So I have a peculiar situation. If you want the full detail read the following 2 paragraphs. If you just want the main issue look at the last one. Thank you in advance!
I am Lithuanian-American and we are doing a lot of Lithuanian traditions throughout the ceremony and reception to include my culture as that is a HUGE part of who I am. My FH is totally fine with it and supportive. Has vetoed some and on the fence about others, but the big ones I HAD to include he has agreed to no questions asked with minimal grumbling (he has to learn a traditional folk dance and he, and I quote, “Can’t dance worth a lick.”).
With this being said, he is also very American. I’m talking yee-haw, good old, raised right, southern boy. He actually is why we are doing a big wedding and not just eloping (would rather put the money towards a house but meh, hubby wants a party I’ll happily do a party). With this though, he does have a few American Christian based wedding traditions he wants to do, which I agree to and also have my minor grumbles (mainly about non-personalized vows), but I can’t get on board with one and it’s of course the one he wants to do most… the garter toss.
3 or 4 years ago I think I would have been fine, but I have been corner by all members of his family multiple times a year for over 7 years of dating this man talking about the importance of purity, or talking about is cuddling each other is inappropriate, how we should make sure not to kiss or hold hands in public, or we shouldn’t ever be alone in a room together, how we shouldn’t take trips together, trying to force a confession of sexual sin out of me by saying if I confess to them and then confess to God all will be forgiven, etc. I legit can no longer at his family functions sit side by side with him without having a panic attack. There has to be a space. I also will arrive and leave with him, but I make it a point to talk to other family members and have him approach me and initiate contact with me (my love language is physical touch). I will not DARE to make the 1st move for fear of family backlash (he doesn’t get the trips only I do). I told him point blank that if we do a garter toss at our wedding where he sticks even just his hand under my skirt I’m likely to have a full blown panic attack in front of everyone (his family is just under 100 people). I offered him to do a boutonniere toss, a baseball, football, etc, but he really wants to do the garter. He respects my wishes but I feel awful as he’s been so accommodating towards me, but I just can’t for the sake of my own mental health at the wedding do this one for him.
Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement for this situation, because I feel so stuck.