Grooms parents have not offered

I am so sorry to hear about your mother! My prayers are with you all!

I understand your point. You are not entitled you are simply disappointed and have every right to feel the way you feel about it. Not all will agree but everyone handles things differently. I lost my mom to Lung Cancer when I was 10 years old. While I do have a lot of support with family and siblings, I just had a conversation with my M-I-L regarding her support for the wedding. We had a great conversation about the role I want her and my Father In Law to play and where I would like their support. I think she always wanted to help but did not want to seem overbearing. Once we discussed everything, things seemed to fall into place. Hope everything works out!

Condolences about your mother, OP. She sounds like an incredible woman, and is lucky to have you.

I also don't read entitlement. I read disappointment and resentment that your mom, whose story you know and who has sacrificed so much for her family and is facing a horrendous battle with equally awful consequences, with no fault of her own, is still willing to support you in this way while your FH's parents are not.

I also would vote not to have your FH say anything to his parents. It's water under the bridge at this point: you've almost paid for everything, this would really be more of a tit-for-tat deal than asking for genuine help.

I'm going to say something unpopular here, but I think that if they were willing to help FSIL for her wedding, they should also be offering to help you and FH. He's their child too, I don't think that's entitled, and as their child too, I would be hurt if my parents were willing to help one child and not the other. If they are financially able, they should want to help. That's how I would feel. It's not your responsibility to bring up though, it's FH's. I also wouldn't let them have any sort of say in the wedding. I think this is going to effect your relationship permanently, and that is concerning. Maybe that's petty, but I would be kind of hurt, especially with all that you and your mom are going through. I think that parents should treat their children equally. When we spoke to both sets of parents, they all acknowledged that how they handled our wedding would set the tone for all future sibling weddings. They were happy to help, because we're their sons/daughters.

Second @Celia's post.

OP - I'm sorry for what you are going through. Are you more upset they are only interested in their granddaughters, and not asked, is there anything we can do? Not money, but run an errand, help with a diy project? I get that. My FIL are only concerned about how things can be easier for their daughter (who is 42!). Some people are just like that. It stinks. Be thankful your FH isn't like that.

I keep reading on sites that traditionally the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. If that's tradition, what's wrong with expecting someone from the culture to do the same, especially if the bride's been paying for most of it already. I don't see why the groom's parents don't feel this is just as much their son's event as it is the bride's.

Tradition =/= required or etiquette. It's rude to ask for money or expect gifts.