Good photographer who delivers RAW and will do NDA

That's a pretty wide brush Jane, and it's pretty insulting too. Would you love it if I said that everyone in YOUR field, whatever that is, is rude and shitty and inflexible? Probably not.

None of my clients have been disrespected or abused; that's probably why I have 325 reviews, all of them between 4.6- 5.00. Refer to the other thread here that is focused on vendors and how much the people who hired them love them for going over the top and out of their way to make their couples happy.

But I guess you've talked to hundreds of vendors in every category. So you know how wretched we are, as a group.

Your belligerence came through early and hard. You are NOT in the industy, you have NOT worked with dozens, if not hundreds of brides, therefore you have ZERO idea what works and what doesn't. You want to tell seasoned pros how to run their businesses and most of us will respectfully decline. Because in addition to knowing our craft, we know how to run our businesses.

Didja ever think it might be YOU?

No of course not.

I'd seize on one of the two people you found that will work with you this way because numerous people here and elsewhere have told you they won't. That's not rudeness and it's not twisted. Most of us learned what to say no to the hard way; by saying yes and then regretting every minute.

I rest my case.

Jane, I'm not in the industry. I think its an awful idea. No one wants to hand over their brand to have you play with it and dilute it.

I would suggest try to hire a film student not in the business. However, I doubt they'd take you on either.

Jane, really I don't see that you did rest your case. If you seem to be having trouble with a lot of people maybe some insight would be good at this point? It might not be everyone else.

BTW, I'm not telling anyone how to run their business. You do you but don't attack someone who wants something different. You offered your "advice" unsolicited when I was simply looking for resources. I get that other brides may learn something from reading this, but not once did I ask you or anyone else to change their business model. I thought I could get some recommendations from others looking for something similar, evening acknowledging in my opening statement that I knew it was controversial. If you don't like the way someone is doing something just move on. I don't get offended and honestly kind of enjoy the verbal sparring but I understand why many of my friends hated wedding planning. I'm not a kid planning their first party I'm a doctor and an executive planning a serious event that also happens to be where I'll get married. Your desire for me to want something different registers a zero on my give a flip scale.

I'm a doctor too. I'm not understanding the relevance.

You did ask on a public message board, you got answers from the group that frequents the board. Do you not get how this works? Stick around, and try and see things through a less snarky lens. If so a little self - evaluation here. Good learning opportunity.

Can I be honest here Jane, not one vendor here has been rude or attacked you.

You however have attacked vendors left and right, saying "potential clients are so disrespected and abused" by them. How do you think Celia and Jay feel when you say things like that? You are disrespecting a profession they work hard in.

I'm glad this event is serious planning for you Doctor Jane. Congratulations on being the first Doctor to get married and plan an event! How would you like it if your patient walked in, insisted on changing the layout of your office to suit their needs, then self diagnosed themselves because they've read a lot of information on what they have? That is essentially what you are doing to these vendors. You asked for advice on a public forum and we gave it to you.

Your not so humble bragging isn't impressive nor does it make your opinions any more valid.

Everyone has told you this isn't working, and yet you just assume you are still right and we are all wrong? K. Sure. That's logical, right Doc?

Read Star from IHU's post again. And again. Repeat until you understand how you're coming across to equally educated and expert vendors. As a fellow Doctor this is a titch embarrassing.

You asked a question on a public forum, you don't get to pick and choose who replies to you. If you have a 10k budget, this might not be the place for this question. I don't know of many users on here who have such a vast budget, so we probably can't help.

Money is obviously no object, so why not hire someone to do the leg work for you? You probably won't find what you're looking for, but good luck.

You all may not have a problem with people you are hiring giving you an attitude but I do, and when I hear things from photographers like "no professional would do that", and "if they do that they are a hack" or calling you a princess isn't rude then I don't know what to tell you. Also from caterers I've heard things like "you can't do that at a wedding, it is too technical", "nobody wants food that fancy at a wedding" and "your wedding will be too boring if we take 3 hours for dinner". It is fine to say no, but you don't have to tell people that what they want can't be done because it can and it will be. My point is that many, though I will say not all, and I apologize for over generalizing, wedding vendors have spoken to me on initial contact like I'm a child because I'm asking for something they don't want to do. While I know they do weddings all the time, we want something different that reflects our tastes and preferences. Refuse to do something you don't like, but don't tell someone nobody will do it and their Idea is crappy just because it is not what you do. When I was in practice I got requests all the time to do things I didn't like and that I thought were stupid. I can't tell you how many times a client asked for some homeopathic or natural BS, and I responded, or my staff did, with a "sorry we don't do that here". I also never responded to a msg board post about the food babe or some other idiot saying how stupid people were to want that. Do I dislike their choices, sure. Do I think it degrades our profession, yep. Do I insult them for wanting a service I didn't offer, nope, at least not in front of them.

Jane, you really need better vendors if that is honestly the way they treated you. None of mine have been like that. They love their jobs and are willing to work with us on things. However, if I asked my photographer for RAW files, he'd look at me like I had ten heads. RAW files are an incomplete work. Even my FH the photography hobbyist wouldn't give you just RAW files. He'd tell you they are garbage until they are edited!

3 hours for dinner???? Fuck that

Again, is it remotely possible that the vendors that you seem to have had such persistent bad luck with are reponding to what you're giving off? That just possibly you're projecting something that puts people's backs up?

I'm sorry you don't like how the vendors (both on this forum and elsewhere) have treated you. Complaining about it won't change anything. When you speak to a professional about their profession, they often give you honest feedback based on experience. While it's ok if you don't agree, you aren't the professional and they are entitled to their opinion. If you don't like it, find someone who will meet your needs.

On this forum users will give you honest feedback/opinions/advice. You might not like it, but that's what you'll get. If you have an idea that many people disagree with or a request that seems very unreasonable, people will tell you. This isn't a place where people are going to tell you your ideas are great if they aren't.

I hope you find the vendors you're looking for. It seems like you have a large enough budget. Like I said before, maybe try hiring someone to contact vendors for you, narrow it down to a few choices who are able to meet your needs, and you can select from those options.

Jane, someone telling you, "no professional would do that" isn't rude. Neither is saying, "no professional would do that". Calling you a princess? MAYBE. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it.

I've been following this thread since last night. Why are you here if you've identified people who would do this for you unless you're a troll?

Move on with those so-called photographers who want to hand over their photos to you with your $10k photography budget.

I do want to apologize for the "humble brag" (I like this term and intend on stealing it). The point I was trying to make was that I'm not a child or someone who doesn't know what they want. I make decisions all day, and in this case I know what I want and I'm just looking for some vendors to execute my vision. I'm sorry it sounded snarky. To be clear, these aren't my vendors but they are several of the vendors I've contacted or who have responded to my requests. It just seems like a lot of them want you to do it their way and if you want something else, you must be wrong or stupid.

I'd like to have heart surgery, but I'd rather not have any tests before hand. Because I want to have control, and I know better than the experts I hire. I don't care if that's how you do it or not, I don't like tests and I don't want one. And for some reason, all my doctors have been really inflexible about this. Go figure.

And congratulations on pissing off everyone who thinks there is value in homeopathic medicine or natural cures.

Fancy food at a wedding is fine; 3 hours for dinner is stretching it, unless you're crowd is into giant jenga on a worldwide scale. Maybe the specific things your asking them to do can't be done; those things do exist, you know. I was a caterer for 25 years; a 'fancy' one. And I would rather, using my experience, tell someone that a thing can't be done that than be the person who yesses them to death and then has a disaster on their hands.

You're just too smart for us. We cant' help you. Or at least I can't.

By the way most of us here aren't "a kid (sic) planning their first party." However, I'm still trusting the professionals. This is what they do every day. I wouldn't expect my coordinator to do my job, why should I assume I can do hers?

Good luck finding a surgeon willing to do that. If I knew of one I'd send them your way. See how easy that was? I'm sorry I don't know what giant jenga is and I don't get the reference. Even here though you have to tell me three hours is pushing it. Do you really not see how you are interjecting a negative opinion about something that really doesn't matter to the bride when you say stuff like that. There is a difference between something that can't be done and something YOU can't/won't do. I have no problem being told no, I don't like being told that my idea won't work when there are other vendors willing and excited to do it. In the dinner case I've settled on a chef that is really excited to do what we want. While it may not be what others want, we were able to find a vendor willing and able to take it on. If for some reason something changes in contract negotiations we have backup plans in other cities. Some caterers just flatly admitted they couldn't make it work, and I have a ton o respect for them, but others said that it was impossible, or a bad idea and were insulting while doing so. That kind of attitude doesn't belong in the service industry. Likewise, several here were condescending or outright rude when all I did was ask for recommendations. You don't have to like someone's plan, but for God's sake, don't tell them it can't be done if it can. I'm not criticizing you for not releasing your RAW files. If that's your business model, that's great. You just have to know that it is not everybody's model and it is possible for a professional to do it differently. You also have to know you might lose some business for the decisions you make about strategy. You can't make everyone want what you're offering.