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Jennifer
Beginner October 2020

Goth wedding

Jennifer, on September 14, 2020 at 6:51 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 38
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Does anyone find it in bad taste to have a wedding that asks guests to wear all goth clothing on the invitation? Future hubby and I are both big goths (my dress is all black satin with a deep purple train) and we would really appreciate is guests went along with the theme. Is it too much to ask?? They could just hop into a hot topic and grab a cute outfit for pretty cheap (if malls open back up that is..or maybe hot topic has a website for online shopping??) open to all suggestions (except those that say goth is bad haha)

38 Comments

Latest activity by Maggie, on September 18, 2020 at 12:23 PM
  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    You can't dictate what your guests wear. Not everyone is comfortable in that attire or willing to pay for it.
  • Jennifer
    Beginner October 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    But it’s my day .
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    Yes, it is in bad taste and too much to ask to require your guests wear a certain color or style (beyond a basic suggested dress code like "cocktail" or "casual"). They are your guests, not photo props.

    You and your future spouse can absolutely dress any way you like and have whatever theme or decor you want. This is not a judgement on "goth." This is advice against trying to micromanage your guests, which could end up making them feel they aren't welcome or that you value how your photos look over their presence.

  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    You can certainly suggest an attire and theme but it won’t mean people have to or will all follow it
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    I’ve been to theme weddings where the couples have invited their guests to participate in the theme. I think inviting guests to participate is fun! I don’t however think that you should mandate what people HAVE to wear. I would just politely suggest it either on your invitations, details cards, and/or wedding website. Gothic or alternative attire isn’t something I personally view as strange (I worked at hot topic for 7 years), but I know it can be considered quite “extreme” by a lot of people. Maybe instead of specifying exclusively Gothic attire, you could broaden it to black attire as well, for the less adventurous guests. It would help them to blend in with those who DID opt for Gothic attire, plus it would allow them to feel more comfortable and not require them to spend money on new clothing they probably will never wear again. You could say something to the effect of: The couple encourages guests to participate in the theme by wearing gothic or all black attire.
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I think suggesting it is fine, but trying to make someone wear something specific isn’t. Tell them you them and ask that they participate!
  • Jennifer
    Beginner October 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Ummmmm I feel like nobody is considering that for ME, wearing “normal” clothes is asking me to wear a costume. I show up to everyone else’s wedding in a costume so now they better show up to mine in one..a goth one.
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    To be honest, I don’t see an issue with it as long as its within reason (i.e. placing the dress code as ‘all black’ is fine, but asking for something like ‘steampunk’ specific would be quite burdensome). I don’t know how it is any different to having a dress code generally! Although, I would stick to a colour theme though purely because for any non-goths, they might not know how to dress and it could be tricky, but if it’s a colour theme, it’ll be easy for everyone to oblige.

    As a former high school goth, I would LOVE to whip out an old corset and some of my heavier gear for an event like this haha.

  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    You can ask, but you can't dictate. I can't imagine that many people would be willing to buy a goth outfit specifically for your wedding, but people may be more inclined to wear black to go with the theme. That said, your wedding is listed as being exactly in a month from now--haven't your invitations already gone out? If you want to ask people to dress in a certain theme (ask, not demand), then you should get the word out sooner rather than later. One month is not a lot a time to plan a themed outfit.

  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't really know what to wear for a goth theme, but I would be happy to wear black if requested.


    I don't think the "it's my day, I dress the way other people want for other days, so they should change for mine." Do people specifically prevent you from wearing your clothing to their events? Or do you choose to?
    I think if you mandate a goth costume you're going to get a lot of no-shows.
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Well, we don't know you, so how would we know that you feel like you are wearing a costume to other people's weddings?

    Here's the bottom line: you can of course ask your guests to wear anything you want. They may or may not comply. If they don't comply, will you bar them from witnessing your ceremony/attending your reception?

    Only you and your future spouse can decide if your chosen aesthetic is more important than your guests' attendance and/or comfort (including their finances and whether or not they were prepared to buy a new outfit just for your wedding).

  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    If it’s more important to you that guests comply with your goth dress code than that they attend, then go for it, which matches your “but I’m the bride!” concern. But if you’ll be bummed if grandma declines because she doesn’t understand what it means for her to comply with a mandatory goth dress code, then I’d be more flexible. Like so many things this is a “know your crowd” issue. If all your guests would welcome the opportunity to dress in goth garb, cool. If there are important guests who would balk, I’d take that into serious consideration. By inviting people, you are hosting guests; that generally assumes taking their needs into account.
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment



    Is it too much to ask??
    Open to all suggestions (except those that say goth is bad ha ha)
    Those were your questions. You asked for opinions on a public forum. People are now giving you their opinions. If you didn’t want to hear people’s opinions, I’m really not sure why you asked for them.
    Furthermore, *I* specifically was the one who said I thought it would be fun to have guests participate in the Gothic theme of your wedding, so I’m confused why you are getting defensive with my comment.
    As far as you “wearing a costume” to other people’s weddings... that was your CHOICE. Couples suggested attire to their wedding (formal, semi formal, casual, black tie, etc.) and you chose to dress in that suggested attire. Now, as a bride, you can also suggest that your guests wear a certain type of attire. I’m sure many would oblige. But some may not. So, to answer your question again... no, it is not in poor taste to suggest a certain type of attire to your guests. But it IS in poor taste to make it mandatory.
  • S
    Devoted November 2021
    Sara Online ·
    • Flag

    Yes, it's too much to ask. You can't suddenly ask your guests to purchase a goth outfit with only one month to go before your wedding. You can encourage a theme, but you can't make it required

  • Ashley
    Savvy November 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    I think that’s so cool! The pictures would be awesome! No I don’t think it would be too much to ask. Most people have some type of dark colors in their closet!


    It’s your wedding!I have told my guests my wedding is a black tie affair. I personally think it’s not classy for people to come in jeans or kakis. 🤷‍♀️
  • M
    Dedicated May 2021
    Maybride ·
    • Flag
    I keep picturing grandma in goth 😂


    As everyone else has suggested you can suggest a black or ‘gothic’ attire but can’t be angry if people don’t follow through- some won’t want to, some won’t understand what goth is, some probably won’t even notice the attire on the invite. As long as you’ve got your outfit and theme that should make the day perfect for you and hubby
  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    There is a big gap between black tie and jeans/khakis. Are you hosting a black tie event?
  • Ashley
    Savvy November 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I am but I know my family. That’s why I had to clarify it
  • sophie
    Dedicated June 2021
    sophie ·
    • Flag
    I agree with most of the PP’s- it’s in very bad taste to try to “make” people wear all goth clothing to your wedding. that being said, I think you could say all-black attire on your invites/wedding website and that would be okay. People are more likely to follow that one anyways, and it’s much more reasonable.
  • Jodie
    Dedicated April 2021
    Jodie ·
    • Flag
    I agree with all of the it’s ok to “ask but not mandate” posters. I think it’s cool to have a theme and want others to participate, but the ones that either don’t want to or don’t have the money to spend on a one time outfit shouldn’t be shamed for such. I liked the prior posters recommendation as to just dressing in black for those that don’t have your themed clothing. As far as “it’s your day”....it is but that doesn’t give you the right to mandate every last thing about everyone else’s day

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