Gender Roles

View Quoted Comment That's great. I think couples need to figure out what works for them and go with it.

View Quoted Comment Team work will make the marriage work.

View Quoted Comment I completely understand.

View Quoted Comment I agree, couple's should work as a team to get the job done.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for clarifying.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you.

View Quoted Comment As long as each partner is doing their part then the marriage can be successful.

View Quoted Comment I agree with that.

View Quoted Comment Exactly!!! It take two to make a marriage work.

I will say my fiancé and I will be very traditional. I’ve always hated working and my goal in life is to be a mother and a wife. So, I will be at home doing the cleaning, cooking, laundry, finances, and running errands. He loves to work and is very ambitious and determined to make us enough money so we don’t have to work if we don’t want to (although, he’ll always want to). We will of course, both do the parenting and for a while we will be working together as a realtor team. We have a few not so traditional roles though. I am the handyman in our relationship and will probably fix all the things that break around the house, while he loves fashion so he’ll probably be the one shopping for our wardrobes. We even have traditional roles in our work relationship. I will do all the paperwork and setting up appointments, while he will be out there getting clients, showing houses and closing deals. I can appreciate when I meet couples that mix up the roles, but I wouldn’t want to do our life together any other way.

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I think that if those roles work in your relationship then you should go with it. No judgment here.

Nope! Life is so variable you gotta do what you gotta do to keep rolling! If a couple really wants a traditional gendered relationship then they can do whatever works. But my fiance and I threw all that out a long time ago, we are a team and a good team can fill in where they need it regardless of who typically or traditionally does what.

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In my relationship flexibility is what works best. Although my husband does most of the cooking and cleaning, whenever he needs me to help out I do.

We tend to follow typical gender roles, but not on purpose. I really enjoy cleaning and cooking. He’s better with outdoor tasks and fixing stuff. That’s not to say that he doesn’t ever clean or I don’t ever mow the lawn. It just tends to work out that way most of the time. We both care for our pets equally.

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It's funny how life works out sometimes.

No way. Thats some sexist patriarchal bs.

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How do you and your future husband divide the responsibilities?

To me the concept of gender roles is very antiquated, just like the idea that certain qualities aren’t masculine like being nurturing and empathetic. However, we do primarily follow the traditional gender roles because that’s what we were taught and the skills we have (which is why we are both are so adamant that both our son and daughter learn basic life skills). I was raised by a single mother who knew nothing about cars, so I was never taught anything about cars. I do know how to jump a dead battery (necessity because my cars battery was dying a lot), how to change a tire, add windshield wiper fluid, easy stuff, but my FH was taught how to change the oil and check the filters and basic maintenance stuff so he takes care of our vehicles. I primarily do the cleaning and pretty much exclusively do the cooking (my FH was never taught to cook- an issue I’m remedying with our son), but he helps out when he has time. Mostly, that just comes down to the fact that I am the one that’s home with the kids right now. When we were both working full time, we both pitched with what needed done.

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As long as each partner pitches it that's all that matters.

Not at all. My fiance works from home as a virtual teacher. He will do dishes or pick up the house and sometimes starts dinner. I work 20 minutes from where we live so I'm not always home in time to make a big dinner but I will do some dishes or will mow the lawn on the weekend or whatever else needs to be done. We work as a team and that's all that should matter.