Guest List Out of Control

Wow. I would suggest getting FH talk to FMIL and telling her she needs to cut it back some. I see no need to allow her to invite so many people if she's not even paying for it?

Usually it doesn't work that way. Sit down, come up with a final list and stick to it. Also, there's no way of predicting who will show up for a wedding a year and a half in advance. People move, get pregnant, get divorced and all sorts of things in that time span.

400 is the total number including my families list. FH thinks people on FMIL's list are all necessary but like 4! I went threw with him and went over who each person was and the responses were "they came to my brother's wedding" (4 years ago) or "they worked with mom" (she retired almost 10 years ago!). There was seriously 4 people he said could be taken off! I just feel like they are asking a lot of my parents and are making me stressed over nothing. I mean all those people won't even fit in my reception venue. It caps at 190. (My mom & I were counting on half of what you invite show up)

Wait, you should invite someone to your wedding because they showed up at your FBIL's wedding?!? Does your FH EVER talk to these people?

Oh, don't count on half not showing up, that's a very risky calculation. It's enough that 60% accept and you have nowhere to put them.

@ Mrs. S - we both are from the same REALLY small town. The type that people don't leave for their entire lives and show up at wedding uninvited just to see. The exact same list they used for his brother's 1st and 2nd weddings is the one they want to use for ours.

No! Some of the people he said he'd never even actually meet and others he had to ask his mom how they were important to his family.

I agree that you need to cut the list down. Talk to your FMIL and let her know that you appreciate her enthusiasm and that she wants to share this event with the world, but it's a WEDDING not a rock concert. Although she should be able to invite some close friends of the family, it's really not cool to invite people that you don't know and may or may not even meet again. Think about this, you are going to want to enjoy your wedding and you aren't going to be able to do that if you have to spend 3 or 4 hours just meeting people and saying hello. I would give her a number and tell her to stick with it. Tell her that you are going to keep it fair, you have 150 seats reserved, she can have 75 and your family gets the other 75. Then politely add that if she goes over her count, you are going to elope.

Jennifer, that's a good suggestion, except that FH seems to be on the same page with FMIL. Another thing is to calculate how much you're spending per guest and add that to the argument.

Jennifer, I love the eloping idea!!! Too funny. My dad always jokes about it would be cheaper if we would. I'm starting to think he's right!

I would be very careful at inviting more people than what your venue holds. You have time - if you have to invite 400 people, you need to find a new venue. What if you invite that many people and 300 show up? I've been to weddings where more than 90% showed. I would talk to your parents and if you want the venue you currently have then you need a guest list of no more than 200 - 100 for each side. Good luck!!

I'd say it's time to put your foot down with FMIL or she's going to be pulling this stuff for the rest of your life with your FH. Calmly sit her down and explane the guest list has to be limited to 150 cause thats what will fit comfortabley and thats what you have planed for. That gives her and you FH 75 guests on his side to figure out. If she is truely insistant on having a function with that many people invited you'd be more than happy to let her throw you guys a picnic where those who will not fit for this occaision could come and celebrate your wedding. And put emphasis on her throwing it it will make her feel like she has some controle but you. Wont have to deal with the crazy on your special day

One more thing before I go snore. If your hall can accommodate 190, then you really don't have too many options. You could do A and B list (although I'm not a fan of those), but you will be under 400 for sure.

UGH this sounds like my drama infested life right now lol My FMIL keeps inviting people and she isn't even paying a dime for any of it. Its a bit frustrating.

I agree, you can't just let her add whomever she wants, especially when it's too many for your venue.

I like Rachels idea that she can throw you a separate event after the fact if she really thinks those people need to celebrate with you.

There is no other venue! Like I said before, we are both from the same VERY SMALL town. I already have the biggest/nicest venue booked. We could hold more than that but if it rains it will be a mess. At 190 everything will run smoothly whether it rains or not. (( We are getting married in a park but if it rains we are getting married in a section of the ballroom we rented for the reception.))

I would definitely talk to FH so he can talk to FMIL & cut down the list!!! it is YOUR wedding, not FMIL wedding....

I actually just got off the phone with my mom & going to call my dad tomorrow & tell him all the people he wanted me to invite from Ukraine unfortunately I can not invite them to the wedding.... We are paying for the wedding our selves... I dont even want to invite my cousins... DH not inviting his cousins, he is only inviting his immediate family & couple of friends, his side is about 25-30 people & my list is about 85 now & all these people will show up ... & this is not counting about 20 people my dad wants me to invite...

so as much as I would love to invite everyone, I am not going to... I can not afford to have million people there...

I just feel awful asking my parents to pay for someone's third cousin twice removed's little brother.

The max number is at 280 (set up the way I want) or 290 (set up theater style) for the reception venue.

All I know is I hope these people send me a gift!!! lol.

One if you dont talk to them they dont get invited 2 if they dont know the last name they aren't omportant to the family so strat cutting who cares if they went to your FBIL wedding this is your day not your FMIL's day

Oh wow! You totally need to sit down with your MIL and discuss you guest list and cutoff number..that is so crazy!!

Our guest list is totally out of control We recently sent out our STD's and every person that has told us they couldn't come, my FMIL has replaced with another person on her B list!!!

My FMIL was trying to add people if we got declines. I told her politely that the guest list is closed, and that we are have +1's and no kids to cut the list down. We went from 297 to 202. I am hoping for 150 to show. Also FMIL didnt have last names or addresses for half her list, and I had to track all these people down that I dont know. My rule was if FH and I didnt know them then they were not invited. That really cut the list so then we gave each set of parents 10 people that we didnt know.