Grooms parents have not offered

Yet they have not expressed to help whatsoever. His mom is only concerned about the flower girls (her only two grandchildren) but nothing else expressed on helping with set-up, tear-down, financials, etc. I'm so disheartened after the hardships I have faced with my mom. My fiancé doesn't know what to do, but knows how upset I am with their lack of support for our big day. My mom has told me to pull what little out of her savings to go towards our wedding, but I can't accept that. She fought our whole life and now she's fighting her biggest battle yet. At the end of the day, the money doesn't matter, as we've almost paid it off on our own, it's just the principle of the matter. Thank god my fiancé's heart is different from theirs, but because it was expressed the day we got engaged by his sister what each parent gave her for her wedding (7k each) it has not sat right with us. Should he say something? He wants to because its created a barrier for me to go around all of them, but I don't what to cause problems. I just wish they expressed they wanted to help, we don't need it, but with the hardships it's so sad how old fashioned they must be and stuck in their ways that this is completely the brides side duties... it's 2017!

I am so sorry about your mum. You must have such a mix of emotions going on right now. I must say though, your FH's parents are not obliged to even put a cent towards your wedding. You say they are being old fashioned by thinking it's the bride's parents duties to pay for the wedding, actually you also seem to have an old school view too, considering you think parents are obliged to chip in. They are not. Please don't get your FH to bring it up to them, absolutely not good could come of that.

I'm so sorry for everything going on with your mom. But I think you should just worry about her and your wedding. Your wedding is right around the corner so there is no need to worry about what they did for his sister and not your FH. If they decide to help than ok fine but don't guilt them into helping definitely when it's not something they have to do or your even almost finish paying for the wedding. Enjoy your time with your mom and don't sweat the small stuff.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sure this must be a very difficult time for you and I can't imagine going through that.

As for your wedding, your FILs are not responsible for paying for your wedding and you shouldn't expect any money out of them. Like you said, it's 2017 and most couples pay for their own wedding and don't expect hand outs from their family. I'm sorry but you sound a little entitled. Just because they paid for his sister's (which is typically tradition if you say they are old fashioned) doesn't mean they have to pay for yours. There is no "principle of the matter" as you say.

You have said that you have it almost all paid off, which is great. Be happy in the fact that you didn't need anyone's help paying for your day. The most important thing is to focus on your mom.

I'm really sorry for the difficulty you're facing currently and I hope your mom can continue to fight the good fight and hold on for much much longer.

As for the bulk of your email. I'm sorry to have to say it, but the fact that you seem to be so hurt that someone hasn't offered you money reeks of entitlement. Just because they helped pay for FSIL'S wedding doesn't mean they owe you anything. It also doesn't mean you actually know what's the truth of their finances or the truth of their reasoning. You don't know. And you're not entitled to their money. So stop feeling bad for yourself and tell your FH he needs to stop feeling bad for himself too. As you said, you don't need the money so what would him talking to them even be for? That's just a really bad idea designed to create a fight or more of a chasm between you and your in-laws.

I am really sorry to hear about your mother and wish you all the best in that situation. Cancer sucks ass.

Honestly, I don't want to sound harsh, but his parents are no way obligated to pay one penny towards your wedding. Like you said it's 2017, and with that most of those "the groom's family pays" have went completely out the window and most of us pay for our own wedding completely outright. My FH's mother has not offered and probably will not offer to pay for anything and I am absolutely fine with that.

When you plan a wedding, your budget is literally the first thing you do. So with that, setting a budget you feel completely comfortable with is key. I would absolutely not have FH approach his parents about not contributing. It's inappropriate and he honestly doesn't have a right.

Your mom is a fighter. Blessings to her. But come on hun. This is what you should like.....they did it for her they should do it for him. It's only right. I mean fair is fair.....right? Actually no. You cant tell them how to use their money. Unless you have a signed contract from them saying they will give money they owe you nothing. They made the money they can spend it however. Look at it this way...they may gift you something in a card at the reception but you're so eager to have it NOW you say something and they change their minds. No don't say anything its not yours or your FH place. Its their money

I think OP is just trying to say that she's disappointed that they aren't offering any help she's not saying she needs it or expected it. I wouldn't say anything to his family because if they wanted to help they would offer on their own. Just try to think of the positives and enjoy your wedding day

I agree with Amber - I'm sure you must feel so alone trying to do this yourself without your mom's help. If you really want their help, I'd ask them to help with something small and see how it goes. Even if it's asking his mom to get your nails done together so you can try out a shade. That might open the door

I agree with Amber and Chelsey. I don't think you sound entitled, I think you're jus sad and disappointed. I'm sure if his mom had offered to address save-the-dates with you or asked what can she do to help, you would feel a little better. Also, weddings, cancer diagnoses, and family dynamics are hard enough to deal with in isolation, but all together it's enough to make a person lose it. If your in-laws were more emotionally supportive, you might feel differently as well.

I like the idea of inviting you FMIL out for lunch or something to check-in. I wouldn't ask for anything, but it might just spark a connection that wasn't there before. And, who knows, maybe she's been staying out of everything because she doesn't want to be overbearing or put too much pressure on you.

So sorry about your mom. But, you are expected to pay for your own wedding. No one is supposed to offer. It's not a requirement. Find a way to pay for it yourself, or don't have one.

So sorry to hear about your mom. I can't even imagine how hard that is.

I wouldn't have FH say anything to his parents. Although it may be disappointing they haven't offered any help with the wedding (financial or otherwise), they really aren't required too. Like PP's have said, many couples pay for the wedding themselves. Setting a budget and sticking to it, no matter how big or small, is the main priority.

I'm sorry about your mom, that must be so hard. My FH's parents pretty much paid for his brothers entire wedding, and a good portion of his sister's as well. While it hurts me for FH that won't give to him when they gave to his siblings, we don't expect them to pay for our wedding. We haven't said anything and we won't.

I am sorry to hear about your mom

your fiances family doesn't owe you anything. Especially because they gave their other kids. Is it fair no, but life sucks like that sometimes. Were they nice to you before this? Did they treat you with respect and love? If the answer is yes do not let money that you are not obligated to get ruin the relationship. Them not paying or offering do not make them bad people

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My FH is a stage 4 brain cancer survivor. I hope your mom continues to fight, as she really does have so much to look forward to with your starting your new life.

In regards to the wedding, unfortunately sometimes our in-laws do things that we might find disappointing. Fortunately, as you said, you've already almost paid off the wedding. We cannot control the actions of others, and at this point, having your FH get involved will only strain the relationship further. I understand that you are just venting, but I'd try to focus on other things and move forward.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom she sounds like a very strong and determined woman and I'm sure she will give this battle her all.

As everyone else has said, it's not their responsibility to pay for anything, and while it's surely depressing, I wouldn't necessarily take it as a lack of support for the marriage. People's financial status changes, sometimes in the blink of an eye; you don't know what theirs actually is or how they've chosen to spend whatever money they have.

You've made a smart move in paying for everything yourselves. And no, he shouldn't say anything.

Look to the future and don't let this drive a wedge between the families.

As everyone has said, you really can't ask for money or compare parents. If they gave the other children money, perhaps you will receive it after the wedding? Perhaps they won't. Some people do truly believe the bride's side pays for the wedding. Then again, if they are that traditional, the groom's side used to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Have they offered to host?

No one has to give you money or help for any part of your wedding. No One At All. Im sorry about your mom but that does not make them obligated to do anything to help you guys...

I'm sorry about your mom. While it's very disappointing that they paid so much for his sisters wedding and haven't offered any help for yours, it's not their responsibility. I would not ask or say anything but continue paying yourselves.

I am sorry to hear about your mother and will be praying for her.

However your FILs are not required to offer anything towards your wedding.