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December 2019

Ghosted by the bride - help!

Maggie, on September 16, 2019 at 11:44 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3

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What would you do? You’re a bridesmaid and been friends with the bride for 30+ years. She asked you to be a bridesmaid for a destination wedding (read expensive). You’ve known her for so long (hang out 3-10 times a year), you gladly accept. Except now she ghosts you. And now that you think about it, this behavior started when she started dating her soon to be husband..the wedding is in a few months, so I’m not sure I can back out. I met up with her 1:1 last month (first time this year!) to see what’s going on and she apologized, she’s been busy with work and family. She’s so sorry. Etc etc. but now she’s back to ghosting.

I’m sorry phones and social media have read receipts, No replies. Social media has her hanging out with other bridesmaids and people. I’m hurt she’s ghosting.

I’ve already spent $3400 on this wedding between a MANDATORY $$$ flight and hotel. It’s expensive. I’m not in the same financial place she is. And I suspect she’s paying for the other bridesmaids.. I’m turning bitter. I’m spending so much and she can’t pick up the phone to reply or hang out?

I don’t want to be bitter or waste time thinking about it but I am. I’m not sure I even want to be a bridesmaid. The logistics are non-refundable/transferable. I’m debating skipping the bridal shower and bachelorettes to save money. What would you do? Help!

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Olivia, on September 23, 2019 at 12:16 PM

Master January 2015
null · on September 16, 2019 at 11:55 AM
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If she's hanging out with the other bridesmaids without you, I would confront her about it. That doesn't sound like ghosting, that sounds like she's excluding you on purpose. Have a conversation with her about spending time with the other bridesmaids and not you and see where it goes from there.
As for the cost of being in the wedding, I don't think you're being fair to her on that. You agreed to be a bridesmaid knowing the costs and you could've told her no. You can't hold a grudge because you took her up on her offer to be a part of her destination wedding, she didn't force you to do that.
If I were you, I would be focused on mending the friendship. You've already paid to be in the wedding, so it's not like it'll save you money to back out now. Send her a message telling her how you feel she's leaving you out.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on September 16, 2019 at 12:31 PM
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If you really want to drop out, I'd try to contact the bride and give her a reason why. Maybe then she'll realize how much she's hurt you and try to mend things!
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2030
Clíodhna · on September 23, 2019 at 11:41 AM
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Hey Maggie.
I’m sorry to hear you’re hurt.
Backing out as a bridesmaid at this point may be a potentially friendship ending move.
I too would recommend you focus on seeing if you two can mend the relationship. As difficult as it may be, I think it would be best if you address this with your friend.
Arrange a meeting with the two of you. Tell her all about how you miss her and your friendship. Working together you can try to get things back on track and your friendship back to where it used to be.
I hope you can both resolve this
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