Groom refusing to wear a suit, even with compromise he wants to wear jeans.

He clearly has some deep seeded issues. He won't compromise on something that stupid? What happens when your faced with bigger issues and he refuses you?

If you’re getting no compromise on return from him, that is not a healthy relationship imo. This is going to set a precedent for all disagreements going forward and he will always look to you to compromise.

I read this to DH. He hates dressing up but does when necessary. He was like "cant he wear khakis?".

I would be concerned if this is the way he is taking compromise for your wedding, he might not be ready to get married.

I agree on the counseling. I hope that it works out for you guys. You shouldnt have to compromise on every aspect of the wedding.

FH wouldn't be caught dead in jeans at his wedding. He's more picky than i am when it comes to attire.

I wouldn't NOT talk to FH over attire though... that's a little ridiculous in my opinion

It’s not compromise when one person is refusing to do anything except what they want and the other has to go along with it. DH didn’t want to wear his suit for our wedding, and here’s how the conversation went:

Him: I don’t want to wear a suit for our wedding.

Me: Right, what were you thinking you’d wear?

Him: Jeans and my Hawaiian shirt (side note: his Hawaiian shirt was at least in our wedding colours!)

Me: hmm, I’m not really sure that jeans and a Hawaiian shirt are appropriate for a church wedding. Plus you look so good in your suit and I’d really love to have some nice photos of the two of us all dressed up.

Him: yeah I see your point. OK. How about I wear my suit for the ceremony and photos and then change after dinner?

Me: that sounds like a compromise I can live with.

Spoiler: he didn’t get changed and wore his suit all night. I’m glad you’re going to counselling because he needs to learn the meaning of the word compromise.

If he doesn't want to compromise with this detail and you seem to be the only one always compromising you guys should be sitting at the couple counselors door when it opens. If this has you two not speaking after the wedding when life really starts won't be any better

I think you have much larger issues than what to wear to the wedding . . .

"Why wouldn't he want to see me happy on my wedding day"... it's not just your wedding, it's his as well. You both need to have a serious conversation and both need to make compromise. I agree with @LisaMarie that this sounds like a compatibility issue because the both of you shouldn't get so upset over attire that you stop talking. To be honest, if you love him you need to consider his comfort. There are plenty of nice jeans that wouldn't look sloppy for a wedding. What you wear for your wedding is not the important part, it's superficial. The two of you joining in marriage is what matters. I also urge counseling and to think long and hard about your feelings. If jeans are relationship ending, that's not love.

This bears more-than-faint reminders of my ex-fiance. Any idea of his was perfect and infallible, whereas any idea of mine was outdated, "too expensive," or on some level "not good enough" because it wasn't from his culture. He actually did suggest wearing jeans and a Hawaiian shirt and going down to the marriage office "for the slip of paper."

Wedding planning (and getting focus by way moving to a city seven time zones away to do the long-distance thing) brought the entire relationship into perspective: He was a narcissistic abuser who as the relationship grew more serious, engaged in more psychological mind tricks.

(Epilogue: he eventually wound up having a big wedding in his home country and as you can see from my avatar, I'm getting married this coming Saturday. The event will be a black-tie affair.)

The fact that he won't wear appropriate attire gives me the visual that he's a child throwing a tantrum.

This isn’t a clothing issue, it’s a communication issue. Neither of you seem to be able to communicate properly to each other. It’s not about the attire, it’s about respecting what both of you want and how you compromise. One of you always acquiescing is not compromising.

Yes on the counseling. At the same time I would suggest not reading any more comments if you already have counseling scheduled. The extra color commentary can only taint your counseling and expectations going into it. Especially when we only hear your side and we have no idea if you're leaving something out.

I would hate this too but maybe he could wear black jeans. If he's really adamant, maybe rethink the dress?

Agree w PPs re: counseling. My FH and I do things to try to make the other one happy. He doesn't want to wear a tux, but I know he'd wear one if I asked him to, but I want him to wear what he wants (full disclosure: he wears suits all the time. If he were a 100% sweatpants or jean-wearing I might feel the need to have more of a say)

A good compromise may be for him to wear a suit for the ceremony and photos but, then he can change into jeans for the reception.

I agree with PPs though that this is much bigger than just deciding attire. Glad to hear your both going to counseling.

My FH isn't the type of person to wear suits either. He wanted to wear jeans and a polo as well but but he seeing that this is his wedding as well I made him compromise. Ceremony he's needs to wear the suit and for the reception he can wear what he want. Eventually after realizing how important this day is to me, he decided he wanted to wear the suit all day as long as he could wear sneakers (tennis shoes) the whole time. So the advice I would give to you is to remember that the wedding should have a little piece of him and a little piece of you and a whole lot of compromising to make this day have both of your personality in it. Good luck on your big day and always remember compromising is what a marriage is all about.

BTW my FH and I went through and still is going through couples counseling just to make sure we can continue to stay on the right path of knowing how to compromise that would be something I would recommend before your date!

Comprimise is key, and I do think the way to comprimise is trying to envision how the other feels. What if your FH was insisting that you only wear a casual, short sundress, nothing fancy? How would you feel giving up your dream. glitzy dress? He is probably feeling the same way giving up his jeans. It is what he wants, just like you want the glitzy dress. Keep that perspective in mind when you discuss it with him. Neither one of you are right or wrong.

And some people do have casual weddings with the groom in jeans. Backyard BBQ weddings happen all the time. They are just as good as formal affairs, but it sounds like each of you want drastically different visions for your wedding.

Also if it helps, my groom and groomsmen and all male family members will be in black tuxes. But the BF of a bridesmaid of mine will be in jeans, even though our wedding is a very formal affair. It is fine, it makes him comfortable, and he really doesn't own anything else. If this is the same for you FH, let him wear the jeans. I'd let my FH wear jeans, even if the groomsmen were all in tuxes. Even if everyone else is dressed up, I think he should be allowed to wear whatever he wants. Just like you can wear whatever you want.

I was same way I get real anxiety when dressed up I ended up caving in and wearing tux and my life has been living hell ever since I was miserable at my wedding and I have not ever allowed anyone to even look at my photos. I don't have a good memory of a day that should have been fun. Please don't do this to anyone ever