Guest list mama drama!

That's a tough one! She is paying, but it is your wedding. There needs to be some sort of compromise though. I would try talking to her and letting her know that you don't want to cut people who are important to you, so if she wants to keep adding people her budget will also have to go up. Sometimes the money talk brings people back down to reality

Ooo that’s hard because she is paying for it.
I’d Keep the peace and invite them. My mom was adding long long distant family members to our guest list some that I never even met. My mom might be totally different then yours but she holds grudges so I’m just inviting them.

I don’t think it’s proper to tell someone they can’t invite a friend to a party that they’re pretty much hosting. I would let her invite them.

It’s soo hard but if she’s paying she kind of have the right to invite them. Maybe try finding middle ground? And let her know

If mom is paying she gets some say, but she doesn’t get to cut your close friends in lieu of random coworkers of hers you have never met so she can seem important. That’s never okay.

I say let her invite the friend(s)! My FMIL is paying for half of the wedding, so FH & I are okay with her inviting some friends we don’t know as well.

I say don’t stress over literally 2 people on you 170+ guest list. My guest list changed all the time up until the week of our wedding. Not exactly the number of people but who the people were. The week of our wedding we had like, 10 people last minute tell us they wouldn’t be there because someone in their family got sick. So honestly I kind of wish I would have invited more people 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s your day! If those 2 people really put you over the edge then just say “look mom sorry but not sorry, I’m pulling my hair out over this”. I know you could say that if you allow these 2 then you have to allow all the rest of the “2”. But it is your day! You know your guest list more than anyone. Go with your gut!

That’s a tough call, maybe if you tell her that the more people she invites the more her cost will go up.. I don’t really understand why people or families want to invite people to a wedding that the bride and groom won’t even know some of their guests. Also who wants to go to a wedding for a couple you don’t know?.. these are questions I have always wondered lol. Sorry for adding it to your post! 😅

When my hubby and I were making our guest list we told his parents, who are very social people and have been a part and or invited to most of their friend's children's weddings, that they could choose two people beyond the four friends of theirs who we really like and were planning to invite. We don't live in the same town, so we don't know their friends really really well, but they are wonderful people. (and we paid for our whole wedding ourselves) We are so glad they were there! A wedding is a visual experiential, emotional event, that your mother really wants to share with her good friend. This is an important day for your parents too. She is putting a lot into this, so let her share it with her friend. You're not inviting your mom's friend, your'e giving her permission to include someone she loves in an event that is all about love. BTW, her friends were the absolute most generous of all of our guests, both in how much they helped and how they gave gifts.

The whole "she who pays gets a say" means that she gets input, not that she can make final descisions. I've already told my parents that my FH has a very small family and that our venue only holds 100 people (nevermind that we haven't actually chosen our venue). We broke the guestlist into chunks: 50 people were ours, 25 my parents, and 25 his mom. What seats his mom doesn't use get reabsorbed by us to use for our B list. In the short run, it's our wedding and we want our friends there not her coworkers she wants to show us off too like some kind of dog and pony show.

I know it seems difficult because she is paying for a lot of it, but maybe tell her that you personally haven't spoken to them in years and there are people that YOU are closer to that already had to be cut so it wouldn't be fare. If that doesn't work then I would ask her who she would like to cut from HER list of peoe she has already invited

Everyone that is invited will not attend or show up even though they RSVP’d yes.

Invite them.

Parental demands, input, and requests are the price that you pay when they help you pay for the Wedding.

Congratulations and 🍀‼️

View Quoted Comment It’s not just a friend to a party. It’s a wedding and those get incredibly expensive, not to mention some people may want to have a more intimate environment than having people there they don’t know. I would ask her to reconsider Inviting these people, and if she really wants to, the budget has to go up as well.

I had a similar issue with my parents, they are paying for about 70% of our wedding. With their list of extended family and family friends I don't know, it made up 1/3 of our guest list (which was after we had to cut our coworkers!). I had a talk with my dad saying I'm totally fine inviting people for their sake because of their contribution, but I don't want 1/3 of my wedding to be people I don't know. Is there someone else on her guest list they could cut instead of that couple?

If your parents are paying they do get some say in the guest list. You've got to find some compromise. If your friends that might be cut out, are actually quite close to you, then make it be known that you want them there, and that it isn't negotiable. Is there anyone else that you know better, that your mother might want at the wedding instead of this couple?

It’s your day not hers, it doesn’t matter if she’s paying or not ! It’s who you want to spend your day with ! We wanted to avoid this exact thing because it can spiral out of control ! So we only invited people who we see or speak to often and people who are close with us! My dads side of the family I only see once a year at our Christmas Eve party and I didn’t invite like any of them well because I see these people once a year! Just sit and think about what you really want and don’t worry about making anyone else happy except you and your groom!

View Quoted Comment Right and her parents are paying for the part that gets more expensive depending on the guest count; food and drinks.

View Quoted Comment This. We are paying for about 2/3 of the wedding with my family paying for another chunk and his paying for a smaller chunk plus the rehearsal dinner.

We have invited many family friends that we knew growing up but also are allowing each side to invite a small, specific number of close friends that we barely know but mean a lot to them.

My vote is yes but limit the number of add-ons to what you are comfortable with.

I would do this as a compromise: Invite these two, but tell your mother that this is it; if there are any more she wants to invite, she has to make the budget bigger to accommodate all these extra people you didn't plan on!