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J
November 2019

Grooms family paying for more guests on our side

Jamie, on December 25, 2018 at 11:03 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 24

I’m the mother of the groom and already feeling like persona non grata. I was told I could invite 10 people out of 150. We have a small family (bride’s family is huge) and we have many life long friends. The venue can hold lots more than they are inviting, so can I offer to pay for say 10 more...
I’m the mother of the groom and already feeling like persona non grata. I was told I could invite 10 people out of 150. We have a small family (bride’s family is huge) and we have many life long friends. The venue can hold lots more than they are inviting, so can I offer to pay for say 10 more family friends? The brides family is paying for everything. We are paying for the rehersal dinner. Money isn’t an issue for either family. I just feel like our side isn’t fairly represented. I am NOT pushy or demanding...I just want to feel like this is a wedding that represents our family too.
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24 Comments

  • J
    November 2019
    Jamie ·
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    Thank you for all the input...I asked and they said that wasn’t a problem. I went into it with the sensitivities mentioned and it was an opportunity for me to get closer to my FDIL, so it was a good thing.
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  • Randi
    Randi ·
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    Hi Alexandra,

    I'm coming from a position of future MIL....

    Please don't be put-off by your your future MIL offering to pay for friends to attend.....

    A wedding is the joining of two families and their friends. I'm sure your future MIL simply wants to share the joy of your wedding with other people she loves. (I know that's what I want, and I would be so hurt by your not wanting to at least talk to me about your concerns)!

    Years from now, it won't really matter who was there, just that the family 'experience' was wonderful!!



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  • Alexandra
    VIP June 2019
    Alexandra ·
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    Hi Randi - thanks for the input! Perhaps my situation is unique... it very much is about the “power” in our circumstance. My mom and FMIL have both clearly stated that it is about the power that comes with the gift of money. In particular, my FMIL has not been shy about sharing what she would do differently if she were paying. I (as well as my FH) have discussed this with them on multiple occasions. Over and over, decisions have been tried to be made on our behalf by offering to pay - so I sometimes I become a very stressed bride - we just want the moms to let us make our own decisions... we are adults getting married, after all.
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  • Alexandra
    VIP June 2019
    Alexandra ·
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    Oh! And I should also mention that I get along extremely well with my FMIL otherwise Smiley smile
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