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Lauren
Dedicated June 2019

Gift from Someone Not Invited to Wedding

Lauren, on May 17, 2019 at 6:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 29
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So...the title pretty much sums it up. We received a wedding gift from someone who isn’t invited to our wedding in June and I have no idea what to do about it.

For background: this girl and her husband are decently good friends with my FH’s best friend and his wife. I have hung out with this girl in a group of their friends about two to three times over the past couple years. We don’t talk outside of these situations and our only interaction is liking each others’ posts on social media. I personally consider us “friendly” but not friends, more like good aquantences. I will say they were originally on the guest list but when we decided we wanted less people (& less money to spend), I chose family members over this group of people.

Our wedding is 30 days away. FH wants to send them an invite now, which is super shady in my opinion and makes it obvious that we felt “guilty” in some way. My mom and friends have advised me to just send a thank you card and leave it at that. I will admit that I do now feel bad, but am not sad any of them won’t be at our wedding (not entirely sure if this makes me a bad person, but it is what it is I guess). FH says he doesn’t care and it’s up to me to decide.

What do y’all think? What is the best way to go about this?

29 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Ariza, on May 19, 2019 at 10:54 AM
  • Victoria
    Super May 2019
    Victoria ·
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    Just send a thank you card. If I sent a gift and then received a late invitation I would just feel like an after thought, and would feel worse than just not being invited.
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  • Erika
    Expert April 2019
    Erika ·
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    We actually had this happen to us with a few people! Two of my husband's coworkers and an out-of-country Uncle on my husband's side all gave gifts of some sort. We decided to just write them a really sweet thank you card. They were happy for us and I don't think they felt obligated. It was also close to the wedding for us, so I'm sure they knew they weren't invited. I felt bad as well but moved on. We made a tight guest list for a reason.
    Take the time to write a thank you card and get ready for your big day! 🥰
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  • Soon2BSmith
    Expert October 2020
    Soon2BSmith ·
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    Send a thank you card and let that be it. LOL

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  • Abby
    VIP March 2019
    Abby ·
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    Just send the thank you card and let it go. We also had someone send us a gift that wasn't invited, and while I kind of felt bad about it, I couldn't just add her to the list.
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  • Lauren
    Dedicated June 2019
    Lauren ·
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    That is what I said to FH and he didn't believe me!!

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  • Lauren
    Dedicated June 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Thank you! It is super nice to hear how other people have handled this!!

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  • Lauren
    Dedicated June 2019
    Lauren ·
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    I think this is definitely what I'm going to do since I feel the same way! Thank you!

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  • Erika
    Expert April 2019
    Erika ·
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    You're welcome! Hope it was helpful 😊
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  • Melissa
    Beginner October 2019
    Melissa ·
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    I wouldn’t invite them now. If it were me I would definitely think it was only because I sent you a gift. Maybe send a thank you card with something like “we wanted something smaller and more intimate with just family and family friends” ?
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  • L
    Dedicated March 2020
    Laura ·
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    A gift is just that. A gift. If they wanted to be invited and tried to get invited by sending you a gift that is really weird and if it was me, would not convince me to send an invite. Don’t invite them. Just send a thank you card and leave it at
    that! A gift was sent to you to celebrate your wedding. Don’t overthink it!
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted December 2019
    Samantha ·
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    Just send the thank you card! They may not have been looking for an invite, probably just wanted to congratulate you in that way. Def not obligated to invite them
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  • thisismrsb
    Expert June 2019
    thisismrsb ·
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    When I got engaged I received a gift from someone who I wasn't sure was invited. My mom said that she wasn't, so I just sent a thank you for the gift and a sentence on how I looked forward to using it. That was all.
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  • thisismrsb
    Expert June 2019
    thisismrsb ·
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    I wouldn't say that in a "thank you" card. Lol.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    The tradition is to send people you feel close to a present on the occasion of their marriage. Not, to only send gifts to those whose weddings you are invited to, or those you attend. We got about 20 from friends and family of mine, not invited, and hubby got 5. And 3 friends I did invite who declined, sent gifts. And a record 30+ of hubby's family, or old army friends, decline, but sent gifts. . . . Lots of people only send gifts if they attend, and not always then. But for those simply happy for you, invited or not, who sent a gift for that reason, send a very nice thank you note, ASAP.
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  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    Just a thank you.
    At this point I think they probably know that they aren't invited. But they still want to be happy for you and send a gift.
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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
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    Send a thank you card and be done with it lol
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  • Tris
    Expert August 2019
    Tris ·
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    I've given a gift to a couple when I wasn't invited to the wedding! I didn't expect an invite, I just wanted to be cordial since I had worked with the bride and groom when they met and went on to work with the bride at another job. We are not friends but since I knew she was getting married and we'd known each other for almost 10 years- I sent a gift. We even conversed lighty about her upcoming wedding and I never expected an invite.

    She sent a thank you card. 😊
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  • Rachael
    Expert October 2019
    Rachael ·
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    I can't say whether I'd invite them or not, but if you do, the best way to go about it without it looking bad is to call them to "ask about their rsvp, since you noticed they haven't yet". It looks like their invite got lost in the mail that way, rather than last minute guilt inviting


    it might sound shady to some, but I feel its a harmless way to ensure no one's feelings are hurt

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  • Shay
    Expert April 2024
    Shay ·
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    A gift is just that!
    Don't feel bad.
    It is what it is!
    A gift.
    I’ll send a thank you card and that’s it.

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  • Just Said Yes June 2020
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    I would honestly just send a thank you card, no need to feel bad. We are having to cut back on our guest list as we speak and the first to get cut are those who we arent particularly super close with. It was a nice gesture of them so sending a thank you card would be perfect 😊
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