Future Mother in law

Seems like a big red flag to me. I would look into counselors who are offering Skype sessions, but understand that therapy isn’t going to help much until he sees that there’s an issue.

View Quoted Comment It’s a huge red flag. It’s borderline creepy where she calls him boo and they talk everyday

Not ok on his part. A couple needs to put their family unit first (each other, their kids). The fact that he accepts her being mean or saying nasty things about you is absolutely not ok. Agree, red flag. There are plenty of counselors who offer telephone or Zoom calls right now. Honestly, if he doesn't see this as an issue, I would reconsider marriage.

If he doesn't recognize there's an issue, it's never going to get better. This is something he has to commit to improving by setting firm boundaries. You're the only one who can decide how important this is to you, but having someone that toxic in your relationship can absolutely impact it if it hasn't already. Have you discussed this relationship much in therapy? What does your counselor think?

If your FH doesn't see a problem, then therapy won't help. A few weeks/years of therapy won't reverse a lifetime of already being married to one's mother.

I can understand how you feel. My FMIL can be that way and has a habit of saying what she thinks, even if its hurtful. My FH and i are on the same page and have limited our time around her. My mental health is more important to me than a relationship with my FMIL. I would try setting boundaries because it's not fair to you to be subjected to this years from now. If you two have kids, god forbid her behavior to continue.

View Quoted Comment I get that! I have limited my time with her but he won’t he is always over there and it makes him act worse.

View Quoted Comment That's ashame and i cant imagine how stressful it is for your relationship. It would bother me if my FH wouldn't consider my feelings and still was around someone who spoke bad about me.

Oof. That sounds like something you are going to be dealing with for a looooong time, especially if your FH doesn't see a problem. If you want to go through with the marriage, I'm not sure what to suggest other than virtual couple's therapy. I hope things get better!

View Quoted Comment I’m having a hard time. It’s not like I’m questioning my marriage in anyways but I’m questioning where she stands and eventually it’s gonna push me away

View Quoted Comment O yea I agree it would push anyone away! I do think if you're gonna be his wife, he has to put his foot down and defend you. And she must respect you too, as the partner n wife of her son

Speaking from my traumatizing 20+ years of experience with his mom (yes, I don’t even say MIL because I cut her off from my life).


I never seen anyone worse than mine. Even the monster in law movie was a joke compared to mine. His mom was like she can be verbally and emotionally abusive to everyone at any time she is moody. She even physically abused my 4 toddler. I can go on with her history here, but that’s not my point.
Your FH needs to know that once he is married, he is supposed to put you first! His mom after you.
Go to counseling, move far from his mom, and remember... your FH is already a mommasboy, so give him some time to change, because change won’t happen within a short time.
My DH changed only after I left him and filed divorce, because I couldn’t take it anymore. He was being just like his mom. Luckily he realized it last minute, and after a short separation we gave it another try. This time he knows not to mention her for the rest of my life. We got rid of anything that was from her, even her picture which he displayed everywhere in this house. Her lost. I kept trying to be submissive and polite, but after everything she has done to my family, I am so done. I do not have a MIL.

This is not a MIL issue, this is a FH issue. And in personally wouldnt marry someone who acted like that

View Quoted Comment Maybe you should be reconsidering your marriage to this guy.

I've seen you post other topics about your fiance and I need to just say that he is at the very least verbally/mentally abusive and you should think very long and hard if this is the kind of behavior you want to endure for the REST.OF.YOUR.LIFE ! Please save yourself, no one else can!!!

View Quoted Comment All of this!


You seem/look young, so I'm going to tell you that you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste time on someone who doesn't respect you, pressures you, and doesn't have the same financial goals and values as you. Marriage is legally binding and divorce is expensive. At the very least, talk to a therapist alone and really evaluate why you want to get married and why you want to marry into a family that doesn't show you any kindness. You are worthy of love that you don't have to compete for.

I wholeheartedly wish you all the best. ❤

View Quoted Comment

Amen and ditto!

View Quoted Comment Maybe a
If you don’t have something good to say to help you shouldn’t say anything. It’s not very becoming to tell someone not to marry someone you don’t know at all and it’s a MIL issue.

View Quoted Comment It my opinion that I wouldnt marry someone who acted like that. I never said you shouldn't marry him.
And sorry this isnt a MIL issue, this is a FH issue. I hope you can reflect and see that so you arent dealing with these issues for your entire marriage.

I've been with my husband for 15 years and have had issues with my in laws. If my husband didnt consider my feelings the way your FH isnt during these issues, we wouldnt be married.


I dont know why you think I'm being mean cause im giving my opinion but I truly wish well