Goth wedding

I think it will look great, I would phrase it as “we ask that you wear all black attire” rather than “goth” (your friends will get this part/can be more word of mouth. I think this is a less intimidating approach for guests.

I likely wouldn’t attend an event that dictated what I wear. Doesn’t feel right to me to be asked to dress in any style but my own. I’d wear something appropriate for the occasion (e.g. not show up in an evening gown to a casual event, or in leggings at a formal event) - but I would not buy a special one time outfit that didn’t fit my personal style - leave that to the bridal party and leave the rest of your guests to what makes THEM comfortable and happy. It’s your wedding but the celebration should be about your guests’ comfort and enjoyment also. I think it would be horrible and rude if a loved one asked me to choose between feeling like a clown in goth or missing their wedding altogether.

And I’ll clarify that I’m not calling anyone else in goth a clown, but me. I would feel so out of my element and foolish and uncomfortable in that sort of look. Anyone who likes it for them - great - but so not my thing.

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I think this is bang on. You could say “we ask that you wear all black or, if you wish, goth attire” - I wouldn’t have the slightest issue if I got invited to a wedding with that on the invitation. I probably wouldn’t go full goth, but I might have some fun with makeup or accessories to make my LBD a bit more goth than usual. But if I got invited to a wedding and told I HAD to wear a goth outfit, I’d decline. The whole “it’s my day” thing is fine if you’re not hosting guests, but the second you start inviting people you do actually have to take them into account. Not everyone will be comfortable wearing goth attire, and if you really want people to do that (and are making it a condition of their attendance) you’d best be prepared for a reasonable number of declines.

You get to choose your bridal party's attire with consideration of their budgets. You do NOT get to choose your guests' attire. They're guests, not props for "your day." I'd skip a wedding that did that.

I think it would be so cool to have people participate and make the theme that much more special. However, you must be understanding if people do not follow it. Offer a black dress-code and not fully goth. I hope it turns out fun though and would love to see pictures!

I'll go ahead and join the "ask, don't mandate" crowd. I, too, would feel *very* odd in goth attire. Also, while I do often purchase something new for a wedding, it's always something I would wear again, and I wouldn't wear goth again. Plus, you said they can grab a cute outfit for pretty cheap, but Hot Topic really isn't all that cheap for a one off outfit.

If you feel like you're wearing a costume when you go to others events, then match the formality of the event in a goth style, and you won't be in a costume, you'll be wearing what you're comfortable in, and matching the event.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate all the comments. Sorry for my outbursts..it’s just that I have already invested a lot into the goth theme so I’m a little panicked to hear feedback. We rented an authentic animatronic chucky doll to be the ring bearer and expecting that to be a big hit. The church is giving me hell about the whole ring bearer thing, and also hassling me about walking down the aisle to Marilyn Manson’s rendition of tainted love (it is tasteful IMO). To think that my wedding could be a flop after all this planning just worries me to half to death.

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I don't think you have to worry that it will be a flop! Even if all the guests don't dress completely in theme, I think you and FS will be the ones who really set the tone for the theme, which is all that truly matters. I also think people would be more than willing to come in black, which would keep the mood and also look great in pictures.

I also think, if the church doesn't budge, that it's okay for the reception to be the themed part. My church is very strict about music/decor/etc during marriage ceremonies, so I know I wouldn't get away with the things you're talking about. But it might be possible to incorporate all of that and more into your reception.

Suggested attire yes, mandated is a no.
Like so many have said.

As the bride, yes it’s your day. But that doesn’t mean we don’t think about the comfort of the guests. For me, I want the guests to leave saying they had a great time, they ate great food, what a great wedding. And it sounds like you already have a lot of elements to your wedding that will make it memorable and enjoyable. But I think dictating goth attire would make a lot of people uncomfortable. And really, what the guests wear will not make or break your day.
I hope it all goes well and you enjoy your day no matter the outcome!! I’d love to see pics when all is said and done!

I just want to say I got some *very* hurtful comments on this (I cannot find them right now —- hopefully they were taken down thank u moderators) but I want to thank Shirley for having my back and so many other brides too. Now I also want to say my post has been featured in a reddit board dedicated to wedding shaming with over 100 comments telling me I am a big fat idiot. Ouch. All I can say is that my goth wedding will carry on in spite of this hatred. In fact — it will be MORE goth than I had even anticipated bc of how upset / sad I am over all this. I will have a permanent scowl in all my wedding photos bc of this and luckily for me that will be on theme. Also to the people that say I’m not “goth enough” — I went as far as to put a live spider in each invitation (the envelopes were bubble wrapped for anyone who is going to claim animal cruelty).

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You actually put a live spider in each invitation? Are you trolling us?

View Quoted Comment I sent the invitations by FedEx overnight And there was plenty of room in the envelope for them to survive, as I took all the necessary precautions. Some guests report being spooked which was my goal, while others simply did not see the spider. Anyway, I am yet again being quoted on reddit and I ask that everyone please stop the bullying, and NO I am not trolling but thank you for further making me feel like cr*p.

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Very curious about the logistics. Did you buy spiders from the pet store? Isn't overnighting expensive? Are they the kind of spiders that bite?

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(Definitely trolling)

View Quoted Comment They were harmless garden spiders from the pet store (they would have ended up as a lizard’s dinner) and my future hubby works at the local fedex so there was a nice discount——not that it’s anyone’s business. You are assuming that I don’t have a lot of money because I am goth? And many ppl have said i must be broke bc I am shopping at hot topic. Also not true.

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I don't think any of us are assuming that you don't have a lot of money. Just baffled at the notion that you would ship live spiders in the mail with your wedding invitations. I can't imagine opening up a wedding invitation with a live spider inside

Spiders in invitations might be the first truly unique idea I have seen here! If it weren't obviously fake/trolling, I might be impressed (though I do actually think that would be animal cruelty and certainly *guest* cruelty).