Future step sisters in-law not invited to shower and FSMIL is ANGRY..

EH....if he's close to the stepmother/sister then you probably should have. But I would just let explain that whomever is throwing the shower is on a tight budget and that since you don't really know the FSSILs that you didn't think they would feel comfortable or want to give up the day to spend at your shower making a wedding dress out of toilet paper

Who is throwing the shower?

How old are these girls?

I can see why she would be upset. They are your FH's family, and soon to be your family.

I have met them and I like them, but I wanted it to be a small-ish shower, so even a few members of MY family weren't invited. I only invited people I am close with and I'm not close with them. Is that wrong of me? I understand her wishing that I had invited them, but it doesn't seem right for her to be this angry and demand that I invited them last minute.

Are they invited to the wedding? What is their relationship to your FH? Why are you throwing your own shower? There is so much going on here that I'm not sure what to respond to first.

I'm not sure that this qualifies as "bullying" but I do think if she's upset that her daughters were not invited (as in, feeling slighted) then why not invite them? Why would you care if they attend the shower or not when the purpose is to shower you with GIFTS?

Apologize that this was an oversight and send the invitations to placate the step mother. I doubt they'd come now anyway. Giving you a gift and sitting through boring conversation with strangers...especially after you didn't invite them in the first place is probably not a top priority for them. It likely wasn't a top priority to begin with.

I mean, seriously, who enjoys going to bridal showers except the bride?

If I had thought about it I should have realized that she would do this and just invite them to avoid this problem but it's too late for that now. So now I just want to know, should I let her force me to invite them or explain to her that not everyone could be invited because the venue isn't that big, I want to keep costs down for my MOH, and because I was pretty sure they wouldn't come because they live 4 hours away and have small children.

Its not really right or wrong, these girls are to be considered immediate family to your FH, and its not like the parents just got married, they've been married 11 years. If there were just sisters and not "step" sisters, you most likely would have invited them, even if you didn't have a relationship with them because its the right thing to do and they should be included.

By not including them it sends a message that you don't consider them close enough family to your FH to include them in wedding events and its not up to you to draw those familial lines.

ETA: I wouldn't invite them now, because they are going to know that they were part of the B List and invited just because their mom got upset. That would make a really awkward position for them to be in

LivelyBride,

They are invited to the wedding and they are my FH's stepsisters. I'm not throwing my own shower, my MOH is but I told her who to invite. You are probably right. I should just invite them.. It's just that she has done this twice already this year. Freaking out that her daughters weren't invited to a cousins wedding, or a birthday party. The reason she is bullying is because she is forcing her husband to force my future husband to force me to invite them.... there is a lot of indirect communication and she gets everyone involved and everyone bickering with each other. I want to just cut to the core of this, solve the issue and move on. Do you think I should call her directly? Or should I have my MOH do that? Or my FH?

My questions is, how close is FH with the step sisters? Married 11 years ago could easily mean they never lived together, were barely in each other's lives. The Stepmom you have to invite, but if FH isn't close with them I wouldn't at all.

We posted at the same time. You should call her and bite it in the ass now.

So my step-siblings weren't even invited to my wedding, but I've never met them (not close with my father at all).

Whether you cave now totally depends on your dynamic with FSMIL. Does she normally throw fits to get her way? Would she be receptive to an honest conversation about why the two step-sisters weren't invited? Normally I say the person in the couple deals with all issues with their family personally, so your FH should have this convo, but because it's your shower it might be best coming from you.

And what does your FH say? This is his family, after all. How does he feel about it?

Yes, I would call her directly and I would let her know that she can always reach out to you directly. Apologize - I mean, did you intend to offend them? I assume not. So own it. Don't explain your reasoning (that might hurt her feelings) but tell her that of course they are welcome.

They probably won't come. But it's better to be inclusive when you can than not inclusive. Two more people won't break the MOH's budget and it will go a long, long way in creating peace.

Set boundaries another time with her. This isn't the hill you should die on.

Just my $.02 -- stranger on the Internet. Good luck.

I agree with what lively said. call FSMIL and "apologize" for the oversight and extend the invitation to them. she is probably over reacting and the Stepsisters may not even care.

Why would they want to come? I don't understand? Going to people's showers you barely know is pretty much boring.

I also don't get why people throw fits when someone ELSE wasn't invited. It's not their party- they don't get to chose who comes. If it's an easy solution let them come- but I don't understand why it should be a thing.

I read this, but I'm still confused. I get that YOU aren't close to these women, but I'm confused. Pretty much all first degree relatives should be invited to a shower. That means siblings (even if they're step), parents, and what have you. I can totally see why this would be a slap in the face.

@Livelybride "This isn't the hill you should die on." I like that and I agree. She is going to hold a grudge over this for the rest of her life no matter what I think. That's just her personality. I am definitely comfortable for apologizing and saying that I didn't mean to offend anyone, but I feel like I should explain a little bit why they weren't invited, otherwise she may come to a lot of bad conclusions. I could say something like I didn't want them to think they had to drive all the way up just to give me a gift when I know they are busy with their small children. Of course they are welcome I just didn't want them to think they had to come? Or something like that. I mean honestly I'm just not the kind of person to make a big deal about being the center of attention and wanting gifts and all this wedding stuff is not natural to me so I just invited people who I thought would really want to be there. . I really wasn't trying to exclude everyone. I'm just the kind of person to have a few close friends, not a large social group.

I read they got married 11 years ago! Huge difference- opps!

I would say that that you truly didn't want to seem gift-grabby when they live so far and have small children. You only invited local people who you knew would come. Your intention was not to offend anyone, but to make sure no one felt obligated to send something.

EDT: I HATTTTE showers so I would have loved the opportunity to get out of one, like this out you are giving them! I refused to have a shower myself, but my darling mother in law surprised me.

I disagree with a lot of these responses. And why are people so damn confused? It's a pretty straight forward situation. Anyway, I don't think she is obligated to invite these two at all - she is not close with them and has chosen the guest list for her shower to be for CLOSE family and friends. That is very normal for showers. Just as with the wedding, there are no "required" invitees for a shower. I am not a fan of caving to pressure and inviting them just because FSMIL throws a fit and wants her daughters there. She will get over it.

Emily- i completely disagree with you, yes she gets to choose who is invited but i would rather cave into inviting my FHs Step sisters than potentially deal with a hellish in-law for the rest of my life (even though she could probably act like that anyway)

The argument that she isn't close to these women could be used about literally anyone in her fiancé's family. It's a terrible argument to base not inviting people to wedding events because then you might as well not invite any of your partner's family.

Doodlebug, I would go with what you said, give a polite "apology" for the oversight, and include the stepsisters. Its a small battle to give up.

So here's the next big question - if I invite them to my shower, which at this point I probably will, do I have to invite them to my bachlorette?? is my FSMIL gonna freak over that too? We already have more people than we can fit into the karaoke room we rented so inviting them would be really problematic..