Guest list dilemma

I think this is awk in general. I get your reasons behind your decision but I also get her. I’ll be pretty upset if my best friend who I’m her MOH at her wedding doesn’t invite my husband. Just think if the papers were reverse how that would make you feel? Is her husband, awk or not and is the guy she decided to spend the rest of her life with until she decides otherwise. I think having a night off her marriage is something she should decide and could be your bachelorette party but not inviting him to the wedding... I personally think is wrong. She’s a great friend because how easy she took it and she was nice about it with you but you can’t blame her for being upset and commenting it with other bridesmaids. This can come back later on and create some drama.

The groomsman and I told our entire wedding party that nobody gets a plus one because if we gave everyone a plus one then we wouldn’t have any invites for our family. I told my bridesmaids from the time we started planning that this was the case. Not to mention I wouldn’t be offended if someone invited me and not my husband if they weren’t friends with them or vise versa.

I agree that it is not fair to allow the other ladies to bring their husbands and not allow her to bring hers. Of course she will not say anything to you because it is your big day. It is understandable that she is upset and I would be too and you would probably in that situation. I do not think dumping your bridesmaids will make things better rather cause more issues. I think you should sit with her and just say you have thought about it and her husband can come (if you choose) because it is important that she be there for your day happily. You may not want to say anything about how she may tend to him only because you would then be insulting her hubby but maybe find a way to imply that you want her full support on that day. Maybe sit him with the other bridesmaids husbands and then he can maybe strike a conversation with them or sit on his phone. Ultimately do what you feel is best but just think is it worth upsetting a friend. Good luck.

I'm not sure how much positive feedback you'll get on this one. Generally, spouses and significant others are not considered plus ones. Couples are a social unit and should be invited as such. Plus ones are for single guests and are not always expected. Bridal party members are usually also excluded from "no plus one" rules because they are wedding VIPs, so it's courteous to extend plus ones for them if forgoing them for others.


As others have said, it is not up to you to decide what is best for your friend and "giving her a night of peace and fun."
If she's your MOH, I'm assuming she's your best friend. Your best bet is to just talk to her. You don't have to throw your other friend under the bus, but state that you've gotten the sense she's upset about not bringing her husband and you want to talk about it. Put yourself in her shoes. If you were MOH and your close friend told you your future spouse wasn't invited to the wedding, would you be upset? Would you confront them about it? It's kind of an awkward position to say no to the bride, so she may have felt like she didn't have a choice. This is the type of thing most people aren't going to bring up and instead just hope that the other person picks up on their being upset.

View Quoted Comment She’s married, her husband isn’t a plus one. They are a social unit and should be invited to things together. It’s fine that you wouldn’t be offended, but that’s the exception and not the norm. Your friend isn’t required to feel the same feelings you do.

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That is ok but this rule applied to the entire party not just one person. If it was uniform across the board I do not think she would be upset but if I were in a bridal party and the other ladies could bring their SO's but I could not I would take it personal. I would think what is wrong with my husband that I cannot bring him. I think it is ok when it is the entire bridal party not just a select few.

View Quoted Comment I understand that she is not required to feel the same way I do, however bring my moh I would think that that is the person that would be the most open with you.

View Quoted Comment The groom and I made two lists. The two bridesmaids husbands were on his list not mine. We each got 25 ppl

View Quoted Comment She’s simply following etiquette by not requesting to bring a guest that the couple already forbid her from bringing. Clearly none of us know you, but based on the context of this post; not allowing your friends to bring their SO’s to your wedding, threatening to kick them out because they’re upset about it, still disagreeing when you’re being told the same thing by several strangers who you asked for advice, I’m not sure I would feel comfortable approaching you about the issue either.

View Quoted Comment I never threatened to kick her out. Idk where you got that from

View Quoted Comment Sorry, “ I’m just getting ready to just dump all my bridesmaids,” sounds like, well, you’re getting ready to dump all your bridesmaids.

I meant like I’m over it like I might as well get rid of all bridesmaids so I don’t have to worry about anything.

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That is how that worked out. I am not against no significant others for small weddings but if you were in a bridal party and the bride told you that you cannot bring your husband but other ladies in your party are allowed to bring theirs would you still not be offended? I can understand that you may not and some people would not. My FH has social anxiety and can be quiet around big crowds esp people he does not know but I would not want him to be excluded because of that. If anything if my friend felt I would not be attentive on her day I would much rather have her talk to me as an adult about that but allow me to bring my husband. I think ultimately everyone handles different situations differently. For this one I can understand why her MOH is upset.

View Quoted Comment You never get frustrated and just think you should just scrap the whole thing? That’s what I meant.

View Quoted Comment I guess I just don’t understand. There are many things that my fiancé gets invited to and I’m not invited cause I don’t know the people so I guess I just maybe don’t understand 😑 it doesn’t hurt my feelings I just think ok that’s cool have a good time.

IMO I think weddings come with some stressors when you invite guests. I understand what you mean in that you feel as your best friend she should be upfront with you but that is easier said than done. Once when I was a bridesmaid I wanted to express a couple of things with my friend about how I felt like the second fiddle to her MOH when I was there more but I would not do that for fear of upsetting her. It is awkward to tell a bride to fix something in her wedding. However, I remember it to this day and will take that into account for my upcoming nuptials. I get you are stressed and I know we are not probably saying what you want to hear but at the end of the day, the wedding is one day and your friendship is hopefully forever. Do not have hard feelings over your worry about her husband. You may not want to but I think you should bite the bullet and allow her husband to come. I agree with what someone else said in that do not mention that you heard she was upset from the other BM's. Your wedding is important but so is your friendship. Her husband would not be around prior to the ceremony to help you. Do you feel she would be more distracted during the reception? Would that be ok if she spent more time with him during that time?

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I see your point. I think in general even down to wedding planning we all have different opinions and react to different things. You may not be upset but she is and people feel how they feel. We cannot change that. The only reason I am suggesting you consider her bringing her husband is because you now know she is upset and she is your friend. However, if you are strongly against him being there then stick to your plan because it sounds like she will be there regardless and won't back out of her duties. I may be wrong because I do not know her but if it were me I would remember this and privileges I give my friend in the future might change.

Tricia I think you are taking some comments the wrong way but what you’re doing is simply not the norm. If you have just 2 bridesmaids who by the general rule always get a plus one then they should get a plus one. In this case is not a plus one since they’re already married they get invited as one. I can understand you not getting invited to some of his event with people you don’t know but I’m sure you know your bridesmaids husband specially when describing one of them. Is like saying, aunt you’re invited but can’t bring your husband (your uncle) because we are not doing plus one. You get it? Even when all people in the bridal party are not having their significant others there the rest of the family and friends is which is wrong and consider rude. Your friend has the right to be upset and we are just trying to make you see that.

I’m having a small wedding of 50 guest as well. In the beginning of planning I told my best friend/moh that she wouldn’t be able to have a plus one due to guest limits and she was ok with him staying home. Her fiancé(whom I’ve met and hung out with plenty of times) is very quite at social gatherings. But if he’s out with his friends and family he’s his out going self. She was ok with this because she knew he would feel awkward during the ceremony being all Alone with only my family. Fast forward to a few days ago because my wedding is in 13 days,she joking told me her mom asked if,she(mom) and her now husband were invited to my wedding. Because I had a recent cousin move back to my home town, I told her that she can bring her mom since we know husband is too quite and I adore her mom.
I would suggest you talking to your moh personally and explaining the 25/25 guest list you had. Maybe that would ease her disappointment in her husband not going. Guest list are one of the most difficult part of a wedding. Hopefully talking to her and explaining it better will ease the tension. I wouldn’t say to her it’s a night away for peace though. Good luck. I understand the limited guest list and everyone feeling a type a away on who isn’t invited, it gets tiring and at the end of the day it’s your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Sorry. I thought it was a different poster that made this comment lol. I think explain that to her but she still may be upset because everyone handles situations differently. Hopefully she will understand and It's great you wouldn't be offended but some people want to bring their partners to all special events... Esp a wedding. Some of my friends want you being their husbands everywhere because they are a social unit. If you are still not wanting him you attend you should talk it out with her without mentioning his awkwardness, the free night or how you heard she isn't happy about it.