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Dedicated October 2020

Guest list mama drama!

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Abby, on October 29, 2019 at 9:45 PM

So my parents are paying for a big chunk of the wedding - the venue, food, drinks and flowers. Our guest list is supposed to be around 150 and we are already at 170 and my mom keeps wanted to add people. In particular, a friend of hers has invited my parents to their daughters wedding, and my mom thinks we HAVE to invite her friend and friend’s husband to mine out of etiquette. However, my fiancé has never even met these people, and I haven’t seen them in years. They weren’t even on our B list of guests and now my mom is demanding they make the list, when there’s other people that are OUR friends that we might have to cut. On one hand, my mom is footing most of the bill so if she insists on adding them should I let her since it’s her own money she’s spending? Or should FH and I put our foot down and say no? Any advice or other people with similar guest list problems I’d love to hear from you!

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32 Comments

Lady · on October 30, 2019 at 1:53 PM
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If your mom is paying, I don't think you have the right to flat out decline her guest list. You can certainly talk to her about it, but if she's hosting, she gets final say.
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Dedicated October 2020
Abby · on October 30, 2019 at 2:03 PM
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That’s such a good point, I definitely want to keep the peace and not have my mom mad at me forever for not inviting someone 😂
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Dedicated October 2020
Abby · on October 30, 2019 at 2:05 PM
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That’s a good point, we will probably have a few people not come so maybe a couple extra don’t matter that much.
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Dedicated October 2020
Abby · on October 30, 2019 at 2:07 PM
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That’s true about the gifts! The more people the more gifts we get (not saying that that’s the point of the wedding but something to think about haha)
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Dedicated October 2020
Abby · on October 30, 2019 at 2:11 PM
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Thank you everyone for the input!! I think I will need to sit down with her and go through the whole guest list and see how she feels about adding more people budget-wise. My FH and I had told both of our parents that we don’t want to be introduced to people for the first time at our wedding to keep it personal, so we will have to reiterate that to her.
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Jill · on October 30, 2019 at 2:20 PM
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This isn't necessarily true. There have been multiple posts on these boards with people complaing that they invited 150 guests and only got 30 gifts.
Also do not invite more people to your wedding than the venue can hold. I've also seen posts on different wedding boards where people did this and then they were scrambling at the end to come up with a solution.
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on October 30, 2019 at 3:18 PM
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I think a compromise is what is needed here. Yes, she is paying for a large chunk of the wedding, so she should get to have some of her friends as guests. However, she doesn't get to take over the guest list, and invite whoever she wants, or have final say over the list. This is still your wedding. I would sit her down, and make sure she understands how much you appreciate her contribution to your wedding. Then ask her to go over the list with you, and see where cuts can be made. Explain that you have good friends that you would like to be there, but that might get cut because of people she wants to invite that you don't even know.
Maybe a larger budget is the answer. Maybe that's what she will choose, faced with the idea of cutting some of her guest list. Or maybe she'll not mind making some cuts, when faced with the reality of venue capacity, and higher cost for more people. Just talk to her about it.
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Dedicated April 2022
Ester · on October 30, 2019 at 3:22 PM
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Definitely communicate and find something to compromise.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on October 30, 2019 at 3:26 PM
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Is 150 the limit she gave you, or the venue capacity? If the venue will allow for more than 150, but that's just the number she gave you, allow it.
If it's venue capacity. Fight it.
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on October 30, 2019 at 9:13 PM
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I agree with a Laura. Explain you want to ensure your list stays the same, so this would be in addition to what you have now. She is paying, but there should also be a compromise.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on October 31, 2019 at 1:19 PM
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I'd just let her
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Beginner September 2019
Crysteeeeel · on October 31, 2019 at 4:49 PM
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It was some of our friends and some of my husband's family who did NOT give us gifts at all, which we were hurt by, because we spent more than anyone in his family and had NO monetary help with the wedding itself. But the parent's friends were stellar in their gift giving and even helped with last minute stuff!! I think my husband's mom has done a lot for their kids over the years, but they are also just really good people. We are having a separate party with my husbands parent's friends over the holidays which makes me feel that they are just really proud and want to celebrate us with everyone. There are lots of ways to look at it.
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