Getting married without our kids at the wedding..

I think they need to be there. Is there any way of having them there for the ceremony and then you guys going to your honeymoon? Like, can you send them home with family supervision?

That's definitely going to be your decision. I would probably have them there, because I don't think you'll regret it. If my mom were getting married, I'd be pretty mad if I weren't there.

That’s definitely a personal decision and each of your kids could react in a different way- from indifference to feeling “replaced” by the new spouse. That coils make for some tense years, especially with the ones closer to teenage. I agree with having them there for the ceremony then going away together, just the two of you.

I wouldn't be comfortable doing that. Usually my discomfort is with people who try to over-include the children- making vows to them, making them say vows, etc.

You guys are right, it would be best for them to be a part of the ceremony and then the two of us going away for our honeymoon sometime after the wedding. I was just having such bad anxiety about not wanting kids in our hotel room the night of our wedding that I started considering just the wedding being the 2 of us, which was selfish on my part. His kids (6&8) will refuse to stay in a different hotel room than their dad while we are there, even with family, but the important part is making them feel included since our families will be merging as one.

You're not being horrible and overly-selfish, but I also think doing a wedding without the children would be unwise. That could lead to a lot of resentment on the part of the children, and family problems down the road.

My mother was remarried when I was 6 years old, and I remember the parts when I felt included, and when I didn't.

It doesn't have to be about the kids, or include them in the vows or whatever, but I do really think they should be there.

Would it help if you have an intimate First Look before the ceremony?

How do you think they will feel knowing mom & dad are getting married and they aren't invited? How will they feel later in life when they are adults and think back to being excluded from your wedding? It's your decision but I would think carefully about how they may feel.

A six and eight year old aren't going to be comfortable staying away from parents in a strange hotel. I would rent a house or have adjoining rooms in a hotel to make sure that they feel safe and secure.

Can you send them somewhere else with family/whoever will be watching them while you and your FH are on your honeymoon after the ceremony and/or reception for the wedding night? I would want them there for the ceremony, but I totally understand not wanting them in the room on your wedding night.

Edit: This would work if it was a local wedding and they were going to grandma and grandpa's house or something like that but I'm not advocating putting your kids in a hotel room with people they aren't comfortable with if it's like a destination wedding.

I think they should be there. Mine werent there for their fathers and i feel bad. But he sprung it last minute on me and we had a wedding fitting that day. But they were a big part of my wedding. They loved every minute of it. They still talk about it to this day.
I think your kids would want to be there for you and their dad saying I DO.

FWIW, my kids (now 21 and 19) weren't comfortable in their own room until they were about 15. Honestly who cares about your "wedding night". If you have a DW, you've given up on that anyway. It's not like you're sneaking off to a romantic "other place" from the site of your DW. I would really defer to the kids needs right now. There's enough time later for your two to have your own adventures.

I think it's def a personal decision but when you're blending a family I feel like they should feel included so they know it's about the 4 of you. My FH and I have both been married previously. I have a boy that will be 10 and he has 2 boys that will be 17 and 20 years old when we get married. Even with his boys being so much older it was super important for all 3 of them to feel included. His oldest is going to be his BM and younger will be a GM. My son wanted to carry the rings but also walk me down the aisle. We have allowed them to be as involved as they want to be and they're really excited for us to officially be a family which means so much to FH and I. If you're comfortable not including them and they're ok with it then do it how you want but I think that since they're so young it may not go over well.

Yes, I think you're being selfish.

They're going to remember when they grow up that you cut them out of a major life event. Is it worth it? You get your private time on your honeymoon.

I honestly don't think I could ever picture a wedding without the kids involved, I was just letting the stress of planning a wedding while we are also in the process of buying a house get to me and I was in the "lets just run away to get married" mindset for a while, which in the long run I would not be happy with either.

This is you and your spouse's decision. It's your day! Do what will truly make you two happy. Happy wedding planning!

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When they involve other people, its not longer "their" day. The kids are other people that are already involved. They can't go about their plans without any thought to their kids.

OP, this isn't good advice.

Just a suggestion since you mention a possible beach wedding maybe you and fh can use this to your advantage. And have a sand ceremony incorporating the blending of families. Let the kids gather the sand this way they will feel included. And I think you will still get to enjoy your wedding night just a little later when all the kids are asleep.

View Quoted Comment Actually, it is good advice.
Agree to disagree. 🙂

I don't think it is "horribly selfish" but it is an unwise decision. You are blending families, and they will want to be included. I remarried and my two sons (18 and 20) were my "Best Men" and there was no way no how I was getting married without them there.

I can say from personal experience when my dad got remarried and didn’t include me I was heartbroken. I was 8 and couldn’t understand why. I still don’t have a good relationship with him to this day and I’m 29. My mom will be walking down the aisle and giving me away. I highly doubt my dad will even come