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Savvy May 2021

(Future) mother in law

Rachel, on September 16, 2020 at 1:32 PM

Hi all,
So I pretty much have a crazy mother in law. As of right now she says she’s not coming to the wedding. She’s pretty much the definition of a manipulative mother. I still sent her the save the date, I will send an invitation and leave that up to her. She’s always telling us she has NO money to help us with the wedding however she goes on vacations, gets her nails done, they go out to eat everyday. Which isn’t the problem and I understand if she can’t help pay but she’s on vacation now and posting how they want to move to Virginia in the spring(our wedding is May 1st, shocker she wants to move in spring!) I’m thinking of Un-friending her on Facebook because I’m tired of getting mad about the stuff she posts and getting worked up. I have pretty much given up on her. Any suggestions? Is it wrong for me to unfriend her?

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37 Comments

Savvy August 2021
Sarah · on September 16, 2020 at 3:21 PM
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Hi Rachel! I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I can imagine how sad it feels to know your fiancé's mom is threatening not to attend her own son's wedding, and it definitely seems like she is being manipulative. I agree with other people that unfollowing her on facebook is a good idea. I think all you can really do is take space from her and support your fiancé through the difficult feelings he must be experiencing as a result as well. I know this isn't advice you haven't heard already, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this and I totally understand your disappointment and frustration!
Savvy August 2021
Sarah · on September 16, 2020 at 3:25 PM
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I second everything Teresa just said!
Savvy May 2021
Rachel · on September 16, 2020 at 3:29 PM
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Thank you so much! I did mute her, so I won’t see what she’s posting. I actually didn’t know you could do that or I would’ve a long time ago! I see you’re getting married in less than a month- congrats! And thanks again for being kind
Savvy May 2021
Rachel · on September 16, 2020 at 3:32 PM
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Thank you so much for being kind! It is very hard for him. He has tried to be civil and it just seems as we are both being the “adults.”
Nothing is ever right according to her, and I don’t think that was good for his mental health either. He hasn’t talked to her in about a month and he doesn’t seem to be agitated easily as when he was when he would talk to her. I want what’s best for us, and a stress free wedding day(in the MIL part at least. I know there will he stress lol)
Expert January 2021
Katie · on September 16, 2020 at 3:40 PM
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"She’s always telling us she has NO money to help us with the wedding however she goes on vacations, gets her nails done, they go out to eat everyday."
Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 16, 2020 at 3:46 PM
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Katie, we're definitely in the wrong here. We must have misunderstood. The focus of the post was the one sentence about her FMIL threatening not to come to the wedding, not the entire paragraph about money. Duh!
Savvy May 2021
Rachel · on September 16, 2020 at 3:47 PM
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Yes thank you very much that is ONE time. Not 3 as you claimed I did
Expert January 2021
Katie · on September 16, 2020 at 3:53 PM
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I was replying to this comment in which you do! But it isn't about money
Expert January 2021
Katie · on September 16, 2020 at 3:54 PM
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I know! It's pretty much not about money at all!
Savvy May 2021
Rachel · on September 16, 2020 at 3:54 PM
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You’re right! You finally realized
Savvy May 2021
Rachel · on September 16, 2020 at 3:58 PM
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It actually wasn’t $2,000 but thank you for taking the time to look it up. So pretty isn’t it?!
Expert January 2021
Katie · on September 16, 2020 at 3:59 PM
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Pleading the fifth on this one.
Savvy May 2021
Rachel · on September 16, 2020 at 4:01 PM
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Not sure what you’re talking about lol?
Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on September 16, 2020 at 4:10 PM
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Dang, you're getting some harsh responses on this post. Commenting on how much your dress was was unnecessary.
It seems like she is just creating drama by saying how difficult it will be for her to come yet she's moving at the same time. Maybe she wanted the wedding to be closer? Who knows. Either way I know there are people who do that.
As for money, no, no one is required to help pay for your wedding, but if she has *some* money to help it is a nice gesture.
If she is publicly complaining about this I would tell your FI to tell her to rein it in.
Savvy May 2021
Rachel · on September 16, 2020 at 4:20 PM
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I know everything they have been commenting was harsh lol. Talk about girls supporting girls🤨 I just don’t think she’s happy with anything. She complained to my fiancé when he proposed so honestly I’m
Not surprised by anything at this point. I don’t want money from her, she rubs it in our face when she pays for something and I don’t want to feel like I made her pay for something. He hasn’t talked to her in over a month. Everything has been more relaxed since he stopped talking to her. He was always on edge before. I think it affects his mental health a lot
Devoted September 2021
Cassandra · on September 16, 2020 at 5:24 PM
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I can totally relate as my now MIL can be problematic. She doesn’t actually have a lot of money so I understand her not paying for anything, but was not okay with her making serious suggestions for the wedding (like telling my Husband that his sister had to be my bridesmaid...).

I think the best thing to do is talk to your FH about it and unfollow her posts on Facebook. It is definitely not okay for her to threaten to not come to the wedding or talk badly about you or your FH.

Expert November 2020
Shirley · on September 16, 2020 at 5:29 PM
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What you're describing generally with the wanting to be begged sounds very much like my grandmother in her young age. She was totally manipulative to my dad and she always would say she wasn't going places so we would beg her to come. I love her dearly, but this was/is a bad trait. That said, I think your FH will be 100% the most equipped to deal with it, and you should leave it to him.
That said, I'm deeply confused why you seem upset that your FMIL is going on vacations and getting manicures, and how that comes into play here.