Guest list dilemma

I would let her know that if there are people she wants to take off of her original list, you would be more than happy to add some from her new list. Is the list of 40 your FMIL gave you in addition to the 35 on your FH's side or is that 35 part of the 40?

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My apologies,

I see that part isn't clear. She gave me a list of 40 all together.

There were 35 guests allotted for their family/family friends and she gave 40 which was find. But she wants to add more to the 40.

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Oh okay I gotcha, that's what I figured! When I first read it, I thought the 40 was in addition to the 35 and I thought "oh no you really are over capacity" lol. But yeah, I would just tell her it has nothing to do with whether you agree that she "deserves more guests", you just don't have the accommodations for any more. If that doesn't do it, I'd have FH talk to her directly.

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Thanks Amber!

Thats a good plan, I am going to have FH talk to tonight.

Thank you for the help!

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Sure thing, glad I could help!

I would definitely talk to her. You should never invite more than your venue can accommodate and it sounds like you already are which hopefully it's an issue, but I would highly advise against it.

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I agree! Plus when I ask her who these extra guests she wants to invite are she says she hasn't figured it out yet.

It is quite confusing and I am not sure if she's upset my family has more guests, however my parents are paying for everything.

View Quoted Comment So she just wants to invite more people for the heck of it? That's a definite no. Your parents are paying for it so it only makes sense that they can invite more people because it is their money.

I would ask your fiancé to speak with her. No reason for her to be upset with you.

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Exactly! I agree is a definite no. She also had many months to tell me if there was other guests she truly felt she needed there. But it was never mentioned till after I ordered Save The Dates.

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I agree! Thanks Laurel!

View Quoted Comment I would firmly tell her you can't accommodate any more guests then drop it. If she brings it up again, I would tell her once again that the guest list is finalized and your venue cannot accommodate anyone else.

Is she helping pay for anything? If not, just politely tell her that you’re sorry but your venue can’t accommodate anymore people.


Maybe when people decline you can let her add some more on?

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Thank you for the advice Veronica. Currently I left it with her as "I am sorry for any confusion but we are already over capacity" She said "ok" and I havn't heard anything since.

If she asks again perhaps I could say we can put them on a "B List"?

View Quoted Comment You're welcome! I definitely wouldn't invite them unless you know for 100% certainly that you won't be over your venues capacity.

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Hi Gen,

Her and her husband will be paying for the rehearsal dinner. However my FH and I just wanted a backyard BBQ or pizza party she insisted we have a sit down dinner. But I did not ask her to pay for it, she offered.

She is not paying for venue fee, food, DJ etc.

I would let her look over her original list and make some changes if she wants to. If you want a smaller wedding and your venue won't hold more, than stick to your guns and only offer her 40 guests. My fiance and I did an A list and a B list. The B list we invite if we get some early no's and some seats are freed up. You may be able to offer this to her and explain if there ends up being room than we can invite the extra guests.

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My FH and I handled this situation the same way. We were going to go over capacity by 5-10 because my FMIL wanted VERY extended family and friends there and after a few back and forth of "I'm sorry but we can't, we literally don't have the capacity it's a fire code - safety code thing" she finally got it when I mentioned it was safety related. I hope it is received well! Congrats!

Normally I'd agree with "it's your day so it's your guest list" but I'm struggling with your math a bit. You said your capacity is 165, and 80+40+40 is 160. If she's only over by 5 people, you probably will have enough no replies to still fit your venue. Why argue with her over 5 people?
I'm saying this as someone who has a FMIL who will be very involved in the wedding planning when my parents are the main financial support.

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Ah I see my post isn't super clear. She wants to add more people in addition to the 40 original guests and will not tell me how many more guests she wants. Sorry for being a bit unclear in my post.

Thank you for your comment