Gifts, what were your expectations?

I think people have up to a year to give you a wedding gift. I don't think you should let your unhappiness ruin your relationships with your guests.

Their presence is your present. Anything beyond that is extra. Especially for DWs where people have spent at least a thousand $ to get to your wedding. I would feel honored they came all that way for you.

It's not a requirement to get a gift. Is it proper etiquette? Yes. There's no point in being offended in it.

As for the rsvp, some may have been embarrassed they couldn't attend for whatever reason and decided to simply not reply. Is it proper? No. You don't know people's financial status.

Also, your statement "my husband and I specifically didn't invite people so they wouldn't feel obligated to for a gift" Are you saying you didn't invite certain people because you didn't think they'd get you a gift?

It's said they have up to a year to send a gift..

A couple of things

1. Technically a gift is never obligated

2. Old school etiquette says you have until a year after the wedding to send a gift

I agree it's a bit disappointing not to get a card or a text at least. And I for one was always taught you send at least something even if it's something smaller off the registry unless you've already given something at say a bridal shower and then are not attending the actual wedding ( I know this will be controversial here). So you may not have received all your gifts yet.

We didn't invite extended family and people we rarely socialized with to the wedding knowing it would be unlikely for them to attend so they wouldn't feel like we were asking for them to send a gift. I personally believe when I have received an invitation to a wedding in the past it needed some sort of acknowledgment.

We are a professional couple in our 30s who didn't need to receive anything. I had to adjust to people who we considered good friends not even returning the RSVP or sending a card.

Reflux issues made me sick as a dog when my cousin got married last month. Mustering up the desire/energy to even go was hard, but I still went. There was no way in hell I was about to go to the mall to buy them something. I'll be sending them a card this week. As other said, people have a year to send you a gift.

But the fact that you're here complaining, even though you say you're not all about the gifts, says that you're all about the gifts.

I know this wording may give the impression I expected gift and were disappointed. We are in the position to buy anything we need; and paid for the wedding entirely on our own.

My inquiry is really about who acknowledged and reached out regarding the wedding. My question was is it reasonable to expect most people from the guest list to at least send a text or card or any acknowledgment. I didn't need gifts but as I put in a previous post felt particularly blindsided by a good college friend who I saw on a frequent basis and she declined the invite (totally fine) but then didn't send any acknowledgement...not even a text or a comment on social media regarding the wedding. I just wanted to know what other's had experienced regarding their own weddings.

I do appreciate the constructive comments about not letting the lack of acknowledgment ruin a friendship, which I understand.

Sometimes I send a card, sometimes I don't. It honestly depends on if I remember to buy one or not, because once I decline the invitation, the wedding just isn't on my mind anymore. When we got married we got a card from some declines, nothing from others, but I didn't really keep track. At least not well enough to remember 4 years after the fact.

I know what you mean. There were certain friends of parents not invited because we were a DW for them and sending an invitation looked gift grabby. You hat being said, I definitely expect an RSVP (all but 1 friend remembered). Our wedding is next week and we've received a fair number of gifts from people who are coming to the wedding and a few from people who declined. I really think it depends on the relationship you have with those you invited,

1. It's kind of strange not to invite people just so they won't send you a gift? If they want to, they will. If they can't afford to or whatever, they won't. I don't think you should base your invites off this. 2. I get the impression you were expecting gifts of some sort from people who couldn't come. Sure, some people might still send something, but I don't think it's strange if they didn't. 3. Yes, it's rude to not RSVP, but guests otherwise aren't obligated to "acknowledge" the wedding, whatever you mean by that.

The only thing that's required following a wedding invitation is an rsvp. If you search old threads you will see that there are an awful lot of people who managed to be away every day that manners were taught, whether at home or elsewhere.

I would normally send at least a card, sometimes a gift, when I decline an invitation. But, there have been times when i can't figure out why the heck we were invited at all, when I have not sent so much as a card.

A gift is a bonus. You don't expect them.

I should have spent more time reading forums like these before the wedding.

For my husband and I, this was more about acknowledging the fact we got married with a call, text, email, card than getting something material.

I'm having a difficult time following this. Are you upset that people you sent invites to (that declined) haven't acknowledged that you got married? Or that they didn't send gifts? Or both.

@M When you send a gift without attending that is proper etiquette, but invites should never be sent anticipating anything. Officially, weddings or their invitations don't require gifts, but in most social circles they will be sent.

I notice that a lot of younger folks (my age 30 and younger) assume once you decline you're done, while folks my mother's age assume you should send a gift either way (while it may be larger or smaller if you don't attend). But even with that, old school etiquette says you have a year to send a gift and if folks couldn't come, then they may be waiting to send you something.

I think the problem is the lack of recognition. I struggle with this too sometimes, because I'm always the one to celebrate others and at times it can seem like you're forgotten when it's your turn. But as my mother told me when I was upset about this in a non-wedding situation one time, just because you follow proper etiquette doesn't mean others will.

It isn't about a gift; just an acknowledgement in general. I stared this themread with a gift question because I thought it would be easier for people to remember who acknowledged their wedding.

W

I have declined attending weddings in the past because I could not afford to give a gift. I would rather not attend than give no gift or even a small gift (we're talking friends/acquaintances, and further removed family members). I may be in the minority on this one. But if I'm RSVPing no, I am not sending you a gift, sorry.

I think it's proper etiquette to send a gift or card if you are invited to a wedding but I don't expect anything. I feel like expecting something is kind of entitled. It's frustrating that some people didn't respond at all to let me know they aren't going, but I'm not mad about it. I know my wedding is not thr center of their attention.

It is very rude not to respond to the RSVP, but I don't know why you didn't follow up with guests who didn't RSVP, that was your responsibility as a host. We had a few people who didn't RSVP who we had to follow up with; actually, most of them ended up attending and just had forgotten to RSVP!

Personally, I would send a card and gift if I was unable to attend a wedding but that is not common, I don't think. We didn't get any gifts from people who didn't attend our wedding. There were several guests who attended and didn't even get us a card; a few of DH's friends (all single guys) and his adult cousins.