is still a few years off an guest list may change one thing we are no changing is the guest count, I think having an idea of our max guest count is helping us make cuts.

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Yes I like the idea of max numbers for the guest list! That way, if relationships change - I can easily replace them with a different person.