Getting out of the father/daughter aisle walk

My father isn't in my life and we don't even talk. My grandfather is walking me down the aisle. He was basically my father growing up and still is. I considering walking by myself but I'm too awkward for that. Do you have any brothers? You can also ask your mom

I also didn't want my father to walk my down the asile, and he was a little upset but didn't force the issue. We also do not have a close relationship, and haven't since I was about 9.

I just told him I was to walk down myself, I don't like the idea of being given away, that I've always been independent. Told my mom the same thing.

I don't really know of any creative solutions. Maybe you and your partner walk down together? I've seen some couples do that. Good luck

Mother walking you would be awesome if thats what you want. Or as Susan suggested!

I am the same way. My dad and I have just started to reconnect after years of having nothing to do with each other. I don't really want my mom walking me. My grandfather was an option but he's been pretty ill and weak lately. So I'm going to walk myself down the aisle. It upset my dad for a while, but just said my FH and I wanted to be he and I only, and I have always just wanted to walk myself. I'll probably have FH meet me halfway so I'm not so anxious/awkward haha

Have both of them walk you

I was planning on walking myself then my mom asked and I said of course...do what you want.

I am in the same boat. I am not close with my dad but I hate hurting feelings. I know if I tell him I want to walk alone it will hurt his feelings as I am his only daughter but I honestly want to walk alone. I don't feel he has the "right" to give me away. I hope you find the right thing for you!

I'm a rabid anti-feminist but I'm walking solo down the aisle because 1) I hate my father and 2) it's just my style. I'm not into the whole escort thing. I think it looks weird. We haven't decided whether FH is walking first down the aisle or whether he's walking just before me. I'm favoring him walking first, then the bridal party one-by-one, then me.

As for how to tell my dad, yeah, I have no idea. That'll be a fight for another day. Unfortunately his brother's daughter is getting married like a month ahead of me and she'll likely do the usual father-walks-you-down-the-aisle and he'll be jealous. And then I have two sisters who are set on courthouse weddings, so he'll never get the experience. Guess he shouldn't have been abusive if he wants nice things.

My relationship with my dad has deteriorated in the last year or so. I'm walking myself down the aisle and it's bc of our relationship but also bc I'll be 35 years old, paying for my own wedding, I own my own home and pay all my own bills. I'm completely independent and have been for a long time. My sister got married a few years ago but she was much younger than I will be. She had my mom walk her down the aisle.

Go with whatever feels right to you. You don't want to feel uncomfortable at your own wedding, especially not while walking down the aisle!

One of my friends who has divorced parents had them both walk her down. Her parents don't really get along, but were cordial for the day. I've also had a friend walk in with her FH (she doesn't have a relationship with her dad and they weren't traditional people). I've seen brides walk in alone as well. Whatever makes you comfortable. It's fine to have your mom walk you down alone as well if that's what you prefer.

In your situation I would walk by myself.

@IWasCrazyOnce... rabid anti-feminist... what does that even mean? You passionately think women are inferior to men?

ETA: Definition of feminist: A person who supports equality between the sexes.

Weird that you would be so against that?

@mrsfallbride yeah sorry about the double negatives have edited. I am doing this on a phone app at work & further take neuropathy pills that frequently make me mix words in sentences, so while I know that comment wasn't meant to be offensive definitely took me back a step.

Also to those asking: no brothers, and no living grandfather. Though, now that I think of it, I may ask my grandmother. I'm wearing her grandmother's ring as my engagement ring & it might be sweet. I do want to be walked down the aisle by someone other than my FH, & while I know I'm 31 & it's my wedding/my choice, I also have a close knit family where this could easily be an issue we fight about every holiday for the next decade. So, I am I guess asking for any advice to avoid that giant land mine - some of you have already been really helpful! Thank you.

My father isn't even invited to my wedding at this point. Things have been rocky and before I knew we would be at this point, I considered having my older brother walk me down the aisle. Now that my Dad has just followed through being the POS that he is, and the fact that my bro was asked to be a GM by FH, I decided to have my Stepdad walk me down the aisle. I would have been happy with either my stepdad or my bro....or even my mother as they have all been wonderful, loving, and supportive people my whole life. Point is, if you want somebody to walk you down, choose somebody who you feel supported/supports you and F your Dad IMO. If you want to walk yourself, do your thing. But in no circumstances should you feel pressured to have somebody walk you down that you feel has not been supportive.

Is there someone else you would like to walk with you? If you would like your mom or someone else to, that would be a good solution. Otherwise you could walk alone and you do not need to provide any reason for your choice. You and FS could walk together or he could meet you half way up the aisle, or you could both come in from the sides at the same time, or any number of options.

What is a rabid anti-feminist?

I am the mother of a future bride and have ( probably ) a different perspective than most of you on this forum. My daughter is soon to be married and has not asked her step-father of 18 years to walk her down the aisle. He and I are deeply hurt. There has been no explanation provided, and we have decided to respect her privacy on this matter as she has not raised the issue herself. We are choosing to focus on the celebration as a whole rather than on this one issue. However, my husband is the only father she has known and has always worked very hard to create a loving, caring relationship and has supported everything she has chosen to do in life. I would like to encourage each of you to remember that if you are inviting your family and loved ones to your wedding, you might consider that it is a meaningful event to everyone, and that others have also dreamt of this day, and of their own, supportive roles in it. Your wedding is likely a precious time for everyone, so please remember that kindness and caring are always appreciated.

Same boat! Mom and dad are still married although I have no idea why because they hate each other. But that's a different conversation for a different day.

I asked my mom to walk me. I don't have a relationship with my dad for many reasons. I don't hate him or anything, but he hasn't been a father for a long time.
I was also hoping to just opt out of the father/daughter dance altogether. However, FW's dad wants to dance with me as well as her. So our compromise was that we would do the father/daughter dance together and then switch dads for like 30 secs towards the end. I'm still not excited to dance with my dad, but I'm also not trying to start an uproar. Which is unfortunately what I think will happen if I don't dance with him at all.

I'm really sorry your daughter's decision hurt you and and your husband. Did she not ask your husband because she's having someone else walk her instead, or because she wants to walk alone? I'm sure she wasn't intentionally trying to hurt you.

A lot of brides are choosing to buck tradition and walk alone. That's what I'm doing. Honestly, at least in my case, it's not personal. I'm not trying to slight anyone, walking alone is just really important to me because it symbolizes my independence and the fact that I alone am entering into marriage with the partner I chose. I certainly still love our families and will honor them on our day! While I doubt anyone in our families will be upset over it, I would hope they understand my decision and don't accuse me of being "unkind" or "uncaring" if my wedding doesn't live up to the expectations they had.

Yeah, I think this is why a lot of modern brides are having issues with this. The "giving away" part IS very archaically symbolic. I mean, it's basically a physical passing of the woman from the "first man" (father) in her life to the "second man" (husband). Lots of women find this distasteful. I am one of them. But I also don't want to hurt my family's feelings (I have a very good relationship with my father).

The trouble is that this archaic practice has also become very wrapped up with sentiment. Just because the bride doesn't like this practice doesn't necessarily mean the bride has negative feelings on her father/family. She just doesn't like this practice. Just like how some women opting not to take the surname of their new husband doesn't mean that they have negative feelings on their new husband. They just don't want to change their names. Sometimes a spade is just a spade.

I can understand feeling hurt if you ascribe sentimental meaning to this act, but many women really do feel that the "giving away" practice is demeaning. Surely you wouldn't want your daughter to demean herself so you feel better? There must be other ways for you to be involved that would make all parties happy. Will there be a first dance? Perhaps there could be a daddy/daughter dance. Or if there are toasts, surely you or your husband will be invited to say a few words?

I do commend you for reacting with dignity in the face of hurt and not blowing it out of proportion. But if your daughter has a good relationship with you/your husband, this very, very, very likely was not meant as a slight to you.