Gift for officiant

So the question was what should she get as a gift not if she should hire him or not - SMH. I say MONEY!!! Cant go wrong there!

Oh this is a fun thread! OP wasn't saying she might want her friend to officiate, she said her friend will be marrying them (as in, the decision is already made) and wants advice on a gift....

Anyhow, I think money is nice but puts more pressure on you to decide how much to give. I think you'll do best to shop like it's their birthday as some others have said. Some nice earrings could work, some wine a gift certificate...

This whole thread is really kind of sad and laughable at the same time.

Just over the weekend I was talking someone of the ledge because they don't know if their wedding officiant is legal. Over the last two weeks, I got at least six calls from couples who had a family member bail on them. Because it looks so easy, hey, anyone can do it, right? Well no, when the rubber hits the road, it's terrifying for many. And it IS work, whether you'd like to think so or not. Very often when they realize just how much? They're gone.

Don't pick a family member OR, in the "can't do it" category are pastors who don't really do this very often; because they can suck just as bad as a nervous, inarticulate family member. Please don't put pro officiants in this category. I did more weddings last month than most pastors do in a year. This is what pro officiants do; that's why we're good at it, and that's why we charge what we do. We make a living doing this; it's not a sideline.

So, let's unpack this together.

"It'll be more personal because they know you."

No it won't because they'll probably just go to the internet, cop a bunch of stuff from some website and be happy to get through it without throwing up. OR they will attempt to make it personal by telling rambling stories about you that might or might not be appropriate.

They're legal in my state.

Eh, maybe. But if there is a glitch in the license, do they know how to spot it before hand or fix it afterwards? Probably not. I've seen close to 2000 licenses in my career and even I get faked out occasionally, but I know how to check questionable shit before it hits the clerk so the process is streamlined. If your license gets to the state registrar with a mistake? (Like one of your parents' names is spelled incorrectly or your SS# is wrong? ) You could be looking at six months to get your 'real' license back. So you can't change your name, combine your health insurance or, well, anything.

"They're great public speakers; the do corporate training"

It's not just public speaking; it's orchestrating an arc of emotion and sentiment that is inspiring and meaningful to the couple, with empathy for their parents and relatives. It's not just a recitation; this is very, very specific work delivered to an emotionally charged audience, not a legal brief (no offense to lawyers; I could never do that.....)

With all due respect, while personal stories are a gorgeous addition to the ceremony IN THEIR PLACE, 'stories about when you were a baby" do not belong in a ceremony. Even if it's a civil ceremony, it's still a sacred experience and it should be constructed that way, with specific things said to elicit specific emotions from the guests.

Of course we want them to be happy for you, but ideally, they are inspired by your story, renewed by talk of love and soulmates (not in a creepy, sappy way) and they should leave thinking they know you better. And themselves better.

Your friend cannot do that if they are thinking they can cop shit off line and get through it.

Hire a pro. Not just because I am one, but because it's a better idea. And don't forget, if you hire a great officiant, they can lead you to other great pros, they can work with your venue, they can put your processional together; they're like a mini wedding coordinator.

Your cousin doesn't have a clue.

This isn't a question of "do your wedding your way, girl". It's a matter of hiring someone fantastic who will create a once in a lifetime piece of history for you and your family. I know that sounds dramatic, but part of what we do is create drama; drama that touches your group in ways your best friend cannot construct.

The best gift you can give them is the opportunity to do a reading, be a guest and listen to a terrific ceremony.

Wow that's a little harsh. We are using a "guest" to officiate our wedding because we want it personal and they insisted (they are dear family friends and really wanted to be part of the big day). I think you should understand that not everyone's wedding is going to be an exact copy of your own. If you don't have helpful advice for someone else's wedding who already made a decision don't offer your judgment.

I disagree. It is very special to have someone who actually knows the two of you well to do the ceremony. My fiance & I asked one of my dad's best friends to officiate our wedding, and he was so honored.

My cousin is ordained and has done more than 10 weddings. We plan to write a nice thank you with some cash.

I probs wouldn't hire someone that can even say they can spot questionable S#!t to do my wedding.. wouldn't want any curse word slip ups.. lol

I know this post is so old but I just have to ask why you're so concerned what Victoria's plans are for her wedding? Please be a kind person and keep the negativity to yourself. We ladies know planning a wedding is stressful, she was reaching out for advice and what she received was you attacking her and judging her decision on having her brother marry her.

Do you have nothing else to do with your time? Get a life.