Guest list issue // can i cancel an invite over a personal falling out?

Invite them. If they really feel that way they'll RSVP no.

I wouldn't cut them from the guest list based on hearsay. If they're really not that good of friends, they would most likely decline.

Lurkers - 2nd post today where the STD came back to bite someone. Keep in mind that STD's are a relatively new deal and are NOT necessary. If you do them, do NOT send to everyone on your guest list.

Wowwww. Wasn't expecting this! I've heard hate over *not* being invited. Geez. Are you okay ending this not-friendship?

I wouldn’t send an invite. It doesn’t matter if the relationship ends since they feel the way they do. If they do attend you’ll probably feel akward having them there

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I wish I had lurked on here a bit more before sending save the dates. I do think these people, in particular, would come despite their feelings. One of them said they'd come for the free food and drink alone! OUCH :-(

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I am not sure--I don't feel great about it being a not-friendship in the first place!

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Oh wow - that is an ouch! Sorry OP.

I'd say in this case it's okay to not invite those individuals as long as they are not family members. If they're just "friends" chances are they won't bother to RSVP. When my fiance and I were younger, we were invited to a wedding for a friend of my fiance's. We weren't close with them at all, and they had done something to piss us off between getting the save the date and invite so when we got the invite we didn't bother to RSVP. I know now that it was immature of us to do that, but from posts I've seen in various wedding planning groups people do ignore RSVPs, so I'd say save yourself the trouble and don't bother.

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Thanks, I think this is the advice I *wanted* to hear. LOL. I probably wouldn't even notice them during the wedding (I'll be having too much fun), but I certainly feel awkward about it writing the check to the caterer (not to make it all about that)!

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I'll consider this, thanks!

Honestly my first step would be to approach them and explain that you had heard their response and were hurt by it. They have a chance to apologize to you or admit their feelings stand valid. It is also possible that the statement was overblown. I would keep that in mind, because if there is a misunderstanding and you ex nay them without discussion you might be cutting out people who are indeed friends. Now if their response was factual, ex nay the "friendship" and the invite.

Usually I’d say an STD always equals an invite. But since you don’t mind losing the friendship and they said they didn’t want to come anyway I would say skip sending the invite. That’s super crappy of them, sorry OP.

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I think that's very wise, thanks. I'll do that. Ugh, confrontation is hard!

Weddings really bring stuff to surface, don't they? I've had to deal with so many emotional relationship issues with friends and family that I did not expect!

Yeah I agree with PF. I get that your BMs are loyal but you don't know exactly what was said. Plus in my opinion, you are stooping to their level if you rescind the invite.

I wouldn’t invite them..... *shrugs shoulders* i would also confront them and let them know why they are not invited... Don’t need anyone taking up space when there are people who would really rather be there. And I definitely have a b list... they know they are b list and why....

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Confrontation sucks!

But, I try to see it like I do a band-aid stuck to your arm hairs. That summabish is gonna hurt coming off something fierce, but you may as well do it in one quick yank and get it over with. I don't know that it hurts any more or less to pull quickly or slowly- I mean, you're stuck to the same number of hairs either way, right? But if you tug slowly, you get to feel each hair for five minutes while you tear up, squirm, and practice lamaze breathing techniques.

So instead of wondering and agonizing over whether someone said this or if they feel a certain way, it's always easier to just ask and get it over with. It'll be uncomfortable. It might be painful. But at least you'll know and be able to move forward from there.

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Thanks, in my heart of hearts, I know that's the right way to look at it. Oof, this whole thing just took the wind out of my sails!

I guess it's important to be taken down a peg every now and then!

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I only sent them to OOT family. Not friends. Lol for this reason! Hahahah 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

OP, I’d say maybe talk to them. I’m also wondering why the BMs are betraying confidences of someone else to tell you they’re talking crap... seems slightly high school-ish. 🤷‍♀️ As PP stated, talk to the friends that we’re stated as showing disdain, it could have been a misunderstanding.

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I’m curious, why a B-list? What are acceptable reasons to B list family and friends?

View Quoted Comment That’s my business, and if i wanted to say why I would have. Like i said all of my b list know why and they understand. I am a very up front person. I sugarcoat NOTHING.