Grieving and moving on

I’m still coming to terms with it. Our governor in NY has banned dancing so we’re living in the town from footloose. My venues current capacity is a quarter of the people I sent STD to and we have no idea who we can cut without feeling horrible about it. But I met someone that I truly love who feels the same for me, wants to create tiny humans with and we decided that we want to share that with everyone we love and that helps with some of the frustration and anger towards not having the exact day that I planned. Still sucks though.

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry you're going through this. I have a family member planning a wedding in NY and every day is a new adventure with the rules. It does suck but you're right, you're about to start a union and a family and that's the most important thing

To be honest, I let myself be as sad as I needed to be and cried about it (and some other personal drama going on) for longer than I want to admit. When I felt ready to let go and move past being sad, I refocused on the good and we figured out a plan. We aren’t going to have the day we imagined, but we get to get married with those closest to us, and that’s what’s really important to us. We’re only 17 days out now and sometimes I still overthink and stress myself out and feel sad about the things that can’t be as we planned, but I lean on my FH and my mom for support when I need it.

View Quoted Comment It really is the most Important thing. We’re thinking about having a tiered reception with two groups for three hours each so everyone has an opportunity to come. But I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that.

View Quoted Comment I actually haven't cried more than a couple of minutes. I think I have just been in such an intense problem solving mode that I didnt give myself time to just feel. Maybe I need to let myself have some time to feel disappointed and sad instead of just being stressed.

I think we dealt with the situation sooner than most people did. Our wedding was originally scheduled for November 2020. We live in Illinois, which had the first US case of COVID-19, so we were very aware and watching the situation early on. As cases begin to spread quickly, we had that awful feeling that we were not going to be able to move forward with our wedding as planned. By March, it was pretty clear that we needed to sit down and discuss our options. We did not want to cut our guest list, or put our guests in a position where they didn’t feel safe, or have everybody wearing masks. We also did not want to forfeit hugging, or dancing, or bar hopping after our reception. We wanted to have the wedding we had dreamed of, and had been planning for the past year and a half (now nearly 2 years!). We knew the only way to accomplish that would be to postpone our wedding. Once we decided that, we then had to decide whether we would simply wait another year, or if we would get married on our original date with just the 2 of us or maybe a few family members, then have the big celebration the following year. Ultimately, we decided to just postpone. We both felt that we would be settling for less if we did that and that it wouldn’t feel as special to us- it would feel more like a business transaction than a celebration. We felt the same about having the big celebration the following year- that it just wouldn’t feel as special because it wasn’t really our wedding. I was also worried that a lot of people wouldn’t attend the following year. One of my cousins did a courthouse marriage with her now husband because he was leaving for the military, and they had the large celebration the following year, and a ton of people didn’t show up because they were “already married”. It was super disheartening to have to extend our engagement a 3rd year, but we both agreed that was the only option for us to have the wedding we both really wanted. The way we looked at it was, we only get one shot at this, and as much as it sucks to postpone, we would rather wait & not always regret not having the wedding we really wanted. Now we are just trying to focus on the silver linings (more time to save money, get in shape, add things we had previously wanted but didn’t have the funds for, etc.).
This situation is soooooo unfair to all couples who are supposed to get married in 2020. And unfortunately, there is no magic solution- everyone is being forced to compromise in some way. I think you and your fiancé just need to do some soul-searching and decide what is more important to you (getting married right away, or having the wedding you dreamed of), and which option will cause you the least amount of regret in the long run.

View Quoted Comment I understand completely. I didn’t let myself actually feel sad about the disappointments until about a month ago when the wedding planning stuff combined with other family stuff. I guess it was a matter of time before it all caught up with me. If you’re feeling disappointed and sad, acknowledge those feelings and let yourself feel them, maybe it will even help with your stress. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment OMG I’m dying at “we are living in the town from footloose“ 😂😂

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this honest answer! This is really helpful for me. I was tracking the virus before it came to the US (I am too into the news) so I was ringing the alarm in late Feb/early March and FH thought I was crazy. FH just always believed it would be gone by now, which has delayed these really critical discussions. I think we need to list out our priorities and the restrictions and see what we can do.

View Quoted Comment 😂😂😂. Lol when I got the alert on my phone. I literally said “What in the Kevin Bacon is going on”

View Quoted Comment BAHAHAHA!!! Omg yer killin me!! 🤣🤣

View Quoted Comment Girl, you and I were ringing that bell together! LOL Everyone thought I was being ridiculous getting all worried about it so early!
I think once you and your fiancé sit down, map out all your options, and are really open and honest about what is important to each of you, you will come up with the answer that is best for you and your relationship ❤️

I want to reach out and hug you and everyone else that posted on this post. I'm in the same situation as well. We were originally planning a 250-person wedding in New Orleans in January. I was so excited, and had been planning galore. However, in June, I started to see the writing on the wall. When the NOLA's COVID cases were back on the rise, the City scaled back its reopening plan and went from allowing 100 people (which made me hopeful that the reopening plan would continue in a positive direction) to 25 people -- with no dancing, live indoor entertainment or buffets. NOLA's mayor is not playing and the City's restrictions are more strict than the state. I stopped planning and essentially withdrew from discussing the wedding at all. I cried . . . and yelled that it wasn't fair since my fiance and I really wanted to celebrate our love since met (late 30s/early 40s), have been together for 2 years and was looking forward to celebrating our wedding (and both of our first marriage) with everyone. However, we (really me, my fiance was willing to do whatever I wanted that would make me happy) made the decision to plan a smaller wedding (a minimony) with just immediate family (15 people) in Destin, Florida (which is close to my hometown in Florida). Once I made the decision, I was sad, but I felt relieved. I decided that I still wanted that wedding experience even if it is smaller, so we're getting married at a resort on the beach. I'm now excited about my wedding again. Granted, it's not what I imagined, and I probably would have never gone this route outside of these circumstances, but I'm at peace with our decision. With this change, we can splurge on certain things and really focus on making sure that all of our guests have an AMAZING time. Plus, my wallet is happier now too. LOL! You'll have to do what works best for you - whether that's postponing or having a smaller event. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, and know that it's okay to feel that way. Just know, you're not alone in dealing with this! Either way, like previous posters said, you and your future hubby still win the prize - each other.

I couldn’t imagine a reception without dancing. That would just be weird to me.


Our June 2020 wedding turned into December 2020 which is now December 2021. We are already legally married. It’s ironic because I said form the get go I didn’t want to be planning a wedding for 2 years and look at what happened.

View Quoted Comment It makes me feel hopeful that you're so excited about your new plan! I think I'm in the withdrawing phase now, but I know I need to move forward eventually. I would just feel so relieved to have a plan

View Quoted Comment I feel you! I wanted to be done with planning by now and off to our new lives on schedule. But the world had other plans! I do believe everything works out for good in the end

View Quoted Comment HAHAHAHAHAH DYING

Our initial date was July 25th 2020 and when the day came I was an emotional wreck. I made a post here and with the support of all the lovely ladies here, I made it through the day. We moved the date to July 25th 2021 and then decided we didn’t want to be set up for another let down in the event we are still going through restrictions. I’m in Maryland and our county is still in Phase II Reopenings (Modified) and no telling when that will change. So now we’ve decided to have a micro wedding November 7th 2020 with only 14 guests and all the bells and whistles of a larger celebration just on a smaller scale and budget. I’m not worried about face masks, if it helps to keep our guests safe so be it. It’s going to be our new norm for a while wether we like it or not. What matters is that we have our day, our way and with the ones that means the most to us and that’s exactly how it’s turning out. I couldn’t be more happier with the decision.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing! Your day sounds like it will be amazing. What a wonderful plan

Our wedding has been canceled twice already. Can’t say I agree that people will be less excited. We’ve canceled so many times that people are dying to finally show up to the wedding that was and wasn’t.