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Beginner September 2020

Grooms sister a automatic bridesmaid?

Shelbilyn, on February 17, 2020 at 8:59 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 26
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Do you think people would automatically think because my fiancé has sisters that they would automatically be my bridesmaids? He has 2 full sisters and 1 step sister, one is like me personality wise but lives across the US, the other is way different than me or the kind of friends and people I hang with but is the closest sister to my fiancé and the step sister is nice but is younger, shy and quiet. I’m having an issue with feeling like I want to do what I want versus doing the nice thing. If I have one a bridesmaid then the nice thing to do would be to invite the other two to be bridesmaids. I have a feeling my Future MIL and the closest sister think she is in the party. Also, my groom did not invite my younger brother or my sisters bf as part of the party so why do us females feel like we have to have the sisters apart of our party?! What do I do or say? HELP! I don’t like hurting people’s feelings but I like my line up of my sister, cousin and 3 closest best friends.

26 Comments

  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    • Flag
    You arent obligated to have anybody in your party. I had my SIL in my group and my H had one of his 2 brothers, just because he's closer to one.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    Nope. My husband has two sisters and two stepsisters and they were not bridesmaids. One of them cried when they found out but that didn’t make me change my plans. His two sisters were groomsmaids on his side.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    You do not have to invite them. I think the only time I have seen SIL's in the bridal party is if they have a close relationship. I would say do not invite one without inviting the others to not cause any issues. You are not obligated and if anyone asks just state that you wanted to keep it to close friends even though you love them and want to have a close relationship with them.

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    Attendants should be on the side of the person they are closest to. So your FI could have them as groomswomen if he likes. You shouldn't feel obligated to have them on your side.

    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Super January 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    You don’t have to. My FH sister is one of mine and it has strengthened our relationship. She’s getting married two months before us and I’m not one of hers and it didn’t really make me feel any type of way. But she had 9 bridesmaids already so 10 would have been a lot.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think so. My brother wasn’t automatically a groomsmen just cause of that
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner September 2020
    Shelbilyn ·
    • Flag
    I asked my FH opinion and he clearly was upset by me not wanting to at least invite his closest sister so I think to keep everyone happy I’ll have all 3 sisters. Thanks for the input everyone!
    • Reply
  • H
    Dedicated June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    If your brother was a groomsman, then I can see why they might be offended if your fiance's sisters weren't bridesmaids. But you said that your brother wasn't included! It seems odd that your FH is upset about you not wanting to include his sisters, when he is not including YOUR brother! That doesn't seem very fair


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  • S
    Beginner September 2020
    Shelbilyn ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah well he asked if I think he cared and i don’t think he would and he’s also 20 and my fiancé is 29 so like all the other groomsmen are his age and such for the parties and all that.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    Nope. Not at all. My fiance's sister was a bridesmaid in his brother's wedding. But she isnt in ours. It just didnt fit into our plan.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Your bridal party is up to you and you alone, choose who you want by your side.
    I wasn’t a bridesmaid to my SIL when my brother married, and am perfectly happy about that. I love her, but we’re just not *that* close. No negative feelings whatsoever.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    In our case, it was a 100% that siblings would be in the bridal party. But we are all close & get along great. So my brother was for sure a groomsman, and my husband's 4 sisters (2 sisters, one stepsister, one stepsister in law) were bridesmaids. They lived in 4 states so they didn't get to do a lot of in town things but it was still special to have them on the big day.

    • Reply
  • A
    Expert May 2020
    Alex ·
    • Flag

    They do not have to be a bridesmaid, but I would think of a way to include them.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    There is no need to have his sisters, or your brothers and sisters, in the wedding party. Only ask them if you want to. And you can ask one you are closer to without asking the others. And no need to have people who had you on their wedding. The only traditional etiquette is that you the bride ( not mothers) ask family or friends you feel especially close to now. And groom does the same. You don't even decide for the groom, or he for you. You choose who you want. That is all.
    • Reply
  • Holly
    Dedicated September 2020
    Holly ·
    • Flag

    No way! My FH has a sister and I never once considered her to be in it. She probably wouldn't anyway just based on who she is as a person. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings. The way to avoid it is to just not say anything to anyone except those that you choose to stand with you. If they ask, let them know you are still making decisions and will let them know.

    His sister is actually dating his best friend who is standing with FH and still there was no pressure to add her. You make it look the way you want it to look, and if that goes against what we as women are made to feel, SO BE IT!

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    No, absolutely not. You are not required to include anyone you don't want in your bridal party. I wouldn't think that anyone would assume that they were in your party, but crazier things have happened. My FH has three sisters and they're not included in my bridal party. They live out of the country so I've only met them a handful of times, so it would just be weird. You're right though, there does seem to be a double-standard about bridal parties.

    • Reply
  • Crystal
    Devoted November 2020
    Crystal ·
    • Flag

    Nope. Especially if he's not including your side. If it was an agreement that you'd both include everyone sure.


    Also, I'm very pro- groomswomen and bridesmen.

    • Reply
  • V
    Dedicated August 2020
    Valerie ·
    • Flag
    Keep your line up. If you fiancé didn’t ask your brother, don’t worry about asking his sisters. Different story if he had one and you wanted to be nice and include one but three is way different. Save yourself the trouble. You can have whoever you want stand up in your wedding and it’s wrong to assume they would be
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Dedicated September 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    If he is not having your brother than you don't need to have his sisters. My FH is having my brother, but I'm not having his sister. Mostly because she refuses to acknowledge we are getting married.
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated May 2020
    Millicent ·
    • Flag

    I don't see the groom's sister as being an automatic BM. I don't think you're obligated to have her as a BM. BMs are people that you are supposed to be close to, not people who are in by obligation.

    • Reply

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