Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

K
Beginner September 2018

Getting Married in a church service now, and Wedding celebration later

Kristina, on December 19, 2017 at 5:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 38
Saved
Reply

Hi, I've got a situation similar to those I found online but not quite the same and so I'm stuck on how to go about continuing planning our wedding. What I've mostly found online are couples who have had a court marriage and want to celebrate after, or married in secret now and get married later, having to marry now for government/financial reasons and have a ceremony and wedding later where their marriage will be blessed (ours is marriage blessed now, ceremony ad wedding after). My Fiancé and I just secured our wedding venue and date, I've already bought my dress, we've selected our Best Man and Maid of Honour and we have already informally invited overseas guests to allow them extra time to save...everything else is slowly being ticked off the checklist however we hit a slight bump in the road. Just recently we spoke with our Pastor and yes he'd love to marry us however he would not be allowed to marry us if we continue to live together unmarried for an extended amount of time. It's extremely important to us that our marriage is blessed and prayed over and so we had 3 options. 1. Bring the entire wedding forward (unfortunately finances are preventing that so not really an option), 2. Live separately until September (we can't afford to pay 2 lots of rent and bills because we're currently saving and paying for this wedding) or 3. Get married now during a church service and continue to have the wedding celebration in September. Now I finally came to terms with option 3 as our marriage means more to me than the wedding (although both are important a wedding is for a day, a marriage is for a lifetime). We've discussed having the marriage ceremony with just our congregation, and immediate family. Our original best man would be invited however my maid of honour wouldn't be able to make it as she's just had a baby (and she is closest to family that I've got which will sadden me). Both our Mothers think it's a wonderful idea and don't see it as an issue however my Fiancé's Father has commented saying that our Wedding Day will just be a waste of money. I know that some non Christians won't understand however I guess this will separate the ones who support our wishes or don't. I'd just like some advice on how to word the invitations, could I still wear my white wedding dress, do we still have a Best Man and Maid of Honour, do we still do the other traditions like first dance, throwing the bouquet, taking of the garter, do we still have bucks and hens prior to... Original Wedding Date 6 September 2018, Marriage Date 25 February 2018. Thank you in advance

38 Comments

Latest activity by E&M, on December 20, 2017 at 10:00 AM
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    As long as you don't lie on your invites I think it should be fine. I'm an atheist and I'd get it if I was invited to a vow renewal/celebration of marriage shortly after the wedding actually happened.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Yep, this. I would call it a celebration of marriage and call it a day!

    • Reply
  • J. Clo
    Master May 2018
    J. Clo ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Great idea!

    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah it's completely out of left field. Your thoughts on the invitations? Kristina and Mitchell or Mr and Mrs Kristina and Mitchell Starkey? I was going to write something along the lines of "the pleasure of your company is requested at a wedding celebration for..."

    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Celebration of Marriage... yeah I could roll with that

    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I would put "Mr. and Mrs. Kristina and Mitchell Starkey" and the "the pleasure of your company is requested at the celebration of their recent marriage" just to make it clear you are already married. We've seen some pretty upset family members post on these board about how horrible they felt being lied to when they found out the couple was already married. Just be clear and honest! I think many people will still be excited to celebrate with you!


    If your religion is important to you I can totally understand why you'd get married sooner rather than later and I'm sure most of your guests will too.

    • Reply
  • L
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Londa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You could make the invitations something cool and spunky like " We STILL do!" you're true friends and family and just going to be happy to celebrate with you no matter what.
    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted September 2018
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Are you dead set on that pastor? Because I would just find a new officiant.
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Christianity is a new thing to me but has become important so I really appreciate your comments, and the wording you're provided is excellent! Thank you

    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I love that! "We Still Do" or "We Do, Take Two!"

    • Reply
  • starsinwaves
    VIP November 2018
    starsinwaves ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Apologies in advance if this is too critical, but it sounds to me like you're just trying to skirt the rules of your religion.

    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Haha yes, that's pretty cool

    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah we are. We've attended and not gone back to many other churches because we felt we didn't get the spiritual support from the congregation and Pastor. Our Pastor now is not only our Pastor but friend and him and his wife know us and are real positive figures in our lives. We always agreed to not have just anyone marry us. Plus I did look it up and Pastors can forego officiating if the couple continue to live together unmarried for unextended period of time. I wouldn't be happy to be married by a Pastor who would bend those rules.

    • Reply
  • Sunshine
    Super January 2019
    Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Is it possible to compromise with the pastor and have you split rooms in your home? Have FH sleep in the guest room or something? Or maybe have one of you move in with a friend until the wedding?

    Otherwise what you're thinking is fine as long as you don't lie about it.
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    How so?

    I asked my Pastor how is that he could still marry us if we do it now rather than continue to wait as my Fiancé and I have been together for over 3 years and his response was that we both got recently saved (being committed Christians). So getting married sooner rather than later would be according to his doctrine. My Fiancé and I have held off intimacy and will continue to do so until we'r married.

    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah we did consider those options too. We unfortunately don't have spare rooms to sleep in, and we just moved to a new city so we don't have many friends to crash with here. Our Pastor did offer us a room at his but he has children etc and we'd hate to impose.

    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Would all the other things that go with a traditional wedding be done ie walking down the aisle, wearing the dress, best man and maid of honour, first dance, throwing the bouquet, stag and hen, etc

    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Would your pastor be willing to do a vow renewal (i.e. walk down the aisle)? If so, I don't see why not?

    I would not have a bridal party because it's a vow renewal and they are traditionally there to witness and sign the marriage certificate. Stag and hen, traditionally, wouldn't be done because you are already married. You can throw the bouquet but I highly recommend against it. We did the garter/bouquet and it was soooo awkward and I felt so bad, personally, for reinforcing those gender stereotypes.

    Wear your wedding gown or you can opt for a fun party dress. I don't think attire is set in stone for vow renewals.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I wouldn't think the stag and hen-do since you won't be bachelor/bachelorette anymore. You will be married people by quite a while.

    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner September 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Okay thank you. Those are definitely some things to think about

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics