Guest List Help Please

Always prepare for 100% attendance. It happens more often than you think. Don’t invite someone if you even suspect they won’t try to attend. Only invite those you are closest to and want to spend the day with, and parents can host a family reunion picnic at another time.

View Quoted Comment Haha that’s true. I may take that route. That’s what was suggested in another blog I was reading. It said send the invites earlier than the traditional “8 weeks before”. And have them RSVP like 4-5 weeks before the event. If they find out later and get offended, then oh well. But the big consensus seems to be don’t invite more than what your venues allow. Truthfully, I can already see at least 6 of my cousins not going because they have toddlers and I’m having a no kids policy. Or rather, only those on the RSVP are invited and their toddlers and babies won’t be on there.

Cut the numbers to 100.

View Quoted Comment So, in your opinion, should I just cut out the majority of my extended family? There’s honestly maybe only like 6-10 (rather than like 50) that I truly want to be there and the rest is more just obligation/Filipino tradition as to why I’m even considering inviting them. But, I don’t want anyone to be “butt hurt” that’s why I’m also considering just not inviting any of my extended family at all and just having my immediate family and close friends (that 70 ish number).

View Quoted Comment I’m having a dilemma of whether I should just not invite any of my extended family. Period. I have a list of around 70 people that I truly want to be there. Maybe only like 6-10 of my extended family I actually want to be there and the rest is a matter of obligation and Filipino tradition. I’m trying to avoid having any of my extended family feeling “butt hurt” that’s why I have sort of this “All or Nothing” mentality with them instead of just picking and choosing to fill the rest of the spots up to 100.

Definitely cut it down to 100. You never assume that people will decline. If you invite more than what is allowed what are you going to do when everyone rsvps yes?
There is no way to uninvite someone without being rude especially when you knew the amount of people you were supposed to have but still decide to go over in hopes people will decline.

View Quoted Comment I’m having a dilemma of whether I should just not invite any of my extended family. Period. I have a list of around 70 people that I truly want to be there. Maybe only like 6-10 of my extended family I actually want to be there and the rest is a matter of obligation and Filipino tradition. I’m trying to avoid having any of my extended family feeling “butt hurt” that’s why I have sort of this “All or Nothing” mentality with them instead of just picking and choosing to fill the rest of the spots up to 100.

View Quoted Comment Did you give any truly single people a plus one?

B-listing is rude. Second choice invitations are bound to hurt some feelings.

Always plan for 100% attendance. Is there any way you could find a bigger space for your ceremony?

View Quoted Comment Are your parents paying for the wedding? If so tell them that if they want a bigger guest list they will need to pay for a bigger place. If they are not then contributing then tell them if they want to help pay for a bigger place you will invite more people but until then they need to take a seat and get over it.

View Quoted Comment I did not give any of my cousins that are truly single a +1. Those with “+1s” are married.

View Quoted Comment Then I'd probably just not invite extended family. Or what about finding a big ceremony space that could accommodate those extra people.

View Quoted Comment I could if I forfeit our $1500 deposit. My fiancé and I thought about it. But, I LOVE this chapel so I’m not willing to move for the sake of inviting more people that I’ve barely spoken to the past few years. Either way, people’s feelings are going to get hurt. Whether it’s because they’re B-listed or they’re flat out not invited. And the only way to make everyone happy is to make me unhappy by forfeiting our deposit and moving to a bigger venue. And after talking to a few close friends, I’ve decided I don’t care if I hurt a few feelings of relatives I’m not particular close to 🤗

View Quoted Comment I could if I forfeit our $1500 deposit. My fiancé and I thought about it. But, I LOVE this chapel so I’m not willing to move for the sake of inviting more people that I’ve barely spoken to the past few years. Either way, people’s feelings are going to get hurt. Whether it’s because they’re B-listed or they’re flat out not invited. And the only way to make everyone happy is to make me unhappy by forfeiting our deposit and moving to a bigger venue. And after talking to a few close friends, I’ve decided I don’t care if I hurt a few feelings of relatives I’m not particular close to 🤗

View Quoted Comment It’s honestly not about the money. My fiancé and I both make really good money… it’s the idea of spending $30k+ (which we are already spending) for a one day event. We would much rather take that money and buy a boat for our lake cabin to enjoy for years to come. You know what I mean? We also just want it to be what makes us happy instead of throwing a party for other people. I know people say you only get married once so you don’t skimp on it, but that’s exactly the reason why we can’t justify spending so much on it… I told him about how expensive wedding dresses from boutique bridal salons are and he couldn’t believe it. I found a clearance dress for like $800 and called it a day.

View Quoted Comment I definitely agree to have the wedding you want and forget what others have to say. You will piss off a few people but remember it's your day you are paying for, and you deserve to have it your way. I suggest not inviting people who you haven't seen or talked to within the year. My husband and I did that. When we made our guests list the very first time we had like 300 people. So we decided to eliminate people by If they didn't congratulate us on our engagement then we didn't invite them, because to us it either meant they didn't know which only proves how long it's been since we talked, or that they didn't view us as important enough to send a quick message. We had a 60 person wedding.

View Quoted Comment Haha seen would be hard with Covid and because I ran away from Houston to live in Eureka Springs when Covid hit. So, this wedding is a destination wedding for everyone. But, I can honestly say, I talk to everyone on my current list of 70-80 at least a few times a year If I’m being honest, I only have 2-4 cousins that I talk to regularly so I’ll probably invite them. One was my best friend growing up and the other is my endocrinologist and she’s taken very good care of me! I don’t really talk to my aunts/uncles… except for my one aunt who used to always bring me her home cooking and send me baked goodies on my birthday 😋 Thanks for the advice on seeing who I really should invite instead of doing it by obligation.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. There is never any situation where B-listing is polite or acceptable.

View Quoted Comment Is it better to just flat out not invite them? Again. I have an “All or Nothing” mentality with my extended family. I’ll probably just keep it immediate family and friends (70-80 people) instead of having to decide which extended family members to fill in the spots

View Quoted Comment You sit down with fiancé and decide whom you both want in attendance as your must have’s. If anyone is on the list out of obligation, cut them immediately. NEVER do anything out of obligation to please others because this is your wedding and theirs has already passed or will happen in the future. You know who you have relationships with. I can’t say “cut all extended family” because every dynamic is different. For example, I’m closer to extended family than most of my immediate biological family so if I were to cut them, there wouldn’t be anyone left in attendance that I personally care about. Many people say you must invite/disinvite in circles but that goes back to who do you have a relationship with? If you are close to Aunt and Uncle A but not Aunts and Uncles B or C them don’t invite the ones you aren’t close to. If someone gets upset you didn’t invite someone, that is their issue and they have no right to get upset with you. Parents can start a tradition of an annual family reunion picnic at another time to host all family including extended relatives and it doesn’t interfere with your wedding.


Significant others, regardless of how long they have been together if they consider themselves an established couple, are automatic invites. Tinder dates and plus ones for truly single unattached guests are the next to be eliminated from the list. Make sure that your best friends are in attendance.