Guest Added 2 Children to RSVP

Can you email them and let them know that you can't accommodate kids? Or is it possible they're just trying to rile you up?

I would say exactly what's in your post, that it will not be a child friendly environment, and unfortunately due to space and budget constraints children are not invited. Say 'we are sorry but we cannot make exceptions because there are just too many other people who have children and the event is not suitable for children, we hope you can still join us to celebrate.'

PS - that was a super ballsy way to RSVP, I would be super annoyed if I were you

Yes, what megan said and be nice but firm, dont let them negotiate with you. If you dont want to do it, get someone in the bridal party to do it on your behalf.

Abbiell - I wondered that, but I really don't know why they would do that. We hardly ever see them and have never even met their baby. I can't see what they would get out of trying to stress me out.

And yeah, Megan, I am actually super annoyed. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get. The RSVP was pretty clear.

We had someone do the same to us. We actually had FMIL handle it because it was her friend, but I'd just call and say that due to space constraints your wedding is a child free event. That you hope they can still make it, but you understand if they cannot. It sounds polite, but nonnegotiable. It is indeed not fair to allow them to bring their children, it was rude of them to ask/assume, and not allow other children at your event. I wouldn't mention anything about budget constraints because than people start offering to pay for their child's meal.

JuneBride, I'm glad I'm not the only one! And good idea about not mentioning budget. In our case there won't even be a children's meal - we're having hor d'oeuvres stations and cocktails. I mean unless these kids like crab cakes/coffee bar/quiche etc. . . there is nothing kid friendly even on our menu.

Http://www.dreamwedding.com/detail/i-didnt-invite-her-kids-she-doesnt-care

I would just call and kindly explain that you have decided to have an adult-only wedding and that while you love her kids, the environment is not fitting for them to attend and you would hope that they would still be able to attend. Or since it is family have your mom or whoever is related call them and explain the situation. If they are super close to you maybe you could offer the option of them having a babysitter the kids trust join them in the hotel they are staying in that way the kids can still travel with them (if they are traveling).

Ugh... I really hope no one pulls this crap with me! The only kids will be my 5 year old daughter who's the flower girl and my sister's 8 year old son who's the ring bearer. And they aren't even staying for the whole thing. After the ceremony, they are going inside my fmil home with a nanny and their cousins for games and a pizza party for the rest of the night. No kids at my wedding!

If it's a hassle and someone really wants to come, I may get a couple more babysitters and tell people they can leave their kids in the house, that way they are there but not at the actual wedding.

If you don't see them often and have never met their kids, how are they supposed to know the kids aren't welcome? Sure, you put "2 seats reserved," but people don't always read all the RSVP info and sometimes just write on it and throw it in the mail.

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt that they aren't try to be rude, they simply don't understand the situation. An email or a call will probably clear things up and they can decide what to do.

Elfie, if they wrote "plus 2 kids" they read far enough to know that they're kids weren't in the initial seat count.

Like the others have said, tell them it's adults only and that you hope they can still make it.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. My FH and I sent an email "to clear up the misunderstanding" this morning. We said:

"Thanks for sending in your RSVP for the wedding. We're really sorry if there was some confusion, but we’re actually not going to be able to include children at the wedding or the reception.

It's not personal, it's just that between all the children in our families and our friends with children, we would have ended up with too many kids to accommodate. We hope you and X can still be there, but completely understand if you’re unable to attend without the kids. Thanks for understanding."

Great response! Good work!

THIS is exactly why I'm putting "adult only affair" on our STD. Forget the "etiquette rule" and the arguments like "your guest aren't dumb" "Just address it to the parents and they will know." More people actually DON'T know than those that do.

Well, the drama has begun. Instead of responding to us. The mother of the children, called her mom (FH's aunt), who called FH's grandma, who called FMIL, who told me that they won't be attending our reception, but they WILL be bringing their children to the church where our ceremony is and they will hire someone to watch ONLY their children in the church nursery.

We've already told people in our family that NO child care will be available at the ceremony site, so now when they show up with their kids, even if they are in the nursery, I know it's going to piss others off. It's not like they can smuggle kids in. THEY ARE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE WE HAVE TO CONSIDER!

It's FHs family church, so I really don't really feel like we have the right to say they cannot be there in the building at all.

To top it all off, they live 2 hours away. They are causing all this drama to come to our 20 minute ceremony then drive 2 hours home.

Have a bridesmaid call and say, "Courtney asked me to call and let you know she got your RSVP, and she's so sorry-- this is not a kids event." By delegating to a BM you a: don't have to do it and b: make it harder for these people to argue, since she's just the messenger. Hopefully. Good luck!

Holy smokes, this woman sounds like a pill! If I were you I would have FH take lead on this one. I would also try and get FMIL on your team ASAP (if she is not already). She would probably be a great person to have in your corner since it's her sister and mother who have been brought into the mix and started stirring the pot even more.

All I can really tell you is don't stress too much. They are being super selfish about this. If other people get upset that those children are present in the church building I would be 100% honest and say sorry, this is a child free event, some rude family members decided to openly ignore our explicit request and brought their children. Honestly, they may reconsider if they have to pay to have a baby sitter watch the kids at the church anyway, especially if they are driving 4 hours round trip with their kids!

(who wants to drive two hours with their kids for a 20 minute ceremony and then turn right around and drive two hours again? and they won't even get cake!)

Rude people blow my mind. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. She needs SHUT DOWN!!! Call her and give her hell for being rude and tell her you understand if they can't make it, but this is NO KIDS!!

How RUDE of them.

I think you handled it very well!

We did the same as you with the RSVPs, so far no one has tried to add additional people to theirs. Our website also states "We know many of you are considering traveling to OH with young children. Please remember that the reception is limited to adults only. "

We've gotten 30 back with no incident.