Getting married without our kids at the wedding..

While I never experienced this personally, I can tell you that it will likely hurt at least one of them. My older child (almost 5), I share with exH. Recently he got engaged to his girlfriend of 4 years. They have 3 younger children together. My daughter was the only one not present when he proposed and has expressed being really angry about it. That was only the proposal. I can’t begin to imagine how she would feel if she were left out of the wedding.

We have a daughter who’s 18 months old and she will be at my wedding on August 04 .18 and she will be 2 at that time I couldn’t and wouldn’t have my wedding without my child I made her she’s a part of us that day is very important to me and I would want our child to be there regardless of how fussy she may get , your marrying your fiancé and your also becoming his kids stepmom as well so they should be a part of it at least for the ceremony and I don’t see how they are going to be terribly behaved their all at a age that they can understand to be silent for a moment and if it’s on a beach they’ll probably be relaxed touching the sand so it would work out

I don't think it's overly selfish to want to have something for just you and your FH, we as parents give all our love and time and energy to our children every day. Every now and then it normal and ok to want something for ourselves, that being said our daughter is flower girl and our son will be ring bearer. I couldn't imagine not sharing our day with them. I do however plan on asking my parents if they will tend to the children during the day for the most part so I'm not having to be so stressed about it. Maybe someone would be willing to do the same for you.

I think having the kids would be a good choice. Because your wedding is not a union with you and your FH but also your families.

Yeah that was not even a possibility for FH and I. Even when we talked about eloping we knew my son would be there.

As a mother myself, I would never do this. My children are everything to me and will absolutely be playing a role in the wedding as a junior BM and junior GM. My FH would NEVER allow me to not have my children there nor has that ever been a thought on either end. While this is a very personal choice, be prepared to deal with the emotions that will happen as a result if you opt to not have them present.

I think when they are your kids, they should be there. Its the joining of two families and they are apart of that. (Other peoples kids, don't necessarily have to come) but I would certainly higher a babysitter to even just watch them through the ceremony and what ever you have planned after. It is what ever you want to do though

These are your children- and you are joining all of you together for one family. Personally - I cannot fathom why you would want to go through with a commitment like marriage without your children present - especially at the ages they are. These are not adults who will not be in your household all the time. These are young kids who will be with you if not every day - a good majority of the time. These kids might feel like you dont want them in your life at all - like you are pushing them out to start a new life jsut the two of you. Which I don;t think you would want.

I personally think its really selfish to do this without them and to exclude them from your first steps together AS A UNITED FAMILY.

My dad and stepmom got married without my sister and I when we were 10 and 12. For personal experience, I wouldn't do this. It hurt hurt our feelings and caused some resentment.

It's up to you. I can say that I was 12 when my dad married my step mom, a second marriage for both of them. I have older siblings and step siblings, but they were all in their mid to late 20's at the time and I was the only child living at home. My dad and my step mom had talked to me about wanting to get married. They said that they were thinking of getting married in a courthouse and having a bigger reception later and if I wanted to go to one or the other or both. I said that I would rather go to the bigger reception where my siblings would be there too. One Valentine's Day, my dad and step mom went to the courthouse and got married. I was hanging out with a friend after school. They told me at dinner that night that they got married. I was super upset. I know I told them I wanted to go to the larger ceremony, but when I answered it was more hypothetical. Even if I didn't go to the courthouse with them, I had assumed they were at least going to give me a head's up when they did it. For various financial reasons, they never ended up doing another reception with family. Had I known that wasn't going to be an option, I might have said I'd like to go to their wedding. I totally get wanting to have a private moment with your husband, but I would encourage you to talk to your kids about it and see their thoughts. You could say you want a private ceremony, but perhaps there could be something you do afterwards to celebrate with your children. Just be sure to tell them the day you are getting married. Don't just spring it on them afterwards. That was what really bothered me about how my dad handled the situation. I didn't care so much that I wasn't part of the family. I just couldn't believe they'd officially get married without telling me when it was going to happen.

IMO...

Marriage is union of two people, two people become one. Your family and their family become one family. I would not exclude my children from that milestone where they gain a new parent and/or siblings. I can tell you that the kids do understand the importance, they will remember and they will draw conclusions from your decision if you exclude them.