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Beginner December 2020

Got rid of wedding party??

Sha, on September 17, 2020 at 2:45 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24
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Any one else get rid of their wedding party because of lack of support? We had to postpone to next year but had a small ceremony this year with just our parents. So no bridal shower, no bach/ler trip (cancelled), no engagement party Nothing!! Though covid 19 happen there are so many creative things that our wedding party could have did (locally) for us and didn't. We do so much for others and thought our bridal party could have done better for us! So I sent a mass text telling them that we decided no to have one altogether! Sucks but if I have to do all the hard stuff alone then I rather stand at the alter alone with just my husband! 🤷🏽‍♀️

24 Comments

Latest activity by Yasmine, on September 18, 2020 at 3:47 PM
  • Shirley
    Devoted November 2020
    Shirley ·
    • Flag

    I am in a similar situation, and I am keeping my wedding party.

    My mom threw a shower for me, there was no bachelorette party, no engagement party, the girls did not help at all with the shower. At the same time, whenever I needed someone to talk to about things, my girls were 100% there. They have been so kind and supportive of me.

    They just simply cannot host a bachelorette party or a shower or anything else. One is a teacher, one is in college, two live across the country, one is working the night shift now because of the strain covid has put on her job, one had her salary severely cut. They are all doing their best to keep their own lives together, how could I expect them to throw me anything? My wedding, rightly, is not their first priority. Their first priority is keeping their jobs and keeping themselves and their family/roomates healthy.

    You don't pick a bridal party to host events for you, you pick them because you want them to be witness to your wedding and help you start your marriage off joyfully. The only proper expectation for them is that they show up the day of in the right dress.

    If you hadn't already made your decision, I would have urged you not to get rid of the wedding party. You probably hurt some feelings that didn't need to be hurt.

    • Reply
  • L
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the previous comment. Your wedding party's only required tasks are to show up to the wedding on time to stand by your side, and to wear the attire you specify. Wedding party members should not be selected based on what kinds of parties they can throw for you or how available they are to help with the planning.
    • Reply
  • Jana
    Rockstar October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree. They can host a shower or bachelorette party but never required. They are not responsible for any engagement party.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    This is ridiculous to put it nicely. Your friends aren't required to throw you parties ever, but especially not in the middle of a pandemic.

    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted October 2021
    Adrienne ·
    • Flag

    So I can see why you'd be upset, you feel like you're missing out on all the pre-wedding festivities. A lot of couples are in this position with COVID, and most of us will have to do these events after we are legally married, which is poor etiquette but timing just didn't work out. I am fortunate to have bridesmaids who are open to throwing me a bach party later on, but I was the one who had to ask them to not throw me anything during COVID, as I wanted to do something when we weren't all stressed about getting sick, and they understood and said they'd throw me a Miss to Mrs party instead.

    No, the wedding party is not required to throw or host these events in the first place, but did you even tell your party these were events you wanted to do still? Did you set expectations with them that these were things that could still happen despite COVID, or ask them if they even felt comfortable doing these things?

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  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
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    Yes! I did they know! Also they have all attended other events and such! They are well aware! But even before covid came me and the MOH was pulling teeth to even try and get them to included in anything wedding related!
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
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    You are correct. However, the lack of support and communication started way before covid. They have all attended other events and such. I just think that we are better off without a wedding party. When I sent out the mass text they were all fine with it, even saying they didn't loose much but $50 because that how much I got from them for the dresses. The text I sent was really nice and I even said they are still invited as guests. Crazy thing is two out of six said they would do the same thing because they could sense the lack of support and communication!
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
    • Flag
    Also. I live in a nice size house. I'm not saying we have to do a big trip! I mean even a game night, get nails done, Nothing! They didn't even ask! If the shoes were on the other foot I would have atleast tried to plan a surprise get together with the girls. Trust me it has nothing to do with Covid..these girl be everywhere like there is no pandemic going on lol
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    They were exactly okay with it! They paid $50 for dresses and that was all they needed to pay for. I've been so easy going from the get go. But support is free! They didn't even bother to check on me for our supposed wedding day doesn't cost a thing to do that! 🤷🏽‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    Clearly these weren’t really good friends of yours if your upset that they didn’t throw you parties. Probably best that you let them off the hook.
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Not only that. No communication or support through the whole ordeal. I've been there alot for these girl even missing work and such just thought I could atleast get a text here and there checking on things. 🤷🏽‍♀️ So bad even two girls said they would get rid the bridal party because of how unresponsive and involved people are 🤷🏽‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    You should definitely pay them each back the $50 they spent since you kicked them out of your wedding.

    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Done already! Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    This post makes me so sad. I hope your friendships can survive this debacle.

    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes. To be honest they can care less. After telling them they are all still invited they didn't care and didn't even care to really any details of why. I think that speaks enough right there. 🤷🏽‍♀️
    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Ah. Sounds like these weren't actually close friends to begin with. So yeah, you are better off without them. Bridal parties should definitely only made up of the people you are closest to.

    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m sorry but this really speaks mire about you than them. You’re mad at your friends because they haven’t given you enough attention regarding your wedding. There is a whole world of things going on right now so maybe they have other things on their minds.
    • Reply
  • Aubrey
    Beginner April 2021
    Aubrey ·
    • Flag
    I think a lot of the people responding are not putting themselves in your shoes and probably have not been through something similar. I’m speaking from experience and have been through similar with certain members or the bridal party and they are no longer in it. The way I look at it, IF THEY WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU, THEY WOULD. Doesn’t matter if they’re busy, what job they work, or where they live. When my wedding was postponed my girls (the ones left that actually care) all came together and got me something from our registry. Probably only cost them $20 but it meant the world that they thought of me during that difficult time. And I’m sure when you say plan something, you just wanted someone to think of you enough for a girls night to vent about the wedding craziness. You deserve that from them! and IMO big wedding parties cause nothing but stress and costs more money. I think maybe after some time goes by, you could reach out to talk and mend friendships, but I understand your hurt.
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner December 2020
    Sha ·
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    Finally someone gets it!!! My house could have been a meet us place and we could have through up some cute dollar tree ballons and had a game night and just have fun. I'm so happy for you that your girls made you feel special during this time Smiley smile I'm sure years from now you will look back and think about how they went out of their way to ensure this time was still special to you! Thanks for sharing!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Yeah. None of my ladies were around for our entire 5 month engagement, and other friend in different locations threw small showers. They came to a shower my MIL threw near them, and to the wedding. But each wrote and received a steady stream of letters and phone calls back and forth to me individually. Never having met, they got themselves together and bought dresses in one day, sending me final pics. But though I never felt I had great bridal party extras from them, they were the same interesting and interested great friends they had always been. Not brief texts and Facebook surface stuff. But regular in depth letters, long calls. If your friendships have got to the point where no one gives a hoot, that is a different thing from simply not choosing to do parties.
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