Elena
Dedicated August 2020

Guest list dilemma

Elena, on January 7, 2020 at 2:20 PM Posted in Planning 0 23
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Hello brides!

I am in a bit of a pickle. Our venue has a capacity of 165. I have a large family, between my mom and dad I have 6 uncles and 4 aunts and lots of cousins! This total is about 80 all together. My fiance and I made a combined list of friends of about 40. My fiance has one aunt, one uncle and a sister. So I had thought that 35 guests for the family members and family friends would be enough. His mother gave me a guest list of about 40 which was totally fine.

2 weeks ago I decided it was time to order Save The Date cards as I had not heard an update in over four months regarding any additional guests from my fiance's mother. Last night I got a text from her explaining she wanted to add more guests. I nicely told her we are already over capacity and I was working off her original list of 40. She is now upset with me and believes she deserves more guests.

Has any one had a similar situation or advice?

Thank you!!!

23 Comments

Latest activity by Elena, on January 8, 2020 at 9:51 AM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I would let her know that if there are people she wants to take off of her original list, you would be more than happy to add some from her new list. Is the list of 40 your FMIL gave you in addition to the 35 on your FH's side or is that 35 part of the 40?

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  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    My apologies,

    I see that part isn't clear. She gave me a list of 40 all together.

    There were 35 guests allotted for their family/family friends and she gave 40 which was find. But she wants to add more to the 40.

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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    Oh okay I gotcha, that's what I figured! When I first read it, I thought the 40 was in addition to the 35 and I thought "oh no you really are over capacity" lol. But yeah, I would just tell her it has nothing to do with whether you agree that she "deserves more guests", you just don't have the accommodations for any more. If that doesn't do it, I'd have FH talk to her directly.

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  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    Thanks Amber!

    Thats a good plan, I am going to have FH talk to tonight.

    Thank you for the help!

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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    Sure thing, glad I could help!

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I would definitely talk to her. You should never invite more than your venue can accommodate and it sounds like you already are which hopefully it's an issue, but I would highly advise against it.
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  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    I agree! Plus when I ask her who these extra guests she wants to invite are she says she hasn't figured it out yet.

    It is quite confusing and I am not sure if she's upset my family has more guests, however my parents are paying for everything.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    So she just wants to invite more people for the heck of it? That's a definite no. Your parents are paying for it so it only makes sense that they can invite more people because it is their money.
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  • L
    Savvy December 2019
    Laurel ·
    • Flag

    I would ask your fiancé to speak with her. No reason for her to be upset with you.

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  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    Exactly! I agree is a definite no. She also had many months to tell me if there was other guests she truly felt she needed there. But it was never mentioned till after I ordered Save The Dates.

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  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    I agree! Thanks Laurel!

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I would firmly tell her you can't accommodate any more guests then drop it. If she brings it up again, I would tell her once again that the guest list is finalized and your venue cannot accommodate anyone else.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Is she helping pay for anything? If not, just politely tell her that you’re sorry but your venue can’t accommodate anymore people.


    Maybe when people decline you can let her add some more on?
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  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    Thank you for the advice Veronica. Currently I left it with her as "I am sorry for any confusion but we are already over capacity" She said "ok" and I havn't heard anything since.


    If she asks again perhaps I could say we can put them on a "B List"?

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    You're welcome! I definitely wouldn't invite them unless you know for 100% certainly that you won't be over your venues capacity.
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  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    Hi Gen,

    Her and her husband will be paying for the rehearsal dinner. However my FH and I just wanted a backyard BBQ or pizza party she insisted we have a sit down dinner. But I did not ask her to pay for it, she offered.

    She is not paying for venue fee, food, DJ etc.

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  • Kelsie
    Devoted March 2020
    Kelsie ·
    • Flag

    I would let her look over her original list and make some changes if she wants to. If you want a smaller wedding and your venue won't hold more, than stick to your guns and only offer her 40 guests. My fiance and I did an A list and a B list. The B list we invite if we get some early no's and some seats are freed up. You may be able to offer this to her and explain if there ends up being room than we can invite the extra guests.

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  • B
    Savvy June 2020
    Beryl ·
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    My FH and I handled this situation the same way. We were going to go over capacity by 5-10 because my FMIL wanted VERY extended family and friends there and after a few back and forth of "I'm sorry but we can't, we literally don't have the capacity it's a fire code - safety code thing" she finally got it when I mentioned it was safety related. I hope it is received well! Congrats!

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  • Brittany
    Dedicated January 2021
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    Normally I'd agree with "it's your day so it's your guest list" but I'm struggling with your math a bit. You said your capacity is 165, and 80+40+40 is 160. If she's only over by 5 people, you probably will have enough no replies to still fit your venue. Why argue with her over 5 people?
    I'm saying this as someone who has a FMIL who will be very involved in the wedding planning when my parents are the main financial support.
    • Reply
  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
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    Ah I see my post isn't super clear. She wants to add more people in addition to the 40 original guests and will not tell me how many more guests she wants. Sorry for being a bit unclear in my post.

    Thank you for your comment Smiley smile


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