Gifts from uninvited guest?

Have you sent your invites yet?

She may have added him to the card to be passive aggressive about it lol. If you have a rule I'd stick to it though.

Yeah, 6 months is an arbitrary rule. If someone had a bf/gf at the time you sent invitations, they should have been invited also.

I thank you note would be good and include in the thank you that once all this wedding stuff is over you and FH would love to take them out to dinner so you can meet the BF.

I agree, if someone had a significant other at the time invites were mailed, they probably should have been invited. If invites are already out, that doesn't matter because it's said and done. Your friend already knows her boyfriend isn't invited and included him on the gift anyway.

I don't think that because it was a more expensive gift you need to do a more expensive thank you (like take them out to dinner). Can you imagine how out of control that would get if you did that for all your guests? A thank you card would suffice. We've received gifts from people who 100% know they are not invited just because they're happy for us. It's not unheard of.

I honestly don't know if voicing the rule to your guests is a good idea. It's almost voicing that those couples are not important or in your eyes not worthy; which may cause defensive actions from your guests. Just invite who you want and if anyone from a 'new' couple says anything you can just blame it on budget or venue capacity. You can't control what people get you from your registry, and if they choose to get you something within a specific price point that's their business. If they throw that in your face then that's pretty silly.

Well, since your wedding is in a couple of weeks, your invitations have been out for quite some time so she knows he's not invited. Send a lovely thank you and if he shows up, thank him personally. not much else you can do at this time.

Does she know for sure that her bf isn't invited?

But a simple thank you card is enough. A phone call as well is fine. You don't have to take them out to dinner, it was a wedding GIFT. We had a few gifts from people that weren't invited. They gave us a gift because they genuinely wanted to give us something and weren't expecting an invite. We sent them a thank you card in return.

Meet them for dinner or drinks.... if you like the guy and you think he'd be a good addition to your wedding guest list, give him an invite!

At this point he will know both of you, and its clear that as a couple they love and support your marriage.. I mean, anyone that bought me a Dyson would be my new BFF hahaha

You don't have to invite him because they sent you an expensive gift.

Its your wedding. YOU want it to be intimate. Besides, if you want to meet him, you want to do it on a day where you aren't going to be pulled in a million different directions, so you can actually get to know him.

I'm sure she will understand, especially if he was not on the invitation.

If I were your friend, I would be annoyed that my bf wasn't invited. The gift may have been passive aggressive. Do you think not inviting her bf will damage your friendship? If so I'd just invite him.

Thank you guys so much. & thanks for encouraging me to stick with my rules... and yes the passive aggressive thing did cross my mind. she told lots of people that i didn't tell her my official date (aka save the date), then she took FOREVER to send me her new address, and she still hasn't formally rsvp-ed... i did try my hardest to be considerate when i told her she wasn't allowed to bring a guest.. really tried to emphasize the "immediate family and VIP-friends only", and didn't even mention the 6 month rule AT ALL (except to you guys here on WW). i'm trying to stay positive though and not think that this was passive aggression.

**also i sent my invites in july, she just made their relationship 'official' sometime in the spring and we've never met him.

Send a very nice thank you note, and after the wedding go out of the way to meet her new bf. At this point you have to follow your rule through.

I'd be pretty pissed if I received an invite after dating someone for a few months and then find out I'm not allowed to bring him. As long as I wasn't in your BP, I would have declined and sent you something you didn't even register for to be an asshole. We gave everyone a plus one so our guests would feel comfortable with the people around them. Especially if they barely know other guests.

With what a Dyson costs, I'm sure she's expecting to be able to bring him. Don't be surprised if she RSVPs for 2 and guilts you into letting him attend.

That is a shitty non-sense rule - You are being a total dick to your guests by judging the seriousness of their relationship by an arbitrary length of time that qualifies as a significant relationship, but you have made your choice. Be prepared for her to be upset and potentially not go, along with other guests who feel equally slighted.

@Emmy - I think what she is saying is she doesn't want to look out into a room full of strangers... She said if both she & her groom have met the "date" then they were invited. I 100% agree, for the following reasons:

1. $100+ per plate is a lot to spend on someone you haven't met.

2. Having someone I've never meet watch me during the most intimate moment of my life would just make me uncomfortable.

3. They aren't a "known" person - What if they are a heavy drinker or racist or just general crazy person whom ruins your wedding?? Once a couple has been together for nearly a year you at least have a better idea of how they handle themselves at an event.

4. Do you want them in your photos for all of time?

4. They take up space and prime seating that could go to other beloved guests (if you're on a budget or have venue restrictions)

I lived with my boyfriend for 2 years before we got engaged and I never "expected" to be his plus one.... happily, I always was (because we made an effort to get to know each others friends very well(... but I wouldn't have been upset if my name wasn't included...

If we went by the rule that nobody is invited who we haven't both met, my own grandmother wouldn't be invited to our wedding. Neither would his closest cousins. The significance of someone's relationship doesn't revolve around the bride and groom.

I would definitely invite the boyfriend. I get that you don't want weird strangers showing up to your wedding but it's not fair to not invite their s/o.

Personal experience:

FH got invited to a wedding and on the invitation it said his name and then "ONLY" next to it. There was no plus one and the wedding was in CA (we live in OH). The bride sent out a message saying that couples who were unmarried were essentially not worthy to bring their s/o and they were trying to cut costs. FH & I LIVE TOGETHER. We had been together for over 2 years at this point. I was so upset and offended... You expect him to fly from Ohio to CA for your wedding without his other half? Seriously? FH RSVPd but ultimately ended up not showing up because of her crass e-mail and the fact he would have to travel across the country by himself. She then blasted him on Facebook - super mature - about how horrible of a person he is for not showing up and he is a lawyer of all things... etcetc. Long story short, I exchanged some choice words with her because of it and FH and the groom are no longer friends. They have not spoken since this debacle. Would it have been so hard for her to just extend the invite to me and not have ruined their friendship? End rant.

ETA - Some people choose to be together forever and never get married. I certainly do not think that discredits their relationship. I was easily ready to marry FH after 6 months so I probably would have still been upset if I hadn't been invited.

Your rule sucks.

@Christine - Yea, if someone bought me a Dyson, they could do whatever they wanted in my book! I have Dysons all over my registry because I just need to get 15% off after the fact. I would die of excitement if a friend bought me one because I am pretty sure my friends are not anywhere near as generous as OP's.