Groomsmen drama

FH did talk to them and tell them we were disappointed they didn't show, asking if they really wanted to be groomsmen. They both said they do but didn't give any explanation for not showing at the engagement party or reassurance that they would do better in the future. Idk what kinda advice I am looking for here. I guess just thoughts on the matter....

The only thing your wedding party "has to do" is show up dressed to the wedding in what he or she is supposed to be wearing, on time and sober. So I would take a step back, 2 years is a long time, I would hate for you to alienate them and wind up wedding party-less come 2016.

One thing my FH told me when i was getting upset about my BM's lack of interest when we first got engaged is that since its so far away no one was as involved or excited as i was. he told me i just needed to chill out and that the closer it gets the more involved and excited everyone will get. and he's right! yes, mines still a year away, but im starting to hear the comments "yalls wedding is next" "when are we going BM dress shopping" "have you figured xyz out".

just give it time. its hard to hear but no one is as excited as we are right now.

If it was me I wouldnt even been upset nor tripped about them not showing up to the engagement party. As for the groomman that went camping thats messed up that he isnt allowed around others.

As long as they show up for fitting for the tux and especially the wedding i would be cool.

I agree with @Erin. Let the dust settle and don't get caught up in groomsmen drama... it's only going to give you a headache and more drama for 2 years.

At the time of the engagement party no one knew the wedding date yet, not even the bridal party. The point of the party was to announce the date and the bridal party, as well as introducing everyone. So no one knew that it was two yrs away at that point. Also, when we asked each of the bridal party to be bridesmaids or groomsmen we told them what was expected of them and being at the engagement party was the first thing. I guess it just concerns me that if they agreed to be groomsmen knowing what we expected and then didn't come through for the first thing it makes me nervous about if they will show up to the wedding!

I never said we expected them at countless parties. Just the engagement party. Never even said we were planning on having anymore parties until the wedding. How can you be so confident that they will show at the wedding when the one reason I was given will still remain on the wedding day? I wish I was as confident!

I think you're reading too much into it. Sure, it would have been nice if they were there, but give 'em the cliff notes. The important thing is that you celebrated your engagement with those who are closest to you. The engagement party isn't as significant as the wedding. So even though they blew off the EP, there's no reason to deduce that they will flake out on the wedding. That's a giant leap to make.

You can't change it now. They didn't attend your engagement party. But they both said they'd still like to be groomsmen. If you're not comfortable, don't give them high priority tasks in the future. And don't spend time worrying about this, especially when you're two years out. You will not enjoy wedding planning if you worry every time someone can't follow through (it'll happen along the way... with professionals, too).

It's just the engagement party, but I understand. However, since your wedding is 2 years, I would have waited on picking on the bridal party because a lot can change in two years. I had about a 2 year engagement also, but I waited one year away to ask the bridal party.

You are being ridiculous. You cannot *demand* that anyone attend a party for you. Get over yourself. You invite people and THEY decide whether or not they can attend. Being in a wedding does not obligate anyone to attend a party two years before the actual wedding. Who cares if you were announcing the date? Those who weren't there can't find out the date another time? Your wedding is two years away! They probably stayed away because they are already tired of your demands and drama.

Why is everyone picking on OP? Kick them out of the bridal party NOW! You don't need the drama. No wait, actually, kick everyone out so you don't have to worry about anyone else's life getting in your way. The world needs to revolve around you and your wedding, everything else stops. So keep planning on being the center of the universe for two years honey. Plus, you wouldn't want a bridesmaid to get pregnant and ruin your wedding pics anyway!!

We are having a BBQ later on in the year as an "engagement" party in a way. We are inviting all FH's buddies who happen to also be groomsmen and our parents and siblings. We are not calling it an engagement party because we are not getting married until late next year so it seems silly to "hype up" the wedding so soon. TBT, no one will start to give a hoot about the wedding until like 4 months out when BM's need to start ordering dresses. I think the OP blew this way out of proportion.

I'd be worried about them flaking the day of? Engagement party, I can understand I guess if you have to but they need to understand that when they say yes to being groomsmen, they need to be there for the wedding.

I was a MOH for one of my best friends last year who had FOUR showers AND an engagement party. I went to all of it. And I hated spending that much time doing "wedding stuff." There's a line between being supportive and happy and being dragged all over the place in the name of matrimony.

People's time is precious. I'd start worrying about attendance when you get MUCH closer to your date. For now you're okay. I hope the guests who did show up know how much you appreciated their presence.

"So we had our engagement party and we told the entire bridal party that we expected them all to be there. "

Slow your roll. You invite people to parties, not demand their attendance.

You need to take a step back and breathe. Sure, it would be great if the whole BP attended, but it is ridiculous to demand it. An engagement party is not on the same level of importance as a wedding. We didn't even have one!

Also, by your standards, I should kick my MOH out because she didn't attend my bridal shower (actually only 1/5 bridesmaids made it, for various personal reasons). I have full confidence they will be there on my wedding day, but the extra parties (showers, bachelorettes, engagement parties) are just that... extra.

It is going to be a long two years if you keep stressing like this.

I wouldn't worry about it! It's annoying and I would try the figure in the issue between the groomsman and best man's wife.. But I wouldn't kick them out of the wedding! It's nice if they go but not mandatory!

Yes it's annoying, but you pick your bridal party because you want them next to you when you get married, and to be there when you celebrate not because they will do anything else.

Sorry, you only get one day. You can't "expect" your bridal party they have to be at your engagement party. Pre-wedding parties are totally optional. You can invite them and tell them it would mean a lot to you that they show up, but you can't tell them they have to be there.

Repeat after me: No one is as excited about my wedding as I am.

Wow! OP, you just got schooled in wedding expectations!