Gifting questions for guests

I'm not sure what the etiquette of it is, but I can give my personal opinion and what I would do!

1. I send a gift even if I can't attend!

2. I don't downsize on the gift I give if I can't attend the wedding. BUT if I attended a shower or wedding event where I gave them a gift, then the wedding present amount would be a little less than normal since I've already invested some gift wise.

3. This seems like it will be personal preference. If I didn't approve or support the union, and that's my reason for not going, then I probably wouldn't send a gift either, but that's just me!

1. Yes

2. That's up to you. Some do and others get same value as if they were attending. Not everyone attends or is invited to the shower so the wedding gift is typically the larger of the two or the main gift.

3. No. If you don't support the union, you do not acknowledge it. Sending a card/gift says that you do support it.

Etiquette books are still being published and sold at Amazon and smaller bookstores. They answer pretty much any question you have.

1. It depends on why I’m not going
2. Yeah, probably. My thing is if I don’t go to the wedding, I usually opt to send a registry item instead of a card with cash, which is what I would bring to the wedding if I went
3. No, I can’t imagine why I would do that . I also won’t send a gift if part of the reason I’m not going is I don’t feel close enough to the couple to attend or something like that.

1. If you want to give them a gift, give them a gift.
2. Give within your means, whatever that is.
3. Only you know the situation, that’s very dependent on you.

1. Do you send a gift if you cant attend?

i do! but not everyone does this
2. If you can't attend and do send a gift, should it be smaller than if you did attend?

i do that too haha!
3. Do you send a gift if you aren't attending because you don't approve of/support the union?

i agree with what PPs said, this seems a preference. if it was me, if i didn't approve the union then sending a gift seems like the contrast of it.

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This is how I would answer.

I give a gift to a new couple if I have a close relationship with one or both people, and I want to give them a gift, whether or not I am invited to their wedding and whether or not I attend (if I attend, I definitely send a gift!). I don't feel that any random wedding invite I receive from people I barely know needs to be answered with a gift.

I honestly don't understand the third question. If I didn't approve of someone's marriage so strongly that I refused to attend the wedding, then I would definitely NOT send a gift. But this has never happened to me and I can't really think of a how this would happen.

I think this all depends on the situation. In some situations, we have not sent gifts for weddings we can't attend because we weren't close to the person who was having the wedding. If we are close and just can't attend because of other events, I'd send one.

If I send a gift, it's what I can afford to send at the time. So I wouldn't say we downsize because we aren't there, but it depends on how much we can shell out for a gift.

I would not send a gift if I didn't approve of the marriage.

1. I usually would, as long as I'm financially able to do so. I sent a gift for a friend's wedding I wasn't even invited to last year, but they threw the whole thing together in a month and had a small venue that really only had enough space for immediate family and wedding party. (They got engaged at the end of January and the bride SUPER wanted to get married on Leap Day, hence the short engagement.) The groom is a close friend of mine and I know I would have been invited if the space were available.

2. The only reason I would downscale my gift is if I'm not financially able to give what I would have otherwise given. I usually choose something from the registry instead of giving cash whether I'm going or not. I generally only give cash if all of the remaining registry items are out of my budget. However, if I won't be there in person, I'll always opt to send a registry gift of the same price I would usually spend.

3. Personally, absolutely not. Sending a gift indicates that you do support the marriage, so I definitely wouldn't send a gift for a marriage I don't support.

Before we postponed our wedding last year and rescheduled for this year, we had received quite a few gifts from guests who had declined our invites. One of them was one of my bosses, and he and his wife got us a very nice wok and included a note that read "Congrats! Sorry we have to miss it. In the past, I've also sent gifts when I couldn't attend the wedding. I usually wrote a check, which was also one of the gifts we received from a non-attendee. I think it's a general rule that if you're invited, and you can't attend, you ARE expected to buy a gift. It at least shows that you do care about the couple to some extent, regardless of your reasons for not attending. It's the respectful thing to do.