Getting married on Memorial Day

Yup, less than a month and I'm knee deep in @$#%. We have to pay the remaining balances for a couple vendors and our band still. I'm DIYing my flowers (and regretting it like hell!) still can't figure out what I want with my hair or shoes, and the next two weeks I have finals and large papers (like 3 10-15 page papers) due.

Crazy land here I come!!! Choo choo.

I mean don't get me wrong. I'm excited, and following all this hell I'll be married to by bestfriend, graduating in just 6mo with an awesome degree, and laying out at a cancun beach resort for 10 days.

Let's hope I make it lol

I like the idea of including some sort of acknowledgement for the veterans in your service, doesn't have to be anything big... Just to pay respect.

I just spent 45 minutes on a reply and fat fingered that stupid 'x". Now I have to start all over.

I will preface this by saying I am a veteran with 26 years of active federal service, my father was also a lifer in the military, and my brothers and grandfathers served with honor. In 2010 I had the very sad honor of knocking on the door of a mother and father to tell them their 20 year old son had been killed that morning by an IED in Afghanistan.

My father died when I was 3 so I have been decorating a Veteran's grave on Memorial Day for over 50 years.

In retirement I am a DoD Civilian working at the HQ from where I retired.

I will also preface this by saying that Memorial Day has been bastardized just as much as Christmas has. It rakes in a lot of money for retailers for sure.

And with one last preface, OP I am absolutely certain you did not choose this date with the intent of being disrespectful or thinking people would have concerns about it.

The purpose of Memorial Day is to remember those who died in service to their country. Period. it isn't about picnics, BBQ's, opening the pool, or the the beginning of Summer as many like to call it. All those other things are fed by the media and commercialism and are quite far from the meaning of the day.

Memorial Day, or Decoration Day as it was called when I was quite young started well over 150 years ago at the end of the Civil War by a General who felt all deceased veterans' graves should be adorned with flowers to remember their sacrifice. He chose May 30th of each year because flowers would be in bloom to decorate the graves.

It wasn't declared a national holiday until 1971. President Johnson had started the move in 1968 and it was signed by President Nixon. It was declared to be the last Monday in May rather than May 30th of every year.

I would raise an eyebrow at an invitation to a Memorial Day wedding, especially during the time of OP's. Flags are at half staff until noon and then sharply raised, and the National Moment of Remembrance is 3:pm. We always go to the same parade and service in a very small town with no traffic lights (it is REALLY small). The service is in the cemetary (where DS's Eagle Scout project, map and directions to all 600+ veteran graves) and Flander's Fields and the Response to Flander's Fields are read by 2 Honor Society Seniors from the high school. There are always well over 1000 in attendance. At the end of the program there is a ceremony for all retired US flags that are not serviceable. The only accepted way to dispose of these flags is by cutting them in a certain way (separate each stripe, never ever cut the field) and then they are burned by certain organizations designated by Congress. The Boy Scouts are on that list so DS's troop always takes care of that, handing pieces of the flag to attendees so they may put them in the burn barrel.

I would not skip our traditions of honoring deceased veterans to attend a wedding. I can certainly understand the response OP has had from some who have concerns about the meaning of the day. With the commercialism of the day, it is easy to see why many have no problem with it.

It is mostly celebrated now as a fun 3 day weekend with little to no mention of its' real purpose.

OP - if your wedding was later in the day/evening, I would attend. With the times you have chosen, I would decline, send you a wonderful gift and you would have no idea why I declined. I would smile and wish you a wonderful, happy marriage.

A few other comments:

Melanie - living veteran's should not be recognized at a Memorial Day function, even a wedding. That is not the purpose of the day and I can't think of any of my peers who would not be mortified to be recognized on that day. I am sure that came from a good place in your heart but it shouldn't be done.

NowASeptMrs - you said, "It's Memorial Day not Veterans Day Op ". Veteran's Day is not NEARLY as sacred as Memorial Day. Veteran's day recognizes the signing of the World War I Armistice at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. Leaders thought it was the end of a war to end all wars. That didn't work out so well. Living veteran's are recognized that day and people are incredibly kind, but I do not understand your comparison since one is so vastly different than the other.

FutureMrsP brings up the fact that people don't really care if it is Memorial Day, they are pissed if you mess up their 3 day weekend. Makes me very sad but you are spot on in your observation.

And last, Heather - if you are American and feel it is fine and to not care what people think about choosing that day, you make me very sad.

@jeleebeenz thanks for that! I don't have any deceased members in my family, only veterans who I'm not close with. I think that my family most certainly honors Memorial Day in a more commercial fashion, but really I think that's to be expected when the pain doesn't hit so close to home. If my family was heavily involved in the military, I'm sure it would be frowned upon, and for that I totally get they it's frowned upon for other people.

Marissa - I am so glad you received my post in the spirit in which it was written. While the commercialism does anger me, the truth is our society isn't taught what it really means and that is being forgotten. I do hope you have a wonderful wedding day.

I wouldn't bat an eye at it, if I was a guest at at Memorial Day wedding. Especially since its during the day, and it wouldn't prevent me from getting to work the next day (I'm not allowed to take a personal day the day before or after a holiday)

It's nice of you to consider how others might see it-- I have to say, for me it's just a day off and I'd be happy to go to a wedding that day. And then, often, your anniversary will fall on a three day weekend (I speak from experience-- I got married on Labor Day).

I think the issue (when it comes down to a wedding) is more that its a holiday/long weekend than that its for vets.. Some ppl feel u "ruin" the long weekend with the wedding but I think its a great option for weddings with a lot of OOT guests

Memorial Day is hard for a lot of veterans. Please do not honor living veterans; memorial day is for those that fought and died in service to our country.

I am getting married to a veteran on Veterans Day and we will be getting a free Starbucks (we usually go around collecting his free meals car wash, beer, etc) and then will celebrate our love, his service, and the service of those veterans attending with us. But Memorial Day is not Veterans Day.

First, if you have OOT guests it can be more expensive to travel on holiday weekends. Second, while some people have the day off that's really just a few select types of jobs (governments, teachings, some but not all offices, etc) people in other fields may actually have more trouble getting that day off than they would other days. My DH for example, likely would not be able to get that day off unless it was a very close family wedding. So even if we wanted to come we would have to decline. Also, I will say that some people have standing plans on that day that they can't/won't miss no matter what the event is. We tend to forget it nowadays but really the purpose originally was to go to visit soldiers graves. My grandma goes every year to my grandpas grave and would not miss that for a wedding, nor would I expect her to. If you have guests that are in the military or who have had loved ones in the military they may not be willing to skip that tradition.

I think it's fine. I also think it's a matter of knowing your guests as to whether or not a holiday weekend wedding would be an issue. We're getting married this Memorial Day weekend too and only had one decline that was due to someone having yearly plans for the holiday weekend.