Groomsmen help

I don't get why you're so involved with the groomsmen. Why isn't your FH handling this?

If they don't get a suit, they're not in the wedding. Whats the point of kicking them out (besides ending a friendship, which isn't yours to end...)? They either get it, or they don't. Plus you gave them a deadline that hasn't passed yet. Relax.

As far as the BM, your offered him a plus one. He asked you to use it, and now you're not going to give it to him because he took too long to decide (Um you haven't sent out invites yet...) and you don't approve of the date? You're in the wrong. Give him the plus one.

I really thing you need to take a step back because if I acted like this, my H's friends would think I was nuts and it would damage their relationship with my H, which isn't fair to him.

So, my wedding is also in March and the groomsmen haven't gotten suits. I understand your situation is different since they're custom, though, and I would be worried about that. What's the timeframe that the suit place gave you for ordering? If they still have time according to that timeframe I wouldn't worry. Plenty of people wait until the last minute, it's just how things go, you can send them friendly reminders but if they haven't gotten them yet, they probably won't hurry up just because you ask them to. Basically, give Groomsmen A + B time to figure things out. And have your fiancé communicate with them, not you. It's both of your wedding, but those are people that he chose to stand by him. He must have a good relationship with them, or at least better than you do, I assume.

As for the Best Man -I would let him bring someone. Final numbers aren't due to the venue this early in the game. For someone who is in one of the most important roles, and who is basically the most important man in your FH's life, he should be allowed to have a plus one, no strings attached. If he doesn't use it, fine, if he brings someone he just met two days before your numbers were due, also fine. I think it's standard practice to give everyone in the bridal party a plus one, and I wouldn't exclude him from that because his relationship ended. If anything, he probably needs a plus one now more than ever to avoid feeling lonely and left out on a day that should be about happiness and love.

Also, regarding this: But now I'm supposed to be like, "sure, bring this extra person I don't know that I have to pay for..."

That's literally what a plus one is. There will be people at my wedding that I don't know, I'm okay with that, because they make the day more enjoyable for the guests that I DO know and treasure. I think that you may be harboring some bad feelings towards him because of the money mismanagement and him dumping his girlfriend, the first part is understandable, but the second part (girlfriend of two years, she was at your engagement dinner) doesn't have anything to do with you.

A plus one is up to them to use. You don't get to dictate who their date is.

Your FH should be handling his GM, not you.

You need to calm down a little. Take a deep breath. They still have time to get their suits. They don't really need to help with anything.

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I don't get why you're so involved with the groomsmen. Why isn't your FH handling this?

Thanks for your response. I'm involved because we're now three months away from the wedding and I'm trying to finalize who is participating and attending. I've been hands-off throughout the planning process for the past nine months and have relegated all groomsmen activities to my fiance.

If they don't get a suit, they're not in the wedding. Whats the point of kicking them out (besides ending a friendship, which isn't yours to end...)? They either get it, or they don't. Plus you gave them a deadline that hasn't passed yet. Relax.

I'm not kicking anyone out, that's not my decision to make. I'm leaning towards not wanting him in it because he doesn't seem like he wants to be, but that's up to my fiance because that's his friend. The deadline was earlier, but I'm attempting to give one last deadline to see if it will get done. *fingers crossed*

As far as the BM, your offered him a plus one. He asked you to use it, and now you're not going to give it to him because he took too long to decide (Um you haven't sent out invites yet...) and you don't approve of the date? You're in the wrong. Give him the plus one.

We're over capacity on the guest list. I asked everyone in the guest list if they were bringing a guest and they gave me their answers, so we invited additional guests according to our new numbers. So, yes, it would've been easier to accommodate an extra guest if I had known about it beforehand.

I really thing you need to take a step back because if I acted like this, my H's friends would think I was nuts and it would damage their relationship with my H, which isn't fair to him.

Chill! I haven't said anything to them that would cause any damaged relationships LOL that's why I'm asking y'all here. I'm just feeling some type of way right now and I'm trying to figure out a course of action that will cause the least amount of damage.

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A plus one is up to them to use. You don't get to dictate who their date is.

I guess my question is, what if they said "no, I don't want one" when they were asked, and now, right before I'm putting the invitations in the mail, he says he wants one? We've already exceeded our numbers.

Your FH should be handling his GM, not you.

I'm not, the email I sent to A&B was the only direct communication I've had with them. My fiance has done everything else throughout the past nine months.

You need to calm down a little. Take a deep breath. They still have time to get their suits. They don't really need to help with anything.

Thanks

I totally get where you are coming from! I'd say that groomsman A needs to get it together because its not fair to you for him to be so unresponsive. He should understand that wedding planning is already a bit stressful and he's just making things harder. As to the guest list and the plus one, I say he doesn't get one. If you are already at capacity and you offered before and he said no, its not up to him to just change his mind to invite someone you don't know. I say definitely sit down with your fiancé and make your concerns clear. He should be making sure the groomsmen are all set, not you; you have enough to worry about! I'm sure you if you sit down with him and lay out all of your concerns, he would understand and be willing to help out more.

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How have you over exceeded your guest list? Are you inviting more people then you can host?

It sounds like you offered him a plus one, then took it back. Did you tell him you were going to do this?

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"I think that you may be harboring some bad feelings towards him"

I think you're right...I'm annoyed that when I asked him if he needed a plus one, he changed his mind as I'm getting ready to mail the invites and I have to figure out how to accommodate this change. I hate having to bank on 10-20% of the people we're inviting not to show in order to stay within the venue capacity.

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Yes, we've exceeded the guest list. My dear, sweet FH keeps inviting people in the hopes that 10-20% of those will not attend so we'll end up being at capacity.

Yes, everyone in the wedding party was offered a plus one. He said he didn't need one so that spot was filled with someone else.

The decision regarding plus ones is made at the time invitations go out. The wedding party should always be given a plus one if they are not dating anyone. If they are dating someone then that person gets invited by name as a "significant other" not a "plus one." So either way, you would be expected to give the best man a plus one. Not doing so would be considered rude on your part.

As for not getting their suits, not your circus, not your monkeys. These are your FH's friends. Let him handle it. If they don't get their suits in time for the wedding then your FH just won't have groomsmen.

Honestly I would boil it down to this:

If they manage to get their 'stuff' together like adults and have the right clothing on the day of the wedding, they'll stand up there and be groomsmen. But what's the worst case scenario?

One doesn't show up? Then they're not there for you to babysit anymore.

They wear the wrong thing? Then they can sit in the audience.

You've made your requirements clear, and whether you have 0 or 3 groomsmen, you will end the day happily married. Karma will take care of them, while you can just focus on things that you actually have control over.

With regards to the plus one: Unless you think this date will offensive/rude/whatever, just let the best man bring a plus one. She's probably a nice lady and who knows, maybe you'll make a new friend! Plus, having another girl there might make him step up his game and act like more of an adult than the rest of these guys...

Harsh, I know.

Plus one: If the invite was initially for a plus one and not specifically addressed to someone in particular, yes, he still gets his plus one. She just might feel really awkward there is she doesn't know anyone, but it's up to them whether she still wants to attend.

My father gets a plus one; someone I barely know and don't really like. I was hoping she'd invite my aunt instead (my aunt didn't meet our initial threshold), but no luck. I'm not rescinding it because I don't like her choice. A plus one is a plus one. I just won't talk with her beyond "hello and thanks for coming."

Suits: Most groomsmen do not get their suits that early. Just in general. Even custom ones. Kidding, my FH is getting it custom for April and they just told him "give us about 6 weeks for extra time." If they don't get them, they don't get them. That's up to them. No suit, no standing next to him during the big day.

In general: You are starting to micromanage details before those details need micromanaging. You gave them a deadline, let it go until the deadline. And then, after the deadline, let your FH address these concerns. They are his party after all. Most guys are a lot more relaxed about timelines, but that doesn't mean that they're unreliable. The more you put pressure, the more they become unreliable.

Take a moment, and find another project to look at the small details of. This is not one of your problems until at least 1 month from now.

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I totally understand being annoyed by him, trust me. I've had to change the guest list a lot in the last week and I mailed out invitations two days ago, and I really don't want to have to make more changes even though I know things will come up.

But that being said, you should only invite the number of guests that you have the capacity for. It does suck, because you want as many people to come as possible, and there may be people who don't show. But you never want to put yourself in a situation where you have too many people. Room capacities are there for a reason, the venue doesn't impose those on themselves, they're usually based on fire codes and your venue could pay a fine (and hold you liable) if too many people come. Your venue would LOVE for all those people to come in theory because then they would make more money per head, but they would definitely not love being in violation of any ordinances or codes.

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Oh dear.

This is just a mess.

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Thanks, several other brides on here agreed and said I should leave these issues to the groom. Which I have -- I just haven't seen any progress. I was thinking that a friendly nudge from "the bride" would motivate them to order their suits. I gave them until the end of January so that they'll arrive two weeks before the wedding. Hopefully everything fits correctly! One of my bridesmaids had to order another dress because there was a defect with the strap. However, because she ordered early enough, she was able to get it replaced in time. Two weeks for a suit doesn't leave much room for error.

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I should email your response to my fiance LOL You're bringing up an issue he hasn't even thought of yet. In addition to what you said, the other issue is that after a certain number of guests, we have to switch to a plated sit-down meal and that will increase our price by $10/head, plus we'd have to buy extra linens, centerpiece, chairs... We're already using one of the smaller overflow rooms for three additional tables. I just don't want it to be any more crowded than it needs to be.

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Thanks! Luckily, he still has 6 others

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Plus one: If the invite was initially for a plus one and not specifically addressed to someone in particular, yes, he still gets his plus one. She just might feel really awkward there is she doesn't know anyone, but it's up to them whether she still wants to attend.

The save the date was originally addressed to the best man and his girlfriend, they lived together. A couple of months after they broke up, we asked the entire wedding party if they were bringing plus ones/significant others. The best man said he wasn't going to bring anyone. Because of his response, my fiance decided to add to the guest list (replacing the best man's girlfriend's spot plus some >.<

You are starting to micromanage details before those details need micromanaging. You gave them a deadline, let it go until the deadline.

Was sending one email "micromanaging"?

View Quoted Comment Why I phrased it as "starting to micromanage". I know it's a semantics arguement, but the way you're describing the email and one text (followed by what you want to do) is micromanagement. It is the one part of the wedding you do not have to manage and you are preparing to do just that.