Getting legally married before the wedding?

Etiquette wise this is fine as long as everyone is aware that you're already married and you're not keeping it a secret. Personally, I would just wait. It's one month. We're all eager to get married one month before our wedding. I also don't feel like anyone ever takes vow renewals as seriously as weddings.

I wouldn’t do it just because you miss him now. My fiancé is in the army too. I’ve had friends do this and they regret it later.

View Quoted Comment Would there be a difference though in the ceremony between if we were already married and if we weren't?


And tbh idk we've been separated for a while and it's honestly killing us at this point

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I mean, yeah. You're either married or you're not. If you go to the courthouse and legally get married before your "wedding," then it's no longer a wedding and you're a married couple having a vow renewal. You only get to get married once.

Honestly, I'll probably be one of the few people pro getting married early. It's clear from your post that you missed him, and I feel that way now when my FH isn't deployed. I think it's romantic that you want to marry him as soon as he gets home, and honestly...the only people it should matter to are you two. Certainly inform your families, maybe even include them, but you can still have your big wedding. If the timing feels right, then get married when he gets back and celebrate a renewal in a month.


Here are a few articles agreeing: https://www.thespruce.com/secret-marriages-legalities-of-do-overs-2301009https://www.brides.com/story/civil-ceremony-wedding-etiquette-question

You're SO close to your wedding date, personally, I'd wait, but clearly you can do whatever you want. I do think if a couple is already married they should be upfront about it with their guests. I think it makes more sense if a couple decides to get married ahead of the planned ceremony date for insurance coverage or military travel/housing issues, etc., but you can still be together as soon as he returns without getting married just a few weeks before your planned wedding.

That's a tough one. My FH and I have discussed getting married before our date a well, but for other reasons. Most of them being the stress that I have put on myself about the wedding. My FH thought it would help me relax if we were already married and were just planning a party. Ultimately we decided to wait because our date is so close (February), I already have my dress, my bridesmaids have their dresses, he has his custom suit and his groomsmen have all already paid for their suits a well. Also, I want my grandpa to have that moment of walking me down the aisle as he practically raised me.

However, no one can answer this question for you. It is something both you and your FH will have to talk about and decide what to do. If you do decide to make it official before your wedding date, I do agree with some of the other replies you received telling you to make sure your guests know you're already married. I wouldn't try to hide it if you got married earlier.

View Quoted Comment This. I think some guests may be upset and you only have a few more weeks.

If it's only a month, I would wait. You've waited this long!

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Hopefully, marriage is for "the long-haul," and, honestly, in the best of circumstances, it involves LOTS of "delayed gratification" and working together to achieve extended goals (it takes a loooong time for kids to grow up so you have more freedom to make the choices you want.... LOL). Waiting a few more weeks for the wedding seems like a minor thing in the big picture of the rest of your lives together. Maybe look at it as you and FH can enjoy the last weeks of planning, etc. together before the wedding ceremony in front of your friends and family. With him away, he likely hasn't been able to be part of all the pre-wedding stuff, so enjoy that together, too!

My husband and I (he is Navy) went to the courthouse last Nov 2018 and made everything official. Then we just had out "wedding/vow renewal" this Nov 2019 (last weekend). I thought it was great, I got to be his wife and then a year later renew our vows in front of our closest friends and family

Honestly, unless there is a chance he'll have to deploy again before the wedding date, I would just wait. Military life is hard, but one month won't make too much difference.

I wouldn’t. If you were a year away or something maybe, but you’re only 2 months away at this point just wait!

I would wait. Being a military wife to be, you will have to get used to being apart.
If you can't wait a month, then the deployments will be unbearable.
I've had several long distance as well as military relationships. Being married a few weeks earlier, won't take away the loneliness and heartache that separation brings.
Your actual wedding that you have planned for and waited for , gives you something to look forward to.You may disappoint friends and family in the process of being hasty. If I were you, I'd wait.Weddings are special, once in a lifetime occasions. All good things come to those that wait.
The time will fly by and you may end up regretting not waiting.

If there was a long time between now and the wedding, I think that would make some sense. But to marry just because you feel you can’t wait another month makes me wonder if you’re really ready for marriage. As someone else pointed out, marriage is a long term thing, and rushing it and getting married a couple weeks before your big ceremony isn’t going to change or prove anything. If he was being sent overseas between now and the wedding is understandable. But to marry the day he returns from leave is silly to me. A month isn’t going to make a difference in your marriage. I suggest you use that time to be excited together and enjoy putting the final pieces of your wedding together. That will mean much more than running to sign a piece of paper.

Is he deployed or is he in basic training? If he is deployed, wait until he gets back home and takes a breather. If at basic training, I'd wait for sure. I've seen this south so many times.

View Quoted Comment My FBIL and FSIL decided to get married right after my FBIL finished basic. Ooooooooh dear they planned it in the last few weeks he was away and got married during the 2 weeks before he left for his first duty station. During his 1st deployment she ended up cheating and now their marriage is on the rocks, and they’re not sure they’re going to be able to make it. If it’s basic training i would always recommend waiting for a bit.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. I know very few marriages that worked out when married right out of boot/basic. Heck, just at a young age in general with military involvement. It is not an easy life for both parties. My fiance was previously married to a woman who cheated while serving in Iraq. He doesnt regret the marriage because it taught him a lot about life and ultimately makes him respect our relationship mor, but he warns all of his junior Marines against making the same mistake.

More* oops lol

View Quoted Comment Apparently they did a raise of hands towards the end of his time at basic asking how many were married, engaged, or expecting a baby. That’s when he decided to propose.