Guest food allergies and reception

This is the most ridiculous thing I think I've read sounds like you just wanted validation to serve a food your cousin has a "life threatening allergy" to (your words). Wedding wire community is all about the health and safety of their guests.

View Quoted Comment Actually I came on to get perspectives, but the answers have convinced me that the best thing to do is keep my menu as is and let her know and make her own decision about coming or not coming. I can't organize a 200-person event while catering to every single persons' concerns and needs, as much as I wish I could b

View Quoted Comment You...can...? No one is asking you to move your wedding across the country because your cousin lives across the country. Removing nuts from a salad so that your guests can safely attend your wedding is absolutely something that you can do, you’re just choosing not to.

View Quoted Comment

I can't organize a 200-person event while catering to every single persons' concerns and needs, as much as I wish I could

The point people have been trying to make is that there is a massive difference between catering to every single persons’ needs, and taking into account a potentially life threatening allergy of a family member.

If your cousin’s allergies are as serious as your sister suggests, that’s very very different to someone saying they don’t like the smell of peanuts, or the texture of oysters, or the pollen in lilies. And a relative is different to non-family guest.

Obviously the impact of your choice is going to be dependent on how severe those allergies are, and you should check that. And yes, you can make whatever choice you want on the end. Just make sure you’re cool with forever being known as the person who cared more about fish and nuts at her wedding than her cousin’s presence.

View Quoted Comment I feel like this should you change the menu because of a family member who is severely allergic probably, are you a horrible selfish person to go forward with your menu absolutely not. That would be like saying that all the brides going through with their wedding during a pandemic instead of postponing are selfish terrible people. I'm sure she has been around fish and nuts before at restaurants, bars, etc. It's something that unless she never goes out anywhere she might be around one or two times.


The only thing I say is that if you are going to keep the menu the same then make sure you tell her so she can decide what she wants to do.

Going against the grain here, but I have anaphylactic fish/seafood allergies and I attend weddings with fish being served all the time. Fish was even served at my own wedding. If I'm the only guest out of a 200-person crowd with the allergy, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking the hosts to eliminate that food just for me. Caterers are professionals and they know how to safely accommodate food allergies. Now I wouldn't recommend having a ton of seafood, but there are so many ways that caterers can accommodate. But I guess it also depends how close to fish your cousin can be. If her allergy is as severe as she claims, then what has she done at other weddings? Would she be in danger if somebody at the table next to her was eating fish? What does she do at restaurants if strangers a couple of tables away from her are eating seafood? These are questions you should ask her to get a better sense of her allergy. If you're having a plated meal, then a compromise might be to eliminate seafood from the meals of those seated at her table. But in conclusion: I've been to over 50 weddings in my life and can't recall a single one without some variety of fish being served. Aside from one problem incident in which the caterer messed up, the caterers have always been able to accommodate me. I'd talk to your cousin to get a better understanding of her allergy and then come up with a plan to accommodate her. Unless you will be serving a shi* ton of seafood or if her allergy is like the most severe on the planet, I guarantee any reputable caterer would be able to accommodate her.

I've repeatedly said that I will be clear with her about what we are serving and what accomodations I can offer. People have weddings all the time in non-ADA compliant venues, during covid, etc and do the best they can to help guests enjoy without taking over the day. I want fish, I've decided it's important to me and my other side of the family, and I'll be serving it.

View Quoted Comment I'm okay with serving the food I want to serve and letting her make the choice that's best for her. I won't lose sleep at night over that.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your perspective. The only wedding I've ever been to with her was bbq, so seafood didn't really come up. But I'm not sure about other weddings. We've traveled together before and eaten out and it has never come up in that context.


I also appreciate your suggestions. We could totally do a fish-free table and have a meal made for her first and sealed so there is no possibility of kitchen cross-contamination. I also would make a sealed hors d'oeuvres platter for her table so nobody is touching her food but her for any reason.
I definitely will check with her. I do think everyone is entitled to their comfort level, even if their allergy isn't severe, but it's not clear that it should change my entire menu. I have experience with other disabilities (sister with mental and physical limitations), so it's not my first rodeo balancing accomodations with the desires of others.

Facing a similar situation at the moment and really sad about it as I don't eat red meat and shellfish is my favourite food and the venue has such amazing choices. What did you end up doing? Definitely don't want to offend anyone/make anyone uncomfortable but also feeling pretty sad about spending $65k+ on a wedding and not having the food I love there.