Genuine question about drink tickets/cash bar

We are doing passed champagne and beer during the cocktail hour and then doing beer and wine a certain amount till gone into the reception.

My extended family has been known to make the most of some other options so this just seemed the easiest to us. I am pretty cautious about people over consuming and would have been ok with drink tickets but always feel like those that you don't want to drink too much still end up with those drink tickets. Anyways...the other thing we are doing is having a no shot policy. I think most of the drinking drama of past weddings shouldn't be much of an issue at my wedding mostly because everyone has grown up a lot and now has at least 1 kid they are going to put into bed the night of the wedding (should keep them on fairly good behavior I hope...fingers crossed).

At one family wedding the uncles were given a card that could be swiped for free drinks (that the family hosting the wedding would pay at at the end of the night) and at some point my cousins (in early 20's) got their hands on it and drank sooooo many drinks on it. Costing at least $1000 more than the family hosting intended to pay). Uffda.

On the other side of things there are several venues I have known people to have weddings at in MN that do not allow any adult beverages.

One last note I would never complain if someone didn't have an open bar (maybe it is regional or the people I know but most people do not have full open bars) but I do appreciate it when the building has an ATM in it...cause I tend to always forget that I need cash not just a credit card when leaving for a wedding.

Stephanie I think you maybe hit on the difference in your post.

It seems in some places it's considered asking the guests to pay for what the hosts can't afford to host and therefore shouldn't even have. Which does make sense to me in those terms.

It's not really seen that way here. Pretty much the opposite. I guess after the hosted dinner portion, it kind of switches into "party mode" and it's seen as a bonus that the hosts are covering a portion of the costs to keep drinking all night. No one expects to be hosted for 9 hours of drinking. (This is assuming it's done in the typical way and not fully cash from the start).

I don't know anyone who expects more than 2 or 3 free drinks at a wedding, everyone just knows there will be cheap booze once the party really gets going.

Just two totally different mindsets!

Am I the only person that doesn't care if a wedding (or any event really) has alcohol?

I do drink, but I just don't care. I was at a wedding for hours once before I realized there was a bar set up in the hallway...

So if I go and they have a limited bar (I don't care for beer or wine), I'll just drink tea, or lemonade, or heaven forbid, WATER!

Crap. A lot of these posters are making me reconsider some things... I don't think I'm a good host at all... I wasn't planning on having tampons in the ladies room, cigarettes for the smokers, or even transportation. There's a vending machine by our reception, I didn't even consider to put dollars in a bucket outside it in fear people had to pay for something.... Note- I'm young, my friends are young, and we usually pregame with our own liquor before going to bars and only getting a drink or two out. I'm whiskey girl, and most of my friends are liquor drinkers as well. We drink beer at parties, but heck if I could only afford to pay for there well drinks, or 3 drinks, they would be thrilled!!! At a wedding that only had beer and wine I asked if I could buy it, and was sad to find out I couldn't.... I understand why and I had fun but I don't mind it at all. As much as people say "do what you want." I would rather provide people with liquor, or give them the option to pay for it since MANY friends have asked me if we will have liquor or if they need to hide flasks... (Side note- we are having an open bar with about 10 different liquor options)

Tampons and cigarettes are not the same thing as asking your guests to pay for their food and/or beverage at an event you are hosting. Your guests are expected to pay for their own lodging/travel/transportation/tampons/cigarettes/shampoo/toothpaste/etc. (though many brides offer transportation and it is a nice thing to do if you can).

The host HOSTS the event. The event should include refreshments appropriate for the time of day and formality of the events. No one says they MUST have alcohol, but they should host everything they choose to serve as a beverage. Don't want to pay for it, don't make it available. If your guest goes to a vending machine (?????? why the f would they?) they are the one being rude for being ungrateful for what you've hosted. Same if they go to the bar next door and start doing shots because you hosted beer and wine.

I honestly hate the idea of cash bars. There's no way that everyone is going to know it's a cash bar until they get there (or maybe they won't remember). The last time I went to a cash bar wedding, half the guests spent half of the reception drinking in the parking lot.

You know, I would never think of that option, but it really does not sound so bad either. I am not an etiquette expert, but fell it is you wedding and if they would like to drink they should go to a bar not a wedding! My FH and I just had a discussion about this and I think I will lean more towards having drink options for my guest and that is what they will have to deal with. Most people are not heavy drinkers so I think it will be okay, but I am considering whether or not to have a cash bar for anyone that would like anything else other than what tim I am serving...

I must say I have really gone back and forth with whether the guest should pay anything and fill that since most if not all of my guest will have to travel and get a hotel so I could not imagine adding any additional cost!

Our venue offers an open bar for 2 pours per person. When the pour count is getting close to the cap the coordinator will come to us and ask if we want to close the bar, switch to cash bar, or pay $300 to extend to unlimited. We are also allowed to bring up to 2 cases of our own beer and 2 signature cocktails which will not be included in the pour count so we're gonna go with limited for now and see how the evening plays out (reception ends at 8 on a Sunday). We're going to decide what to do when the time comes depending on the time left in the reception and the atmosphere of the guests. If we have to, we'll probably cough up the extra $300 and go unlimited though. Given the day and time I doubt we'll actually have to do that though but we're going to plan for it budget wise. See if your venue will allow similar guidelines or if you have the option of switching to unlimited and paying the difference if your limited is capped early in the evening.

For my wedding I'm doing two tickets per guest, after that it's cash and non alcoholic drinks are on us all night as we have quite a few out of town guests who will drive back that night, as well as about 20 kids (if all parents bring their kids). I have never actually been to a wedding that was a complete open bar. All my cousins weddings all were tickets and then cash.

I am a bartender for weddings and have seen so many different ways of doing it. Ive seen the time capped bar (where people ending up leaving early because there's no more booze). Open bars (where people get trashed and make a huge scene when you cut them off). Ticket then cash bar (where people actually ENJOY the night, make good company and no treat the wedding as a reason to get wasted). Also I've done limited bars, where some people drink water all night, and are miserable because they drink beer or wine and everyone else is having a good time. And then theres the dry wedding...and I'm not commenting on that (except for the fact that it was a wedding of 130 guests, but 10pm there were 20 people left).

So in my opinion/experience, if you cant afford to have an open bar (which I cant), have a ticket then cash, it gives the guests the option, and everyone is happy in the long run. I've never had to be the "pshychiatrist" to a guest who felt it was unfair for them to have to pay for their own booze, but I have had to be one when someone was being cut off, or there was nothing to drink.

Munkos- I'm with you 100%. A couple I know, at their wedding reception each person was handed a nice hand made ticket that said "Thank you! Please enjoy a free beer or glass of wine on us!" . There were also tickets given to children for pop or juice. Everyone thought it was great, they bought everyone a drink, and there's still the option to keep going if you so choose. I wouldn't go to a wedding expecting free booze all night, I loved how they did it and we plan on doing the same thing Everyone gets something and we're not personally funding those who can drink more than their weight in alcohol. And there's nothing wrong with that

This may have been said, but I'm about to leave work for the day and wanted to post:

Weddings throughout history have been thought of a HOSTED PARTY by the bride's family (now more often thought of as the bride and groom) to celebrate the coming together in marriage.

If I have a party at my house, my bar is stocked with AT THE VERY LEAST well liquors and the fridge is full of beer and at least 1 bottle of red wine, 1 white (depending on how many people). I also lay out waaaay too many appetizers/munchies/food but these are people I invited to my house and I want to be sure that they are taken care of to the best ability and I feel that my wedding should be no less different than a night over my house (just with us in nice clothes!).

At the very least offer a limited bar...two different kinds of beer (people wont bitch), a red wine, a white wine and you can probably get away with Vodka and Rum (or Scotch or bourbon/whiskey...you know your guests best). That doesn't exclude people but it does force them to make a decision. NOBODY expects you to accommodate the drink preferences of every single person at your wedding but they would appreciated the effort.

We're doing an open/full bar because we know that is what our guests would expect and appreciate. (And because the in-laws said, "But you must have an open bar dear. We will not make our guests PAY for drinks.") No lie my mil speaks like that! LOL

I really think we are forgetting about the regional aspect. I have been to numerous events over the years and I have seen bars handled many different ways.

Also, I don't think attending a wedding is about the booze or lack of it. As long as you tell me in advance what to expect (like bringing cash), I will be thrilled you are asking me to be a part of your day. As for the people that say "I wouldn't go to a wedding if there was a cash bar", seems the priorities are a bit mixed up.

(Just a note, before people go off on me. I am having an open bar. However, it's regional and something I want to do.)

I understand the etiquette points here, but I just wanted to throw out an opinion. I have been to many weddings that are open bar, toonie bar and full-cash bar. Before coming onto wedding wire it had never even crossed my mind to be upset over paying for drinks! Those wedding parties made it known in advance and guests came prepared. That's it, story over. If you are getting upset over paying for drinks I don't think you are at the wedding for the right reasons. I don't give a rats ass if it's an open bar or not, I just like attending weddings to have fun with the couple, friends and families.

To add to that, we are doing an open bar because we are able to within our budget.

Some people say they go to weddings just to celebrate bride and groom. Well maybe you do but a good portion of your guest list is going to your wedding just to have a good time. They really don't want to spend $100 a plate, get dressed up, etc. As a consequence, food and drink are big. If you only have a cash bar, that's very cheap. Tickets are just stupid.

Save up and have an open bar.

I'm having:

signature drinks/open beer and wine for cocktail hour

open beer/wine for 1 hr of reception.

That is all I can afford. I put my money toward other things that I cared for more, like photography, videography and my GAWGEOUS dress.

With that being said. Closing the bar afterward isnt an issue, but what if I have ppl asking for more drinks or that wished we left it open for at least a cash bar. I dont want to disappoint those who dont mind paying for more drinks. I get the etiquette rule, and completely understand. But as a guest, I would want a bar to remain open as a cash bar so I keep getting my "drink" on.

Niecy - it would be rude on their part to demand a cash bar. A guest's "job" is to graciously accept what the host is offering. This is why hosted wine/beer and cash liquor is still rude - it says to the host, "what you have offered is not good enough for me." It also means that guests that don't have cash or can't afford it don't get equal treatment as guests who can. Will you still be offering non-alcoholic beverages after the bar closes? If so, you're fine. Guests can meet you at a bar afterward and pay for their own drinks if you want to have an after party, though.

I've never heard of drink tickets. May I ask where you are from? (I'm using the app).

I think it's definitely a regional thing. I have been to about 20 weddings, and only two of them were open bars, the rest were cash. We're still trying to decide what we're doing for booze (basically will throw whatever is left in the budget at it), but most likely we will be doing hosted beer/wine and cash bar (typical). We are doing this for several reasons, the biggest being that it is completely expected in my circle, and also due to cost. I know alcohol costs vary widely, especially between the US/Canada. I estimate for about 70 guests, just doing beer/wine will be at least $1000, and that's if everyone only has 2.5 glasses. So I can't imagine what it would cost to have hard liquor in there too. We're paying for the wedding completely on our own, and I'm not interested in shelling out thousands of dollars for our guests to get smashed. I am however, interested in providing them with enough booze that everyone gets festively buzzed, and that's what fits in the budget. If we can afford to have an open bar for the beginning, then we'll do it, but it isn't a priority. Like others have said, our guests would much rather pay for hard drinks than not have them there at all.

I definitely understand the etiquette points being made, however my family and friends are all really awesome and laid back and I HIGHLY doubt the word "etiquette" will cross any of their minds, because they are all there to celebrate with us, not pick apart our wedding. I've never heard anyone complain at any of the cash bar weddings I've been to. Hell I've never even been to a BBQ or dinner party that wasn't BYOB or a side dish. That's just how we roll. Go ahead and rip me apart now for not having an entirely hosted bar or limiting it to just beer/wine (I've never heard of this until ww).

I'm from the Northeast. Here's my thing. I don't care how tacky it is, if I'm given the option of a cash bar, vs. a beer and wine bar or God forbid a dry wedding, I'll take the cash bar any day. I like to have a few drinks at a wedding, and I'm not afraid to admit it.