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K
Beginner September 2018

Getting Married in a church service now, and Wedding celebration later

Kristina, on December 19, 2017 at 5:56 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 38

Hi, I've got a situation similar to those I found online but not quite the same and so I'm stuck on how to go about continuing planning our wedding. What I've mostly found online are couples who have had a court marriage and want to celebrate after, or married in secret now and get married later,...

Hi, I've got a situation similar to those I found online but not quite the same and so I'm stuck on how to go about continuing planning our wedding. What I've mostly found online are couples who have had a court marriage and want to celebrate after, or married in secret now and get married later, having to marry now for government/financial reasons and have a ceremony and wedding later where their marriage will be blessed (ours is marriage blessed now, ceremony ad wedding after). My Fiancé and I just secured our wedding venue and date, I've already bought my dress, we've selected our Best Man and Maid of Honour and we have already informally invited overseas guests to allow them extra time to save...everything else is slowly being ticked off the checklist however we hit a slight bump in the road. Just recently we spoke with our Pastor and yes he'd love to marry us however he would not be allowed to marry us if we continue to live together unmarried for an extended amount of time. It's extremely important to us that our marriage is blessed and prayed over and so we had 3 options. 1. Bring the entire wedding forward (unfortunately finances are preventing that so not really an option), 2. Live separately until September (we can't afford to pay 2 lots of rent and bills because we're currently saving and paying for this wedding) or 3. Get married now during a church service and continue to have the wedding celebration in September. Now I finally came to terms with option 3 as our marriage means more to me than the wedding (although both are important a wedding is for a day, a marriage is for a lifetime). We've discussed having the marriage ceremony with just our congregation, and immediate family. Our original best man would be invited however my maid of honour wouldn't be able to make it as she's just had a baby (and she is closest to family that I've got which will sadden me). Both our Mothers think it's a wonderful idea and don't see it as an issue however my Fiancé's Father has commented saying that our Wedding Day will just be a waste of money. I know that some non Christians won't understand however I guess this will separate the ones who support our wishes or don't. I'd just like some advice on how to word the invitations, could I still wear my white wedding dress, do we still have a Best Man and Maid of Honour, do we still do the other traditions like first dance, throwing the bouquet, taking of the garter, do we still have bucks and hens prior to... Original Wedding Date 6 September 2018, Marriage Date 25 February 2018. Thank you in advance

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38 Comments

  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
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    Yeah I kind of realised that after I typed it (haha). To be honest we weren't going to have "traditional stags and hens" as we're pretty vanilla. The boys were going to go paint balling and go karting, and the girls were going to do a winery tour

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  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
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    Have the party. Don't pretend you're not married. Don't have a re-ceremony or all those traditions, attendants, first dance, bouquet toss, etc. It's a reception, not a vow renewal and not a wedding.

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  • Megan
    Devoted January 2018
    Megan ·
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    We are eloping. One of the reasons being my mom moved out and FH is already pretty much living here now. We don't want to wait until May to get married so we are getting married now with a videographer and photographer. Everyone is aware of this. Then when we get the footage back we are having a reception to show everyone. We plan on rewearing our attire, and everyone is aware of the plans.
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  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
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    Did you tell your guests all in person that you guys had decided to marry early? and you told them beforehand?


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  • Megan
    Devoted January 2018
    Megan ·
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    We had just word of mouth told our guests that we were planning on some time in May, when we were still in the planning stages. It was only my mom, and siblings with spouses and kids on my side. FH had only planned on his parents and a few other people. So everything was done word of mouth for such an intimate group. Since we have changed it, it has all been word of mouth again. Some are supportive, some indifferent, and some sad, but this works best for us.
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  • Red Queen
    VIP May 2018
    Red Queen ·
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    I don't know. I think I personally would be less likely to go to a vow renewal after this amount of time. It just doesn't seem special. The whole point of going to a wedding is the marriage, and if you're already married, what are your guests there to witness?

    I mean, throw an awesome party and do what you like... but I doubt I'm the only one who would think it's a little weird. Most vow renewals are after a period of time like five or ten or more years, not like 7 months, so I wouldn't see that as being a reason to celebrate either.

    What do you still want out of all this? Just a party and getting to dress up in some fun clothes?

    Honestly, if you were going to be able to pay for it all in 7 months, why not just take a short term loan and move the whole thing up? I wouldn't consider that "going into debt" as long as you actually can afford it, and then you're still having a wedding instead of just a party.

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  • Kelsey
    Expert October 2018
    Kelsey ·
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    My views on the religious aspect aside...go for having a reception/party! You still have a reason to celebrate! Just make sure you are straight forward about it with all of your guests.
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  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
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    The reason for bringing it forward is for spiritual reasons however we have very close friends and family overseas that can’t afford or make the earlier date which is why we chose to keep the wedding celebration plans in place, and yes I guess I don’t want to miss out on wearing the dress that I’ve already bought, having a first dance, reception etc
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  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
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    Oh we have no intention of keeping it a secret that we got married. My question was the other things that go along with a wedding the do’s and don’ts of the wedding after you’re married
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  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
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    Yeah no matter how you plan a wedding it’s not going to please absolutely everybody
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  • Red Queen
    VIP May 2018
    Red Queen ·
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    It's not a wedding if you're already married though, that's kinda the point. It's a party.

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  • Megan
    Devoted January 2018
    Megan ·
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    Also if you are worried from others comments that they won't be as excited, think about your guest list. My FH's Aunt was thrilled when she found out that we were still planning on having some type of reception with footage. She even offered right then and there to host it. The people closest to you will most likely care and will love the opportunity to still come. Maybe just keep it on the smaller side. I could see if I was a distant relative not jumping up and down to go.
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  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
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    Our guest list was alway intimate (40-50) but yeah some of my closest live overseas or in different states
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  • S
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Sarah ·
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    One the bright side you can get really creative with your ceremony and skip some of the more fluff expenses. Even though you are having a religious ceremony, you could do it in a park or somewhere else. Find a venue that's just naturally beautiful and skip out on decorations!
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  • GoodMOB
    April 2018
    GoodMOB ·
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    I understand a lot of this, and I think it sounds like you are doing your best to respect your church's teachings and your pastor's views, that you are also considering your guests. I think you can do the church wedding in February and then have a celebration of marriage in September. Life isn't always so neat & tidy that it fits perfectly. Wishing you blessings on everything you do.


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  • K squared
    Super October 2017
    K squared ·
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    The same thing happened to us and we just went with a different pastor. I realized that if this pastor wasn't cool with us living together than he was probably not going to be ok with us not wanting kids or being an interfaith couple (and it was important to us to include Jewish prayers in our ceremony) We ended up going with my parents pastor that didn't bat an eye at any of that and actually teared up when we explained the meaning behind the breaking of the glass and why we wanted it included. She even added in an extra Jewish prayer of her own. We still go to her church and are so happy we didn't go with the other pastor. I would seriously rethink if you want this officiant to be the one to bless your marriage.
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  • E&M
    Master July 2016
    E&M ·
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    Everything that MrsBdeG said.

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