Groomsmen backing out 24 days before the wedding

Unfortunately this just comes with the territory of having a wedding right now, and it sucks!!! My husband's brother's couldn't come and his dad didn't feel comfortable even though up until the week before he said he was coming and we asked him many times/made as many accommodations as we could. Many guests dropped out days before. Ultimately its up to your fiance what he wants to do, and you just have to support him and find a solution that you both agree with.

I am sorry your future spouse will be down a groomsman. That really is a bummer.

But as for: "What do I do?!! Do I try and get a stand in? Do I let FH handle it? How do I deal with one of my 'maids all of a sudden lacking an escort?" The answers are Nothing, Nope, Yep, and She can walk alone or double up with another groomsman.

Wedding parties are not just bodies filling spots; they are your nearest and dearest. If they can't make it, you grieve and then you move on with your planning. Other than being sad, nothing will be affected.

Unfortunately, these things happen. I would just accept it and move on. I'm currently five weeks pregnant so I understand not wanting to bring a baby to wedding in the middle of a pandemic or him wanting to attend by himself and risk getting sick and then going home to his baby. I can tell you one of my friend's got married a few years ago and her sister didn't attend because she just had a baby.

Personally, I’d let FH deal with it. If he wants to replace his brother then he should make that decision.


I’m sure your FBIL really did have every intention of going, let’s face it- states are being butts and I’m sure as the date got closer he’s getting more and more nervous. Especially if he’s around some people he doesn’t know and then going back to his new born.
But, I would definitely leave it up to FH. My FBIL canceled on us this week just over a month before our wedding- but he’s having majorly surgery and won’t be able to travel for 6-8 weeks post-op

I am sorry but as others have said this is the time we are in right now and I think him being a father maybe changed his perspective. It does not help that there are news reports of people catching COVID at parties and weddings. I would not do a stand in as that person will feel like a back up option. I say that he needs to be the one to tell your FH his decision and let your FH deal with the situation.

I'm sorry. A groomsman backed out 4 days before our wedding because he and his pregnant wife were not comfortable with him attending. That's great and all, and I understand completely, but if you were uncomfortable this whole time, you think you would change your mind 4 days before the wedding? I just let my husband handle it...

Uneven wedding parties happen all the time, and BM can walk down or up an aisle without an escort. As for brother, you can ask months and months ahead until you make yourself and everyone else crazy, but for a young man, nothing you could say would hit him as reality until it happens. He may have thought he could chase around the country overnight, 8 months ago. But by now someone has told him if he leaves, he cannot come back to his wife or child for 15 days. Quarantine. And nothing in his mind prepared him for a picture like that. Life is all about the marriage and family, a wedding is just a blip on his awareness screen. So, he misses his brother's wedding, in a very good cause. You and FI can do nothing but accept it and wish him well. It is up to your FI to deal with any people who have not RSVP from his family. And to go with his guys if necessary to order suits ( or tuxes.) Just calm down, and focus on things you can do. Seating chart? Cards? I missed one brother and one sister's weddings, illness , and being 3,000 miles away. One brother missed mine. The earth did not shake. It would have been nice, but... things happen. FI will lose a groomsman at his wedding and gain a tiny niece or nephew. He knew it was coming. At this point there is
nothing you can change, so let it happen. It will all come together.

That’s a bummer but yea there’s not much you can do :/
I would just not replace him and instead have whomever walk in by themselves or you can just have groomsmen walk in by themselves and bridesmaids walk in by themselves

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with you that I really wish people would just be honest way ahead of time. As frustrating and crappy as it is to have people drop a few days ahead (many of my husband's family did this), from my experience it isn't done maliciously and (most) people just don't realize how and why its so frustrating. Some fully want to come and just don't listen to the parts of them they dont feel comfortable until its so close and realize they can't avoid that feeling anymore. Either way it sucks but if its not done maliciously we unfortunately have to let it go :/

Let your fh deal with it. I don't think you're a b word. I would be disappointed as well. He could have came and kept extreme social distance. If one is wearing a mask and staying 6 ft away from everyone then I don't understand how it's any more dangerous then him shopping at a grocery store lol. Oh well, to each their own. Sending you hugs.

As someone who just had to drop out of a family members wedding, please try not to take this personally or let it ruin your relationship going forward. It’s not an easy decision to tell someone who we love and are close with we have to back out. There is a pandemic going on and he has a newborn, so his priority should be keeping his child and wife safe.


It doesn’t mean he loves you both any less, if there is even a 1% chance he could get his newborn or postpartum wife sick, he is making the right decision by not attending your wedding, regardless of how late of notice.

Let your FH deal with it. My FH still hasn’t decided on who the groomsmen are, suit or tuxes, etc. The more I forced the issue, the less excited I was about planning this. Finally, I just apologized for pushing & asked if January (we’re getting married in April) was a good deadline for the decision on those topics. That took so much stress off both of us & put the enjoyment back into planning it!
Maybe 1 of your groomsmen will walk with 2 bridesmaids? There’s always a work around!

He has an infant at home. That alone means he shouldn’t fly during the pand

Sorry, it cut off. He shouldn’t be expected to fly during the pandemic. If you can’t find a stand in, let one guy walk with two ladies.

Baby in pandemic > wedding party

"I don't know. I know I sound super selfish and like a b!ch, but I just can't with this family!"

That sucks that the decision was made so late, but it make sense. If I had a new baby or one on the way I wouldn't want to be left alone during a pandemic. I think you should let your FH deal with it how he wants. We just found out last night that my fiance's dad isn't coming to our wedding because his stepmom is terrified of the virus. It sucks, but let you FH choose what he wants to do

A lot of people travelling in ways that cross quarantine required places do not realize that going to some states and Canada, you have to go, and stay 10-14 days before you see anybody. Or that if one person at the event in the next 10-14 days comes down with Covid, they cannot go back to their family until they have spent 14 days alone. Did the groom ever discuss that extra 2 weeks to 4 weeks his brother could have to be away from his young babies, or were they thinking brother could fly in and return home in a day? Would anyone here want their husband away for a minimum of 16 days, for an overnight visit plus 14 quarantine days? OP, did you ever discuss with the groomsman, 16 days before returning to care of his young babies? ... Or is the sudden last minute change because someone explained the meaning of being quarantined ?