Groomsman Trouble

I'm not sure how I'd handle the situation but I'd definitely get FH to ask his friend if he can change his flight before hand. Maybe he has to work late Friday or maybe there weren't many flight options? Maybe that flight was the only one he can afford? (I know on Expedia they give you options based on price and the cheaper ones are usually at inconvenient times.)

I'd have FH talk to him one more time but I guess at the end of the day as long as he makes it for the reception and is already printed in things I'd just leave it. He is still going to show up to celebrate with you even if he misses the ceremony, which totally sucks, but there isn't much you can do at this point unless you kick him out totally which he could lose his money for the flights, it could hurt his relationship with FH, etc.

Some battles aren't worth it at the end of the day. He'll be there one way or another, maybe a little late, but still.

This is your FH's decision. It's his friend, so if he wants him there as a GM (albeit, a late one), then he should be. I understand your frustration but don't let a late flight ruin a friendship, especially when it's not even your friendship to ruin.

Honestly, I would not intervene in this. Let him be in the pictures and be a part of things for your FH's sake. Trust me, I understand being frustrated with groomsmen, we have a big bridal party and it's been like pulling teeth to get them to do basic things like RSVP and turn in their measurements (one still hasn't and we asked them to be in 2 weeks ago; this will potentially hold up the order for everyone which we told him, so inconsiderate). However, your FH is entitled to having his friends be his groomsmen, I'm sorry but I don't think it's your place to knock him down a peg, obnoxious as he is being. He already payed for his tux, FH already got him a gift, just let it go and accept that he'll be late. It isn't hurting you, and it happens even when the planning was done properly.

Let your FH handle the situation. If he is OK with the plans as they are, that is the way they will be.

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I agree. A lifelong friendship is more important than his role in a big day. Try to let it roll of your back as much as you can, despite it being irritating AF.

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I definitely don't want to interfere with their friendship. The biggest thing I concerned with is including him in pictures. If he is late to cocktail hour, which is when we are taking pictures, then it would push back the start of our reception. I feel like it isn't fair to start the reception late because we are waiting on someone to arrive late for pictures. I was thinking of leaving things how they are, but not including him in the bridal party pictures. I don't want to shift the entire timeline because he didn't buy his ticket sooner, which is the reason for the late arrival. I feel like if he can get there for the pictures fine, but I don't think we should have to hold everyone up because of it. My fiance wants to wait for him to get there though.

What will be will be. Assume he's not really in the wedding party and move on like he isn't. He is now more of a glorified guest that just happens to match the groomsmen.

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Then just take the day as it comes. If he's there for pictures, great. If not, oh well. Talk to FH about the timeline and how inconsiderate it would be to guests to wait too long. Maybe he can call you guys when he's close or when his plane lands so you'll know how late he'll be.

I agree with others though, see if he can still switch his flight. He might still have time to do this, if he can afford it.

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That does change the situation - timing is important. Ask FH if he can address this with his friend - that if he can't move his flight up, he's in danger of missing the pictures and you're not going to hold up your reception for him - that does hurt you and isn't fair. Also, you can tell FH that you'll accommodate as much as is reasonable, which I feel would be to plan to start the pictures with your "couple" portraits and then do the "bridesmaids with couple" pictures if you're doing those - then groomsmen and whole party last. If he isn't there by then, that's on him.

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Thank you for the advice! That's a really good idea. I'll make sure to talk to the photographer and try to do all the family and bridesmaid pictures first and hopefully he'll make it in time for the groomsmen pictures. I didn't even think of that.

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I think that's a good compromise, you're doing all you can to accommodate him without holding everyone else up and missing your own reception - that's where I'd draw the line for sure!

If he does happen to miss the photos, you can also get the BP back together after dinner for one more group shot, just so there is at least one picture with him in it for your FH.

I guess I'm the only oddball here, but I agree with you that if he isn't in the ceremony, he shouldn't be in the pictures. It's going to look awfully strange when a non-groomsman (sorry, but if you aren't in the ceremony, you aren't a groomsman) pops into the pictures taken after the ceremony, but isn't in any of the ones in the ceremony itself.

If FH wants him in a picture, he could maybe be in 1 or 2 with FH, or maybe you and FH. I would not put him in all of them.

Why on earth would he book a flight so late?!?! He might as well not even come...

but whats done is done I guess??

I agree with the above - just let this one go. If he is there for photos, fine, he can be in them. But absolutely do not make your guest wait because he chose to fly in late.

We had a kind of similar thing happen with our best man. He was not able to make the drive (like 7 or 8 hours) for the wedding until the day of. DH was really bummed that he would miss rehearsal, all the getting ready, and then photos because we were doing photos pre ceremony. I was worried that he would miss the ceremony or flake all together. He ended up meeting us at the park while we were doing photos, so some have him in it and some don't. He had to change on the limo too haha.

It was something that we had to let go of and not worry about because it was out of our control. I know how upsetting it is though. At least he will be there to celebrate. I wouldn't kick him out or take away his title (don't worry about the programs) and go with the flow. Have FH talk to him and see if the flight can be changed, and if not, it is what it is.

It sounds like your FH has made up his mind, and you need to let it go. For whatever reason, this was a hat worked for him— we don’t know what the particulars of his situation are but there’s surely a reason this was the plan he ended up with. It’s important to FH he’s part of the day, so there’s no reason to exclude him. He perfectly may well still make the ceremony. If I knew I was rushing to get somewhere, I sure as heck wouldn’t be checking a bag so there would be no waiting for luggage (I almost never check a bag anyway). Just let it go.

View Quoted Comment I truly don’t understand why this would “look weird”

You choose your bridal party because of your relationship to them. They’re important to you. You are the only ones who would ever notice the discrepancy in photos, and it’s only because you know they weren’t there. It doesn’t actually “look” like anything.

Dont get me wrong, I understand the frustration. But you have to try to believe that he’s doing the best he can (sure we don’t know, but sometimes we have to try to convince ourselves). Like if there’s something he can’t miss in the morning, and he’s coming as soon as he can to be there for as much as he can.

But, this is essentially a marriage compromise. It’s omportant to FH. The best YOU can do, is not let it ruin your day.

View Quoted Comment Ahh didn’t see this part—- that is fair then, to not delay the party for everyone else. I wouldn’t start the reception late either. If he makes it, great, if not, I’d say don’t delay on his behalf. If the pictures are important to FH, maybe the boys can duck out for a few photos later in the reception.

Can he change his flight? Maybe your fiance could help with the cost to change it?

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That sounds really stressful. I'm glad he ended up making it on time. I'm curious where he is going to change in to his tux since he will be driving from the airport. But I guess that is something he will have to figure out.

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That is how I was originally feeling yesterday. I thought the only responsibility of bridesmaids and groomsmen is to stand with the bride and groom at the alter for the ceremony. At least that is what everyone posts on here. So when he said he won't make it to the ceremony I didn't think he would be a groomsman anymore. Sure he's on the program, that isn't going to be changed at this point. But he literally will be there for the reception and that's it. I don't understand how that is being a groomsman. That's my fiance's area though. If he still wants to consider him one then that's on him. I'm not holding up the reception to wait on him for pictures though.