Grooms family paying for more guests on our side

If you’re paying for it by all means! It doesn’t hurt to ask.

If you're willing to pay for it then bring it up to your son and the bride and see what they say!

Thank you, I’ll give it a try! Cheers!

That's kind of what we did for his mom. She kept wanting to add her friends and FH told her if she wanted any more she would need to pay for them.

My dad is paying for a big chunk of my wedding. My sisters had two family friends they wanted to invite and got it approved by him and me.

Personally I wouldn't ask. The wedding isn't about representing your family, it's about representing the couple. If your son wanted those family friends there then he would have them on his own guest list. If my parents had asked to invite more than the 2-3 couples I offered then I would have said no. Not because of money but because we wanted the people there to matter to us and their family friends just didn't make the cut. 10 people for you, 10 for the bride's family. . It adds up. They should be surrounded by their loved ones, not yours

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. It happened with us and it got out of control. Parents wanted to invite people from their lives but it was people my husband hadn’t talked to since he was a kid. We gave parents a set number they could invite outside of family and put up a firm boundary when they tried to push it.

There's no harm in asking. The issue isn't that the venue has reached capacity and you are offering to cover the cost. Personally if it was me as the bride, I would have no issue at all. But the only way to know is to ask. Good luck!

My FMIL asked about paying for additional guests and I was highly put off by it. It gave me this sense that it was all about the money and not about what FH and I actually wanted.

We politely said no and honestly since then I have backed off from sharing as much about our wedding because I really don’t want it to become a situation where anytime my FMIL doesn’t like a choice we’ve made she offers to pay for what she wants.

You know your son and future DIL the best, but I’d be wary of doing this for the sake of relationships.

You can offer, but you can’t be upset if they say no. Remember this is not your wedding, but your child’s and it is you child who gets to determine their own guestlist, and the idea of needing representation is silly. Your role is to be there for your child, not to party with and show off to all of your old friends. And there may be more to the size of their guestlist that has nothing to do with space or budget.

I probably would’ve said no if my parents had tried this for me. I chose my guestlist based on very specific parameters. This INCLUDED some of my parents’ lifelong friends, but certainly not ALL of them. I chose the ones who were important to me and that I still have a relationship with. There are other dear friends who I love and am happy to hear about after my parents see them, but I also haven’t seen them in a decade or more and MY wedding was not the time for a reunion.

I wouldn't ask. I feel that would be overstepping. The bride and groom made their guest list choice and while you may not like it, it is their wedding and I think you should respect their decision.

Also, it puts them in an awkward position of having to tell you no and feeling bad, or saying yes to appease you and then feeling resentful.

I know it would be nice to have more people that you think should be there, but just keep reminding yourself that this is their day, not yours. They made their decision on guest list and if they wanted more people then they would have invited more.

I think that is totally reasonable to invite more guests if you will be paying for them! One of my family friends is getting married next year (he is the groom) and his mom is doing exactly this... adding a few more guests and paying for them herself. As long as it’s not a space issue, I don’t see why they would say no!

I wouldn't ask.... your son and future daughter in law likely have a certain size wedding that they have in mind and only want people there that are close to THEM. It probably isn't even about the money. It also sounds like your family is well represented (meaning they are all invited) - it is more friends you want to invite. The bride has a large family (as do I) and there is not a darn thing she can do about it and every one of those people will soon become the family of your son. So, viewing things as "our guest list" and "their guest list" isn't in your son's best interest. I went through this with my MIL and I truly believe weddings are for family and people that are close to the BRIDE and GROOM. They are not a reunion of parents friends, a chance for parents to entertain their friends, etc. Unless the bride and groom know your friends exceptionally well and see them regularly and recently, I would very much let this go. I've been married now for 5 months and still have ill feelings about the extreme back and forth i went through with my MIL on the guest list.

Honestly, I was very put off when my in laws kept trying to add people FH didn’t know and I certainly didn’t know (they didn’t offer to pay but that wouldn’t have made it any better). More people ups more than just food/booze costs, there’s cake, table settings, floral arrangements. The main reason I kept saying no and FH and I pushed back so much was because FH and I didn’t want to spend our wedding being introduced to people! You have so little time to spend with guests.

View Quoted Comment

I'm a bride that did say no when my MIL asked to invite more friends. There were a few reasons why:

1. I didn't want anyone to think that decisions were being driven by money and that offering $ gives some sort of free pass to override the type of wedding i was planning. I had plenty of money to pay for my wedding. The logistics of figuring out a per guest fee isn't exactly easy either (as it's for sure more than just dinner + drinks).

2. These people had never met me and hadn't seen my husband in years (except for maybe a funeral).

3. You read on this site from everyone in their BAMs that the day just flies by and wow does it ever. You won't really understand it until you go through it yourself. My wedding was large because my family is large (110 aunts, uncles, first cousins + families) so my numbers were around 180. I was already very worried that I wouldn't have time to socialize with everyone I wanted to (and in hindsight, I didn't) so I was most definitely not going to add people that I've never met and my husband wasn't close to. That would probably be my one piece of advice - really just include those close to the bride and groom to keep from being spread too thin.

Obviously there are a number of ways to look at this situation, I just wanted to share mine as there are reasons to say no to money.

View Quoted Comment Oh yeah I 100% agree that you shouldn’t invite anyone that the bride/groom doesn’t know, especially if one of them hasn’t even met those people. I actually said no to my FFIL adding some friends who my FH hasnt seen in about 10 years and I’ve never met, for those same reasons you just mentioned. When OP said “family friends” I was assuming that they were people the groom knows and that the bride has at least met.

View Quoted Comment This. If in addition to family, they have said 5 couples or 10 guests, you are well represented. It is not a numbers game of sides. The overwhelming majority of guests should have a very close tie to B & G, not just their parents. . . "I really don’t want it to become a situation where anytime my FMIL doesn’t like a choice we’ve made she offers to pay for what she wants." And this is a very important reason not to just offer money. As a couple, they have decided a max number of guests they want to keep a size group they want, 125-150. So that they have time to spend talking with all their guests, not rushing around barely greeting people. In the future, they see themselves as an independent household. If they want to move to town A, will someone offer money to " fix things" so they will move closer to parents on one side...when they do not want to? When / if there are kids, will they establish what they do and do not want them to have, only to ha e inlaws keep providing things the parents do not want them to have at all? This wedding is the couple's way to set boundaries, and offering money, which you will likely be upset to find won't change their minds, becomes a bone of contention over time: it becomes a control issue. Don't do it, please, if you value your relationship after the wedding, and do not want them leaving you out of things in the future because you do not respect their plans, and want to buy the right to change them. It would be different if they were having trouble with the most basic costs of a small wedding, poor from school debt or medical bills. And it would be different if you offered the $1500 simply as a gift, telling them to spend it on anything that they want. But with strings attached, " I know you do not want 10 more people, but do it anyway with this $1500 - not nice, when you think about it.

This is their wedding, not your reunion. One doesn't invite guests to someone else's party.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment These are lifelong friends that have known my son since birth. I asked and they are fine with it.