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Dedicated August 2020

Guest list dilemma

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Elena, on January 7, 2020 at 2:20 PM

Posted in Planning 23

Hello brides! I am in a bit of a pickle. Our venue has a capacity of 165. I have a large family, between my mom and dad I have 6 uncles and 4 aunts and lots of cousins! This total is about 80 all together. My fiance and I made a combined list of friends of about 40. My fiance has one aunt, one...

Hello brides!

I am in a bit of a pickle. Our venue has a capacity of 165. I have a large family, between my mom and dad I have 6 uncles and 4 aunts and lots of cousins! This total is about 80 all together. My fiance and I made a combined list of friends of about 40. My fiance has one aunt, one uncle and a sister. So I had thought that 35 guests for the family members and family friends would be enough. His mother gave me a guest list of about 40 which was totally fine.

2 weeks ago I decided it was time to order Save The Date cards as I had not heard an update in over four months regarding any additional guests from my fiance's mother. Last night I got a text from her explaining she wanted to add more guests. I nicely told her we are already over capacity and I was working off her original list of 40. She is now upset with me and believes she deserves more guests.

Has any one had a similar situation or advice?

Thank you!!!

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23 Comments

Dedicated August 2020
Elena · on January 8, 2020 at 8:55 AM
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Thanks Beryl! I appreciate the advice
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Devoted March 2019
Katie · on January 8, 2020 at 9:47 AM
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YES! I had this same situation, but we were easily able to come to a resolution with an open conversation.
Similarly, my mom has a HUGE family (she is one of 6 kids, all married with kids, and kids-kids) totaling 60+ people and my dad's family includes: two (married) brothers, with two kids for a grand total of 6 people on my dads side of the family.
My husband and I broke it down this way: 50 invites for us, 50 for his parents, and 50 for mine. I then went a step further with my (divorced) parents and gave my mom 35 and my dad 15...initially my dad was very upset because he felt he was footing more of the bill but getting less invites. I heard him out (honestly this was 90% of the battle because the parents just want their opinions to be heard!!!) and then told him that I want as much family to be able to attend as possible, and looking at the breakdown of the invites he still had freedoms to invite several close family friends with his invites.
Ask your FMIL who these people are and why they're special to her? Since save the dates are ordered and have not been mailed out tell her the number of invites she has is firm number, but she can decide who gets an invite by X date (Also remember once actual invites are sent out, any No RSVP's mean another invite can go out to someone who didn't make the original cut if y'all want)
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Dedicated August 2020
Elena · on January 8, 2020 at 9:51 AM
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Katie thank you so much for sharing your story! It is certainly hard to make things harder having divorced parents (my parents are also divorced). I agree an open conversation will be helpful to clarify everything and see what possibilities there are to create a happy situation for all parents.

Thank you again!
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