Married Millennial
VIP March 2019

Gender Roles

Married Millennial, on June 23, 2019 at 11:40 AM Posted in Married Life 0 91
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My husband and I have a unique relationship in that although he works, he also does most of the cooking and cleaning while I am a full-time teacher and student. Many people have told us that it's "weird" because our relationship does not fit within the typical "gender roles".Do you think partners should have different responsibilities according to their gender? Why or why not?

Gender Roles 1

91 Comments

  • Nikita
    Rockstar April 2019
    Nikita Online ·

    Absolutely not.

    They should have roles based on their relationship and individual skills/preferences. My husband is a fiber artist. So when it comes to things like sewing, that's all him. He's also better with getting laundry done and definitely takes care of decor. He's also the more emotional 'heart-on-their-sleeve' type. Meanwhile, I take care of cleaning the bathrooms, all gardening, dishes, etc. and tend to be more introverted.

  • Mandi
    VIP March 2020
    Mandi ·
    Gender roles just don't fit our relationship. My fiance cleans the litterbox, can cook, puts the trash in the garage and mows the lawn.
    This week, I moved his old bed downstairs, cut down a tree, cut it up and moved it to the backyard so I can use it for the firepit later, and I take the trash to the dumpster.
    We also do our laundry separately.
  • Married Millennial
    VIP March 2019
    Married Millennial Online ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree that the roles should be based on an individuals skills and preferences.
  • Married Millennial
    VIP March 2019
    Married Millennial Online ·
    View Quoted Comment
    So what would you say your responsibilities are based off of?
  • B
    Dedicated July 2017
    Becky ·

    We both do some things, based on who's home when - laundry, dishes, cooking, etc.

    He does the cleaning and most of the maintenance (he likes to and I don't) whereas I do the errands and make the appointments because I would rather do them than clean lol

  • Shannon
    Expert June 2021
    Shannon ·
    I think you should do what works for you. We don’t really have roles. We just get things done. I’m a teacher. During the school year, during stressful periods of time, Adam takes on more. Adam is the general manager of a store an hour from home. During the summer when I’m not working as much, I take on more anyway because I’m home and even more when he has to be at the store a lot. We also have sons 9, 12 and 15 who are required to help around the house and yard.
  • Married Millennial
    VIP March 2019
    Married Millennial Online ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Lol, I would rather do those things than clean as well.
  • Married Millennial
    VIP March 2019
    Married Millennial Online ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I'm a teacher as well and do more house work during the summer when I'm out of school.
  • Shannon
    Expert June 2021
    Shannon ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I teach ESY in the summer and teach trainings, but have a lot of time off and I I didn’t do something productive, I’d go insane, so it works out.
  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
    Ack I hate the ”gender rules” my fiancé and I both work he does most of cleaning I do most of cooking. I dust and clean microwave he cooks Tuesday, He pays bills I pay entertainment. People have got to get out if stereotyping do to age race culture income and so on. I would nEver be in a relationship where we both worked and I did all cleaning and cooking only because he is a man.
  • Cheryl
    Devoted October 2020
    Cheryl ·
    That would so not work for us. I have the big corporate job and sometimes I work 10-12 hour days. I primarily do the meal planning, but we do the grocery shopping together. If he's home he is so good about doing the laundry then we fold and put away our own clothes, loading and unloading the dishwasher, and taking care of all the cat stuff. I just don't ask him to clean bathrooms because he doesn't have the attention to detail required for that.
  • Married Millennial
    VIP March 2019
    Married Millennial Online ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I used to feel that way but I'd like yo spend this summer catering to my husband instead of working so much.
  • Married Millennial
    VIP March 2019
    Married Millennial Online ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Unfortunately changing the midsets of people can take years.
  • Married Millennial
    VIP March 2019
    Married Millennial Online ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I prefer to just do the household tasks together so nothing is gender specific.
  • Cyndy
    Super May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    Definitely not! We do things as a team to get things done. He does all the cooking because he likes it and I don’t. I cut the grass because I like doing it. Gender roles are so old fashion and in this day and age with most people both working everyone needs to do whatever it takes to run a smooth house. I wouldn’t listen to whoever is telling you that. Do what works for the two of you!!
  • Shannon
    Expert June 2021
    Shannon ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I teach ESY because I don’t trust anyone else with my students (I teach Emotional Support). I need to be busy.
  • Melle
    Master June 2019
    Melle ·
    I don't believe in gender roles. If he's a better cook than I am then why do I need to be the one always cooking, ya know? We kind of just felt like whomever has the time and wants to can do those tasks. It doesn't need to be specified by gender. Just needs to be done
  • Mandi
    VIP March 2020
    Mandi ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Wants and abilities.
    He wanted the cats and can deal with their poo. I can't.
    He knows how to use our mower and cares more about the lawn.
    He can cook.
    I wanted the tree gone. So I took care of it.
    We just are used to doing our own laundry, so we haven't combined that yet.
    I take the trash to the dumpster, because the dumpster is at my place of employment.
  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
    No I don't think so. All genders are capable of completing different tasks. I think a participatory approach to them is best for both involved.

  • Diana
    Super December 2019
    Diana ·
    I work 12 plus hours a day, that includes working two jobs. He works 8 hours a day with one job. He takes care of the house more so than I do. Plus he’s taking on cooking with the help of my two teenage daughters. He wanted to help out and take some burden off my plate I’ve Ben doing as a single mother. He says it’s a equal partnership and he’s trying to do his part as a soon to be step-parent.

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